Myra-Breckinridge-Gore-Vidal

stage: mystical elation. I understood--or thought Iunderstood--everything! Myron's restless cruising of barswas the result of a desire to draw into himself, literally, thatwhich men possess for quite another purpose. For him tobe able to take from Woman her rightful pleasure--not tomention the race's instrument of generation--became ameans of exercising power over both sexes and, yes, evenover life itself! That is why he was never drawn tohomosexuals. In fact, once the man wished to penetratehim, Myron lost interest for then he himself would becomethe thing used, and so lose the power struggle. Whatexcited him most was to find a heterosexual man down onhis luck, preferably starving to death, and force him tocommit an act repugnant to him but necessary if he was tobe paid the money he needed for survival. At suchmoments, Myron confessed, he knew ecstasy: theforbidden was his! He had conquered Man, even though tothe nave observer it was Myron who seemed to be theone used. But he was almost always user, and that was hisglory. Yet like all appetites, the one for power is insatiable.The more one obtains, the more one wants. In the endMyron could not, living, be what he wanted to be, an allpowerfuluser of men, and so he ended his life, leaving meto complete as best I can not only his masterpiece but thepattern he sought to make, with Dr. Montag's reluctant help.Yet it is now plain to me that the good Doctor preferredMyron to me, and I cannot at times avoid a certain sense ofhurt and rejection. Particularly when I realize that the onlyway the Doctor could be made happy would be if I were to