Volume 26 – Café Woodys - The Woody Back to School Unit

Volume 26Café WoodysR HumphriesWoodettes Publications

Published 2010byWoodettes PublicationsHouston, Texas, USA© Woodettes Publications 2010R Humphries has asserted his right to be identified asthe author of this work with all rights reservedincluding the right of reproduction in whole or in partin any form.The Library of Congress has catalogued this edition asfollows Humphries, R [date]Café Woodys : a novel by R Humphries1st Ed.ISBN [Application Pending]www.woodettes.wordpress.com

Author’s NoteThis is a work of fiction. Names, characters,places and incidents are either the product of theauthor's imagination or are used fictitiously. Anyresemblance to actual events or locales or persons,living or dead, is entirely coincidental.The stories based at the Woody Back to SchoolUnit are works of adult fiction based upon the real-lifefantasy games played by the author, R. Humphriesand his wife, the inimitable Jojo.It is the author’s intent to create the WoodyBack to School Unit as an imaginative world peopledwith a believable cast and set in familiar surroundingswithin which the readers will become comfortable.The vernacular used in the stories is acombination of the phraseology derived from writingsuch as the British penny comics from the nineteenthirties, current language, slang and idioms, and theinvented parlance known as Woody Jargon.As such references to ‘beating’, ‘thrashing’, and‘flogging’ have no context to the use or avocation ofphysical violence, with the exception of controlledcorporal punishment, against the characters of thestories.

DedicatedtoMy Beloved Jojo

ContentsOpening Night ...................................... 1The Spanking Comedienne .................... 5Flimsy Tennis Shorts ............................ 9A Very Public Whopping ..................... 13Miss Cooper and Miss Masters ............ 17The Mistress of Discipline ................... 21Not Much to Shoot At ......................... 25Twitchy Bumbags ............................... 29Rules of Engagement ......................... 33Clobber à la Cat ................................. 37Miss Yoshida of Tokyo ........................ 41Miss Papezova of Prague .................... 45Miss Parker of South Kensington ........ 49Caned by a Legend ............................. 53A Cat Spanking .................................. 57The New Celebrities ........................... 61The Tom-Tom Drumming Twins ........... 65Just a Couple of Quick Spankings ....... 69Self-Interest and Commissions ........... 73Bibs Down, Ties Back ......................... 77Diana Expands her Horizons ............... 81Spanked by a Rozzer .......................... 85A Red-Card ........................................ 89Hardly a Wriggle or a Squirm .............. 93A Spontaneous Spanking .................... 97Another Perfect Kodak Moment......... 101Cha-Ching ........................................ 105The Royal Couple ............................. 109Whops and Clobber are Addictive ...... 113A Night Out for Degenerates ............. 117Debs Asks a Favor ............................ 121

1Opening NightAt seven o’clock on Saturday evening twoluxury air-conditioned coaches pulled up in front ofthe red and black striped awning that covered the redvelvet carpet leading to the entrance to Café Woodys.Security guards provided by Stacks Monroeheld the paparazzi at bay while the inmates of theWoody Back to School unit glided up the walkway andflocked into the new nightclub owned by Miss SpankyBotts.In the atrium Spanky and Christy Cranfieldwere waiting to welcome their chums. Earlier in theday Cassie Cassy and a small team of her mosttrusted assistants had formed an advance party toprepare an exotic buffet which included oystersimported from the Puget Sound and Beluga caviarshipped in from the duty free concession in Dubai.Michelle Morgan and Frankie Reese busiedthemselves popping open bottles of 1997 VeuveClicquot Ponsardin and handing out flutes filled withthe icily chilled bubbles.

Café WoodysCathy Cooper and Karen Masters escorted theinmates on a guided tour of the new establishment.The Woody gals were immediately impressed. SpankyBotts had spared no expense in outfitting the newheadquarters for the devoted patrons ofwww.woodettes.com. Spanky had commissioned JojoHeyworth to help her recreate an atmosphere thatincorporated many elements of the Woody facility. Inthe downstairs bar area a collection of Nicola JaneNixon’s candid photographs featuring many of theWoody celebrities adorned the wood paneled walls.On the second floor there was a large lockerroom where guests at the nightclub could change outof their civilian working attire and put on theirclobber. Across the hall Bernadette SummersEnterprises had established a Whops and Clobberboutique. Patrons of the nighterie would be able topurchase original Woody paraphernalia andmemorabilia and be measured for customized clobberthat would be tailored and bear the exclusive BSEmotif.The third floor was even more impressive. Jojohad lovingly created three punishment salons. Thefirst was a re-creation of a lecture room from theWoody facility, complete with six slope-lidded desksand an original Pearson Roller revolving blackboard.The second room was an exact facsimile of theimposing punishment room at the back of the Woodylibrary, replete with a customized spanking stool thatKaren informed them Spanky had commissioned froma member of the Royal Family that had gone into thecarpentry business.

3Finally there was a replica of the GrandMaster’s study. Hanging on the walls were thereproduction paintings from the Joe SummersCollection that Jojo and her team had produced tothwart the Man from Berlin and his gang of thugs.Sitting on the large oak desk was a thirty-sixinch long super cane with a red and black stripedleather handle. A straight-backed chair was placedominously in front of an ornate fireplace. The artfulsetup was reason enough to send the gals scurryingback downstairs in search of more champagne andcaviar.Spanky Botts had staged a lottery on thewww.woodettes.com website and three hundred luckyWoodettes had received invitations to attend the galaopening at the very reasonable price of a grand askull. All the proceeds would be donated to the newlyestablished Spanky Botts Foundation.At eight o’clock a fleet of white stretchlimousines pulled up at the café and discharged anarray of clobber-clad Woodettes onto the red carpet.Clobber was de rigueur to obtain admission tothe gala opening. Spanky had established strict houserules. Gals who wished to participate in the eveningsactivities wore the traditional red and black stripedties identical to those worn by the inmates of theWoody Back to School unit. They would becomemembers of the exclusive club known as ‘Stripies’.Others, who preferred just to act as observers, woreblock red ties.

Café WoodysChristy Cranfield, resplendent in her ornatelyembroidered Posh Coat, greeted the guests at thedoor. Miss Cranfield would act as hostess andMistress of Discipline at the establishment.Back-stage Claire Brooks was preparing toopen the evening’s entertainment with her onewomanrevue ‘Caned Laughter’. Spanky had filledClaire’s dressing room with champagne and roses andthe comediennes chums milled about giggling andoffering encouragement.Next door, Deborah Morton was also preparingto participate in the opening gala but she wasshowing significantly less enthusiasm.“I don’t know how I let you persuade me to dothis,” she groaned for the thousandth time.“It’ll be very private, only essential personnelwill be allowed in the rooms,” Bernadette Summersreassured her, “and I’ve made sure it’s an all femalecrew.”“Yeah, very private! Three hundred whoopingWoodettes are going to watch me get my bumwhapped on close circuit TV,” moaned Debs. “Not tomention that pictures of my bumbags are going to becirculating around the world in these magazines.”The Bounder put her arms around Deborah.“We’ve talked about this a hundred times,” she saidreassuringly. “It’s just a couple of spankings and you’llmake out like a bandit. Trust me on this.”Deborah grunted unenthusiastically.

2The Spanking ComedienneAt eight thirty Spanky Botts mounted the stepsof the stage to officially greet her guests. As usualSpanky’s clobber was immaculate. Nicola Jane Nixonhad loaned Spanky her personal clobber consultantand they had procured an array of exquisite sets ofclobber from Nixdown’s international network ofbespoke tailor’s. Her blazer and the skirt of hergymslip sashayed in perfect synchronization as shestrode onto the stage. The Woody gals and theWoodettes whooped and clapped as she politelycurtsied.With a huge beam on her face Spankywelcomed the international guests. She explainedsome of the house rules.“Anyone who so wishes will be more thanwelcome to go home with a sore bottom tonight,” sheassured the audience. “And speaking of sore bottoms,it is my great pleasure to introduce a friend of mineand a genuine Woody legend who is particularly wellversedin the subject of sore-bottoms. Ladies, lets putour hands together for Miss Claire Brooks.”

Café WoodysClaire Brooks strode onto the stage lookinglong and lithe. She had selected a short gymslip thatshowed off her shapely legs. As usual Claire’s whiterthan white blouse was crisply starched and her tiewas knotted into a perfect vee. Her shoulder lengthauburn hair was pulled back under a matching hairclipwith her fringe arranged in bangs.“Ma brought us up to believe that there is noproblem that can’t be solved by a sore bottom,” shebegan. “Obviously I don’t have any problems becausefor the past twenty years I’ve been suffering from avirulent strain of sore-arse syndrome.”The idea for the Caned Laughter Revue was aresult of several lengthy discussions with the GrandMaster regarding ways that Claire’s legendary overworkedjaw bone could be better employed thanconstantly interrupting lectures with her pithyobservations. She had debuted the Revue at aSaturday Night Feast back at the facility and hadreceived rave reviews from the inmates.When Spanky had invited her to give anabbreviated thirty-minute version of the show to openthe club Claire had canvassed her chums for theirfavorite parts of her yarns. With over two decades ofspankings and canings under her bumbags there wasno shortage of material to choose from.Her account of her first caning at the ultraposhDayton Manor boarding school brought tears tothe eyes of the Woodettes. She recounted hersurprise when she found a pink envelope in herpigeon hole containing a polite invitation from her

7House Captain to repair to her study to participate ina six o’clock swishing. An RSVP was requested.According to Claire six o’clock swishing’s soonbecame a regular feature on her social calendar. Sheproudly confided with the audience that she emergedfrom her educational career as the second mostcaned school pupil in history, just slightly behind DebsMorton.However, she claimed gleefully, she did hold arecord of her own. She had been caught in acompromising position with a stable boy discussingUgandan affairs and was hauled before the Board ofGovernors.At the insistence of Baroness Fielding, whom itwould later be revealed is the younger sister ofMelissa Forsham-Smythe, an ancient and defunctprotocol was invoked. Claire was sentenced to behorsed and birched.According to the records of the Ministry ofEducation between the beginning and end of thegreat European wars of the twentieth century horsingand birching became quite the vogue amongst thestrictest girl’s boarding schools. Nonetheless, thepunishment was considered so ghastly that ministerialapproval was required. Only ninety five applicationswere ever approved out of almost five hundred thatwere submitted.The last officially endorsed horsing andbirching was delivered to the hind-quarters of AnneStanthorpe, Duchess of Lambourne, for lewd anddrunken behavior. The approval was dated in thewinter of 1945. The Duchess would later become a

Café Woodysconservative Member of Parliament and wasstaunchly opposed to the abolition of corporalpunishment.Apparently Baroness Fielding hadn’t read anymemos from the Ministry and persuaded the DaytonManor Board of Governors to proceed with thepunishment. Claire Brooks became the first schoolgirlin over forty-five years to be subjected to thehumiliating punishment.Although Claire confesses on her blog that it isone of her least favorite memories it was a tribute toher remarkable comedic talents that she was able torecount the unfortunate tale with enormous andendearing pith and wit.Claire proved equally witty as she chronicledthe trials and tribulations of her bumbags during hersentence at the Big House. Her imitations of Patty,Katie and the Wart were particularly well-received butshe was a tad nervous, that despite the RadicalRights boycott of the opening, word might get back tothem. She rather fancied that Patty Hodge might notappreciate being the brunt of her barbed humor. Itmade her bottom squirm just thinking of theconsequences; but trouper that she was Claire Brookssoldiered on.By the time Claire finished her routine and tooka bow to a standing ovation the Woodettes werethoroughly warmed up for the forthcomingentertainment.

3Flimsy Tennis ShortsUpstairs in the salon that had been designedas a replica of the back room in the library at theWoody School Back to School unit Lady DerbyHuntington and Rosemary Booker were doing theirbest to keep Deborah’s spirits up.While Claire was onstage delivering her revuethe camerawoman had busied herself taking someconventional face and body shots of Debs and RachelCox in a variety of pretty tennis outfits. Debs wasrather pleased with the results.Deborah had always had a somewhat roundedphysique, although she preferred it when the pressreferred to her as shapely. Unfortunately even a slightupward weight fluctuation was noticeable and severalgutter journalists had reduced her to tears when theyhad cruelly accused her of being over-weight andunfit when she had lost grueling tennis matches.However, over the past nine months she had starteda new kick-boxing work-out regime with Suzy Scott.She was genuinely thrilled and amazed by the results.Although she remained rounded there was not an

Café Woodysounce of excess fat on her. Her legs looked terrificand her arms looked strong and muscular withoutappearing bulked up. She was most delighted withher butt, which she had always felt looked overlyplump. Now, thanks to Suzy’s regime it was perfectlyrounded, although she had heeded Suzy’s warningthat it would be wise for a Woody gal to keep a littlespare flesh in that region.Deborah loved digital cameras; thecamerawoman showed them the results after eachpose and allowed them to veto any they didn’t carefor.However, Debs was beginning to get nervous.The set designer had placed the replica spankingstool in front of the fire-place and the camera crewwas making last minute lighting adjustments.For the first of the two photo shoots Deborahwas going to be dangled by her training partnerRachel Cox. Rachel was famous in her own right. Shehad played on the international tennis circuit at thesame time as Debs and had been one of the firstcelebrities that the dark forces of the System hadtargeted during the early days of the Purge of theLadettes.After the success of the Clobber Monthly shootfeaturing Debs being spanked by Lady Vix it hadoccurred to the editor of the prestigious sportsmagazine that a layout of Debs being spanked by herdoubles partner would sell like hot cakes.Debs and Rachel would model one of thehottest new designer collections of tennis outfits,which they got to keep after the shoot.

11Deborah dismally studied the customizedleather paddle. It was a miniature replica of a tennisracquet. The leather face had been precision cut toresemble the strings of a racquet.“This looks like it will smart big time,” Debscomplained.Rosemary looked sympathetic. “It certainlylooks aero-dynamic,” she agreed.Derby hurried over with a glass of champagnefor Debs.The Bounder wandered over. “They’re readywhenever you are,” she told Deborah. She winked,“bottoms up sis,” she grinned.Deborah scowled. “I can’t wait until the nexttime I have your bottom up,” she growled.The Bounder just continued to grin.“Do not take any shots until I’m properly overand up,” insisted Debs.Due to the extended height of the infamousspanking stool getting positioned for a dangling wasnot always an elegant process. Although Debs was anathletic cove and had considerable experience ofgetting mounted she did not want pictures of herbeing hoisted over Rachel’s lap floating around theinternet.Deborah gritted her teeth and settled in. Underthe terms of her contracts the spankings she wouldreceive over the course of the evening were requiredto be genuine.

Café WoodysHer first outfit of the evening was a passionpink hauteur-neck singlet and a pair of matchingcotton tennis shorts. As she felt the paddle slowlycircling her rear-end Debs felt fairly certain that theflimsy shorts would not extend her much protection.Deborah was acutely aware of the power ofRachel’s right arm. During the previous year, whenRachel was fulfilling the role of Deputy Red-shirt, theWart had forced her to chuck Deborah out of thecafeteria on barely legitimate charges of causing anexcessive disturbance. Following an unfortunateseries of events the Wart instructed Rachel to subjectDeborah to a twelve stroke running bender. By anystandards it was a fantastic caning. Like Deborah,Rachel’s incredible eye-ball coordination translatedwell to the business of whops.Deborah had no doubt that Rachel Cox wouldprove equally potent with a leather paddle as she hadwith a senior cane.Debs Morton felt herself being maneuveredtightly into the crease of Rachel’s lap and then all hellbroke loose inside her flimsy tennis shorts.

4A Very Public WhoppingDownstairs in the bar the Woodettes weremonitoring the progress of the photo shoot on flatscreen plasma screens with eyes as big as saucers.Most of them were ardent fans of Deborah’s blog onthe web-site and had shared her woes over the manymisadventures of her poor beleaguered bum.However, few of them had ever dreamed that theywould get the opportunity to watch the author gettingher bum whupped live on close circuit TV.Poor Debs was clearly not having the greatesttime of it. Her contract with the sports mag requiredthat she would receive an initial six across the seat ofthe flimsy tennis shorts, followed by two sets of threewearing different dresses.Debs had been perfectly correct in herassumption that the tennis shorts would offer littleprotection from the leather paddle. The hatcheddesign of the paddle head gave her the disconcerting

Café Woodysimpression that her backside was being tattooed witha pattern that strongly resembled waffle-weave.Rachel Cox loved Deborah like a sister. For adecade and a half they had played tennis together.Starting as top-ranked juniors and then progressingto the professional circuit. Although they were highlycompetitive they were close friends. As the firstBritish women to appear amongst the highestechelons of the Grand Prix rankings for over a quarterof a century they formed a strong bond and aformidable doubles partnership.Nonetheless Rachel and Debs had agreed tofulfill the terms of their contract and Rachel wasn’tholding back.The photographer was shooting from everyangle and ignoring Deborah’s obvious consternationencouraged Rachel to spank her even harder. Theprocess was extremely slow and it took almost tenminutes for the first six to be completed. For even adangle-hardened veteran like Debs it seemed like aneternity.“Are you okay?” asked Rachel as the twomodels prepared to change costumes.Debs stared at her bum in the mirror. “Thatthing is lethal,” she groaned. “Where the fuck did youget that from?”Rachel giggled. “Spanky and the Bounder hadit commissioned. It’s quite unique.”

15“So is the state of my arse,” complained Debsstaring at the latticed swelling. “Just great! Wafflearse! That thing really stings.”Rachel gave Deborah a hug and handed her ashort lilac dress. Debs took it unenthusiastically andpulled it over her head. “Where’s Derby?” she askedhopefully. “I need another glass of bubbles.”Deborah hung upside down panting. Threemore spanks of the lethal paddle had exploded off herright buttock. Rachel turned down Deborah’s skirt andhelped her dismount.“Some excellent affects, Miss Morton,” said thecamerawoman enthusiastically. “Keep up the goodwork.”Deborah frowned and stomped off towards thedressing room. She was not finding it particularlydifficult to provide good affects when a leather paddlewas colliding with her arse. She selected a black andwhite chequered dress which she thought made herlook quite pretty. She gingerly sat down in a paddedchair and allowed the make-up woman to give her atouch-up.Downstairs the excitement was palpable. TheWoodettes were overjoyed at the opportunity tocommune with the Woody legends that they had readso much about. During the breaks between takes theyrushed about taking snap-shots with their heroines.Spanky Botts watched the frenetic activity wasa satisfied smile on her face. Her former lover, thefamous artist William Graham had left her a deathbednote instructing her to spend his vast fortune on

Café Woodysa life of divine decadence. Spanky Botts liked to thinkshe was fulfilling her obligation.Every head craned back towards the screensas Debs reappeared head down, arse up with the skirtof her dress turned back and a pair of white pantiesstretched across her buttocks. The sound of thepaddle slapping down blasted out of the speakers asDeborah’s very public whopping continued.Deborah received a well-deserved standingovation as she appeared in the bar dressed in herred-shirt clobber. Spanky hurried over and escortedher to the VIP area where Mr Humphries, Jojo,Rosemary and Nixdown were waiting with a chilledbottle of vintage Dom Perignon. She slid into a seatand did her best to look cheerful. She chinked glasseswith her closest chums and surveyed the array ofclobber-clad Woodettes milling around amongst theinmates of the legendary Back to School unit.“This is really something,” she muttered.Her chums smiled indulgently. “Bottoms up,sis,” they chorused.“Not funny,” muttered Deborah Morton bleakly,“not funny at all.”

5Miss Cooper and Miss MastersThe stage lights went down and when thecurtain rose and the lights came up a large oak panelhad been lowered from the ceiling. Two women instriped blazers stood facing the panel with their backsto the audience, their hands were intertwined on topof their heads and their noses pressed against thewood.Momentarily the familiar figures of ChristyCranfield and Spanky Botts stepped onto the stage.There was a buzz of excited expectation in the bararea.“Silence, silence in the facility,” came over theintercom system. “Mandatory six of the best foranybody who makes another sound.”Following a momentary murmur of nervoussniggering silence fell in the bar.“Lower your arms and turnaround,” Spankyinstructed the two Woodettes.

Café WoodysDespite the silence mandate the denizens ofthe Woodettes web-based community burst into around of spontaneous applause as Karen Masters andCathy Cooper obediently took their hands off theirheads and turned to face the audience.The two women were both well-known andhighly-respected elders in the community. They werethe original hostesses of the www.woodettes.comweb-site and had been on-line to personally welcomenew members on the night of the launch. They werethe senior moderators in the chat rooms and workedtirelessly to ensure that the Woodettes wereprotected from unsavory predators.Karen Masters friendship with Spanky datedback to the days when Miss Botts had been thenotorious spanking muse of William Graham. Karenhad regularly joined Spanky bent over the balustradeof the third floor Venetian Palazzo, entertainingtourists on the Grand Canal as they were thrashed bythe famous artist.Karen had helped Spanky nurse William duringhis tragic illness and stayed by her side while shegrieved his passing.Karen and Spanky had been the first women toappear at the Snobs and Rotters Tribunal kitted out inclobber and they were largely responsible for thelaunch of the Whops and Clobber phenomena.Karen had gained a reputation as the residenton-line agony aunt and had been appointed as HighPriestess of Community Relations for the new café.

19Cathy Cooper had been quick to join Spankyand Karen in the front row of the Tribunal. Cathy wasalready a well-respected figure amongst the spankingestablishment. She made a tidy living hosting regularspanking happenings all around the country and inmainland Europe and Scandinavia. Since the launch ofthe web-site she had expanded operations to the USand Canada and was looking at potential openings inJapan and other parts of Asia. Spanky had appointedCathy as the Sorceress of Events and Happenings.Spanky stepped forward. Karen and Cathystood meekly to attention.“Miss Cooper and Miss Masters,” said Spankysternly. “You have each been charged with GrossInsubordination in the First Degree and you haveeach elected to enter pleas of not guilty, is thiscorrect?”“Yes Madam Sergeant-at-Arms, that is correct,”the two women chorused.“Miss Cooper and Miss Masters it is my duty toinform you that after careful consideration of the factsthe panel is unable to accept the defenses you haveoffered,” said Spanky. “Therefore in light of theseverity of the charges you will each receive ninepops of the popping stick.”The Woody gals watched intently. Although theperformance was staged and the outcome preordainedthey studied the reactions of the two womenon stage. Cathy and Karen did their best to maintaina stony-faced demeanor but when their punishmentwas announced their eyes momentarily flickereddown towards the floor, the corners of their mouths

Café Woodystwitched slightly and Cathy Cooper balled her fistsand then splayed her fingers open again. The Woodygals knew exactly how the two women felt.“Madam Sergeant-at-Arms, escort Miss Cooperto the Popping Seat and prepare her for a popping,”instructed Christy in a voice that resonated authority.When Cathy Cooper was at school her chumshad teased her that she must be related to an albino.Her fine hair was almost as white as freshly fallensnow, she had oddly pale blue eyes and her skin wasthe shade and texture of porcelain. Her waif-likephysique and impish features made her vaguelyresemble a wood nymph.Cathy unfastened the top button of her stripedblazer, shrugged it off and handed it to Spanky.“Bend over and assume the position,” orderedSpanky.The Popping Seat was a large leatherchesterfield. Cathy Cooper obediently bent over thearm and buried her face in the cushioned seat.Spanky hung up the blazer and then reached overand turned back Cathy’s skirt revealing a minisculerear end.

6The Mistress of DisciplineChristy unfastened the buttons of her ornatePosh Coat and handed it to her Sergeant-at-Arms.Unhurriedly Christy loosened the knot of her tie andunfastened the top button of her blouse. She neatlyturned back the cuffs of her blouse to just below theelbow and then accepted the ceremonial poppingstick from Spanky.Christy flexed the cane between her hands andthen took several practice swings. The long whippystick cut through the air with an ominous whistle.Once she was satisfied with her grip Christyapproached Catherine, set the cane down across herupturned bumbags and tapped it down three times toget her measure. She raised her arm in the air andbrought it down swiping.The seasoned observers from the Woody Backto School unit were duly impressed. Christy’spreparation had been meticulously timed. Cathy hadbeen prostrated across the arm of the chesterfieldwith her bumbags on display for almost three full

Café Woodysminutes before Christy made her final approach. TheWoody gals knew from experience that one hundredand eighty seconds could seem like an eternity whenthey were bent over and waiting to be caned.It was clear to the whop-hardened veterans ofthe Woody Back to School unit that Spanky Botts hadknown what she was doing when she appointed MissChristy Cranfield as the official Mistress of Disciplineat the new café.Not that there was ever much question as towho should be offered the job. Christy Cranfield’scredentials were impeccable.Christy had served her apprenticeship at theschool of hard whops. She had attended thelegendary Queensgate Academy where she hadamongst its most errant pupils. Her wayward behaviorhad caused her to end up on the receiving end offorty-five beatings.Despite considerable opposition from theGrand Dame the charismatic Christy was voted in asthe all powerful President of Posh by her peers.Her term of office was not without controversy.The Grand Dame had declared a brutal war onDeborah Morton’s bumbags. Debs had been placed ina grossly unfair special disciplinary program and wasthe only girl in the school who could be sentenced tobe beaten without the right to defend herself.Christy had railed against the injustice and hadconsidered standing down so she would not be forcedto beat her best chum. However, Deborah hadbegged her to stay on as President, reasoning that if

23she was going to be beaten then it was better to bebeaten by someone she trusted.It was a catastrophic year for Debs. Week inand week out she failed to conform to the minimumrequirements of the program. Every Friday eveningthroughout the school year she was required to reportto the Posh HQ where she would be thrashed byChristy Cranfield.However far from creating a rift between thetwo friends their bond grew even stronger. After shehad been beaten Deborah was dispatched to herrooms to spend the remainder of the evening insolitary confinement. Defiantly Christy would sneakupstairs to comfort Debs and they would spend theevening dissecting the caning whop by whop.Another Woody legend to attend the academyduring Christy’s term of office was the Bounder. For abrief and inglorious period Bernadette Summers hadposed a serious challenge to Deborah’s reputation asthe schools enfant terrible. Her surly belligerence andher disrespect for authority did not sit well with therefined Dames and she was regularly ‘Put on theMenu’. Christy Cranfield was required to caneBernadette half a dozen times in as many weeksbefore Miss Summers was dispatched to areformatory as a result of perjuring herself during herfather’s fraud trial.During her year in office Christy was requiredto deliver over three hundred beatings, nonethelesson an internet poll of the academy’s alumni she wasvoted the most popular President of Posh in history.

Café WoodysChristy Cranfield knew her way around bothends of a cane. There had been no question inSpanky’s mind that Christy was ideally suited for therole of Mistress of Discipline at the café.

7Not Much to Shoot AtCathy Cooper’s heart was racing as she laystretched out across the arm of the leatherchesterfield with her skirt turned back and her navyblue bumbags on display.Cathy had been publicly spanked at numerousof her happenings but they were generally intimateaffairs limited to less than a dozen folks. The prospectof being caned in front of an audience comprised ofnearly four hundred souls was a daunting proposition.The sound of Christy testing the suppleness ofthe long cane made her bottom squirm and hertummy turned a somersault. She heard Christy’s feetapproaching. She swallowed hard. Time seemed to bemoving very slowly. Cathy Cooper felt a tremor ofnerves as the cane tapped down. Nonetheless, shethrust her miniscule backside up and settled in to bethrashed.In relative terms Cathy Cooper was anewcomer to the cane. The school she had attendedhadn’t practiced corporal punishment and she had

Café Woodysonly happened upon her predilection for spanking byaccident while she was a student at university. At aschool themed fancy dress party the female guestshad taken it in turns to bend over the arm of a sofaand had to guess who was spanking them. The parlorgame became an obsession with Cathy and hadinspired her to become the hostess of the intimatehappenings.It was not until she met Spanky, Karen andChristy that she extended her repertoire to includebeing beaten with a variety of more punishinginstruments. Over the past six months she hadbecome intimately familiar with the effects of canes,straps, slippers and crops. She clenched her teeth asshe heard the ominous whistle of the long cane slicingthrough the air.The Woodettes watched intently. The sound ofrattan rebounding from navy blue gossamer filled thenight-club.Christy was working with methodical precision.Cathy’s diminutive physique meant that the sweetspot was quite small and she did not have much toshoot at. Nonetheless, Christy was determined to landall nine strokes in the target area. She caned Cathy ata leisurely place, leaving plenty of time betweenstrokes to allow her to experience the full cycle ofeach stroke.Cathy Copper had her head nestled into herfolded arms. Each stroke was ricocheting around hercentral nervous system with excruciating effect. Shehad been caned many times by Christy in the privacy

27of Spanky’s Mayfair mews home and she hadcomplete confidence in her chum to deliver aperfectly safe beating.The Woodettes watched in awed fascination.For some of them it was the first opportunity towitness a live caning. Some of the women who hadelected to wear striped ties for the evening werebeginning to wonder at the wisdom of their choice.Cathy Cooper did her best to keep her legsstretched out and her body arched. Despite theexcruciating heat in her backside she understood thenecessity of presenting Christy with the perfecttarget.Christy took a tight grip on the cane. The firsteight strokes had gone of swimmingly, landingunerringly across the sweet spot, Christy wasdetermined to finish with the perfect closer. She tookaim and swung the cane through the air.Cathy Cooper braced herself. She knew whatto expect, Christy Cranfield would close the caningwith a diagonal stripe.The sound of the cane slicing across her navyblue bumbags exploded in her ears. The impact of thecloser had an instant nerve-jangling, teeth-chatteringeffect. Cathy’s left leg involuntarily crooked at theknee. She gritted her teeth and balled her fists as thewave of pain wracked through her body.

Café WoodysKaren Masters licked her dry lips as shewatched Christy stepping in for the closer. Shewatched Cathy’s back arch and her ankle twitch asthe cane sliced down with perfect timing andaccuracy. Karen Master’s knew that Cathy’s backsidewould be sizzling like a pan filled with sausages andthat in just a few minutes her own would beexperiencing similar sensations. She could hardlywait.

8Twitchy BumbagsMeeting Spanky Botts in Venice had been arevelation for Karen Masters. She had been fascinatedwith spanking ever since she had witnessed anunfortunate school friend being unexpectedly turnedover a teacher’s knee.She had experimented on the BDSM scenewhile she was at university, but the results hadgenerally been unsatisfactory. Then she had metSpanky Botts and William Graham. She wasimmediately intoxicated by their lifestyle devoted todivine decadence. They treated her fabulously,inviting her to stay at the palazzo. After severalmonths she plucked up the courage to make herdebut bent over the balustrade to be publicly caned infront of hundreds of gawking tourists. Now sheplucked up her courage and prepared to be caned infront of several hundred gawking Woodettes.Karen Masters felt a shiver of excitement asshe felt her skirt being neatly turned back. In someways Karen was unusual. She had discussed the

Café Woodysanatomy of being beaten in the www.woodettes.comchat rooms and had been surprised to discover thatthis was the moment that most Woodettes dreaded,the finality of having their bumbags exposed. Bycontrast it was a moment that Karen cherished.Karen Masters loved the ritual of preparation.She loved being told to remove her blazer and tobend over. She loved the nervous sensation ofphysically folding herself in half and offering herbackside up for punishment and she almost burst withexcitement when her skirt was finally turned back.Christy Cranfield shared Karen’s love of rituals.She tapped the cane down three times and thenwaited a few seconds before swinging her armthrough the air, knowing that Karen would beexploding with excitement.Karen panted with joy. The effect of the firststroke was quite exquisite. First the breath-takingsharpness of the immediate impact, followed by thenerve-jangling electric shocks at the far extremities ofher body, and then the slow underburn as the stripesworked their magic deep beneath her flesh. Shewaited for the next one to arrive.Spanky Botts had promised her guests a nightto remember and from the excited looks on the facesof the Woodettes it was clear that she was deliveringthe goods.Christy Cranfield was delivering the goods.Karen Masters was expecting a good, tight thrashingand Christy wasn’t letting her down. Christy swung

31the cane with consummate ease and piercingaccuracy. The swishes and thwacks echoed aroundthe cafe.Karen Masters was squirming with excitement.The first six stripes were sizzling under her bumbagsand she still had three bonus pops to look forwardtoo. She wiggled her bum provocatively. The canewhistled through the air.All around the bar area the Woodettes wereexchanging glances. Some of them were veterans ofthe BDSM scene, a few of them had actually beencaned at school, but for the majority of the guests theGrand Opening was an opportunity to bring theirdeepest fantasies to life for the first time. However, itwas clear that Karen was getting a world-classwhopping and backsides all around the bar werebeginning to twitch nervously.Christy sliced the cane down for the ninth time,delivering an explosive closer. Even Karen couldn’tstop her legs from kicking in a mixture of delight andagitation as the heat seared across her upturnedderriere.For a few seconds she hung upside down,trying to catch her breath. Finally she pushed herselfup from the Popping Seat. Spanky handed Karen herblazer.Cathy Cooper, Christy Cranfield and KarenMasters joined hands and took a bow to rapturousapplause.

Café WoodysMiss Spanky Botts stepped forward with asmile on her face. Michelle Morgan and Frankie Reesecarried a large barrel shaped tombola onto the stage.The Woodettes watched curiously. Bumbag twitchingwas taking on a new intensity.

9Rules of EngagementWith a twinkle in her eye Spanky Bottsannounced the rules of engagement at the newestablishment.Periodically a draw would be held. The namesof three of the guests who had elected to wearstriped-ties would be announced. They would berequired to repair immediately to stand at the bottomof the stairwell and perform nose and toes for fifteenminutes. Subsequently they would adjourn to theupstairs salon that they had each been allocatedwhere they would receive six of the best. Herannouncement was met with a communal gasp fromthe Stripies.In the publicity material for the Grand OpeningSpanky had been somewhat vague in her invitationfor the Woodettes to participate in the evening’sactivities; merely offering them the opportunity toparticipate in ‘some good old fashioned spanking fun.’Watching Cathy and Karen getting theirbacksides whipped with long, swishy canes certainlyput a whole new definition on the concept of fun.

Café WoodysIt was a once in lifetime opportunity Spankyexplained. Not only would they have the chance to bepunished by legendary Woody Gals including VickyBrompton, Claire Brooks, Cat Cassidy, Melons and theButcher Twins, but by several genuine members ofthe Brass as well. Dotty Hammell, Jane Lummell,Pauline Gascoigne, Suzy Scott and Stephanie Powellhad made themselves available. Even the Dyke haddonned a tuxedo and bow-tie and brought herfearsome tawse to the opening.Generously, Spanky gave the Stripies anopportunity for a last-minute bail-out. There was acollection of block ties available for anybody whowished to change their minds about participating, sheinformed them.All around the bar area the Stripies exchangeduncertain glances. Unquestionably, several werethinking that an exchange of neckwear might be agood idea but nobody seemed to want to be the firstone to bail-out.Spanky gave them a few minutes and whennobody left the bar area she shrugged and span thetombola. Christy Cranfield opened the lid and stuckher arm inside. She extracted three cards and readthem out one by one.It was a tribute to the international flavor ofthe Whops and Clobber zeitgeist when the first namewas announced.“Miss Mika Yoshida, visiting us from Tokyo,please proceed to the bottom of the stairwell and

35assume the pose,” instructed Christy. “Ms Gascoignewill be along to beat you shortly.”Every head in the bar area turned and watchedas the sound of a bar-stool was heard scraping on thewooden floor.Miss Yoshida of Tokyo looked a little stunnedas she slipped off the stool. She wore her darkshoulder-length hair loose under a straw boater witha red and black striped band and the WB2SU logo inthe front. Her clobber was immaculate. She edgedher way around the tables and sofas that filled theroom and walked towards the stairwell, averting hereyes and looking self-conscious. She hurried over tothe wooden panels and leaned her neck forward untilher nose was touching the wall. Slowly she raised herarms and linked her fingers on the top of her strawhat.Once Mika was satisfactorily positioned Christyannounced a second name. “Miss Romana Papezova,visiting us from the Czech Republic,” announcedChristy, continuing the international theme, “pleaserepair to the stairwell and assume the position. MissMelanie White will be thrashing you this evening.”The Czech woman looked equally shocked asher predecessor. She did her best to look nonchalantas she passed through the bar but her gait wasawkward and like Mika she averted her eyes from thegawking Woodettes as she crossed the room.“And finally for this round,” announced Christy,“we have a young lady who did not have to travel sofar this evening. Miss Amanda Parker, who took thetrain up from South Kensington to join us this

Café Woodysevening, please take up your position. Lady VictoriaBrompton will be dealing with you tonight.”Amanda Parker rose with a confident andtruculent swagger. As she crossed the room underthe surveillance of the trained eyes of the Woody Galsthere was an unspoken consensus that this might notbe Miss Parker’s first rodeo.With the three Woodettes lined up at thebottom of the stairs Christy told the guests that theywere free to resume their gabbing but warned thatany excessive goofing, larking or pranking couldresult in them joining the trio at the foot of the stairs.

10Clobber à la CatDeborah was beginning to feel a little better.Her buttocks were still throbbing from the workoutwith the lattice faced paddle but she conceded thatthis was not an unusual state of affairs and wasn’t areason not to have any fun. Lady Derby was keepingher glass replenished. Debs was not a big drinker butshe considered that getting marginally squiffy was anappropriate plan of action for the type of mission shewas undertaking.Debs spirits had been increasingly buoyedwhen Bernadette had made the commercially prudentmove of persuading the editor of the sports magazineto cut a cheque made out for cash.Debs stared at the cheque. “Considering howmany times I’ve been spanked and caned gratis, Isuppose it’s not bad dosh,” she sighed.“There’s plenty more where that came from,”said the Bounder. “I can get you loads of contractsand not a bad deal at my twenty-per-centcommission.”“Fifteen-per-cent, Bounder,” corrected Debs.

Café Woodys“Whatever,” shrugged Bernadette and sheturned to Lady Derby. “Make sure that Miss Morton’sglass is amply replenished,” she said magnanimously.Deborah giggled. “Very generous Bounder, thebooze is free.”“Whatever,” said Bernadette and hurried overthe concession stand to see how the sale ofmemorabilia was going.“It’s time to go up,” said Cat Cassidy, “thedresser is waiting.”Deborah sighed and swallowed down her drink.She followed Cat across the bar area.“Good luck,” she whispered to the three galsstanding at the foot of the stairs with their hands ontheir heads.Deborah had personally requested for CatCassidy to carry out the first over-the-knee spanking.Debs had always been chummy with Cat but recentlythey had become very tight.Debs knew that Cathryn had been extremelyinfluential in Lady Victoria’s decisions to promote her,first as Captain of the Red House, then as her deputyand finally to the ultimate role of Red-shirt. With LadyVix officially back in the game it was Cat that Deborahturned to for sage advice when she had trickydisciplinary decisions to make.The dresser handed Deborah an exquisite silkturquoise ball gown. She went behind the changingcurtain and slipped it on. To her delight it clung to herlike a second skin.

39“Ooh, look at you,” smiled Cat, clapping herhands. “Bella, bella!”Deborah grinned.Cat Cassidy’s chums teased her that she lookedlike a gypsy straight from central casting. She hadinherited her lush dark hair and coal black eyes fromher father, the music mogul, Chris Cassidy. Beforebeing dispatched to the Big House Cathryn had beenamongst the most photographed women in the worldas she flitted from party to party on every continent.She had been considered to be the globalambassador of the Extreme Ladette movement. Shehad favored black turtle-necks, leather jackets in avariety of colors and was rarely seen withoutsunglasses. She was considered a fashion icon.For the Grand Opening she was wearingclobber à la Cat. Cathryn had her blouses tailored bya Saville Row shirt-maker who had been frequentedby Cat’s idol, Frankie Sin. The collars were speciallydesigned to accent a slightly loosened tie. “Frank wasa man who really knew how to wear a tie loose,” Catwas fond of telling her chums. She wore a micro-miniskirt that barely covered her bumbags, black fishnetstockings with a matching suspender belt. On herhead she wore her trademark boater at a jauntyangle. Her dark eyes were accented with black eyelinerand her broad, smiley mouth was painted withscarlet lip gloss. Cathryn Cassidy knew how to makeclobber look like a style statement.

Café WoodysDeborah posed for a number of conventionalshots in the turquoise gown accentuated with avariety of necklaces, bangles and earrings.“We’ll be just a few minutes before we startthe main shoot,” said the camerawoman. “The salonsare about to be temporarily occupied.”Debs could hear steps in the stairwell as theunfortunate Stripies made their way upstairs for theirmeetings with destiny.

11Miss Yoshida of TokyoMika Yoshida looked around the lecture roomsomewhat apprehensively. There were six desks,neatly positioned in two rows with a central aisleabout four feet wide separating them. There was asingle larger table at the front of the room, along witha tall rolling blackboard. In many ways it resembledthe classrooms she had frequented years ago back inTokyo, with the exception that several crook handledcanes hung from hooks screwed into the sides of theblackboard.“Is this your first time?” asked Christy.Mika nodded. “With the cane, yes,” she said. “Ihave been spanked many times but always with thehand.”Christy nodded. “Ms Gascoigne is a very skilledpractitioner. You will be in safe hands.”“Will she absolutely cream me?” asked Mika.She spoke with a strong accent, her r’s sounding asl’s.

Café WoodysChristy studied the Japanese woman. It wasdifficult to discern her age, her skin was flawless andwrinkle-free. She could have been aged anywherebetween twenty and fifty.“No,” said Christy, “I wouldn’t suggest beingcreamed the first time out. Ms Gascoigne will give yousix, middling warm.”Mika nodded her head.“If you wish to stop at anytime just holler, MsGascoigne will give you plenty of time betweenstrokes,” Christy told Mika.“I won’t holler,” said Miss Yoshida proudly.“Only muffs yell.”Pauline Gascoigne flexed the cane between herhands. Mika Yoshida was bent across one the desks,her arms dangling over the far side, her jet black haircascading between her arms.Ms Gascoigne was impressed; Mika hadremoved her hat and blazer and bent forward withoutany fuss. Pauline turned back the hem of the navyblue gymslip. She tapped the cane down three times.Pauline had been delighted when Spanky hadelected to invite the Brass to the opening. Over thepast few months’ she had taken to attending theSaturday night feasts back at the facility. At first ithad just been her and Dotty Hammell, on a tipsydare. However, much to her surprise Pauline hadenjoyed herself despite getting a very stiff nine-strokewhopping from Christy Cranfield. She had continuedto attend the feasts and had persuaded StephaniePowell and Jane Lummell to join them.

43Sportingly the Dames had agreed to participatein the post-dinner activities and Pauline had receivedtwo more canings. She had also been required todeliver several gratuitous punishments.Ms Pauline Gascoigne had been responsible forcaning hundreds of backsides in a formal setting. Shehad always prided herself in being able to actdispassionately. She was just performing her duty.But in the light-hearted atmosphere of the Great Hallshe had found herself having terrific fun. She saw noreason to turn down Miss Spanky Botts’s generousinvitation to attend the gala opening.Miss Yoshida of Tokyo flinched as the cane cutacross her bumbags. The sensation wasextraordinary, unlike anything she had ever feltbefore. At school she had been spanked several timesfor misbehaving. She had found the experiencethrilling and during college and, later, when she hadfound work in a beauty salon she had pursuedspanking opportunities whenever they presentedthemselves.Mika Yoshida had come across thewww.woodettes.com web-site in a routine Google forthe word spanking. She had been immediatelyenthralled. She had read everything she could findand became enamored by the idea of six of the best,or 最 もよいのの6 in her native tongue. Nonetheless,when she had boarded the plane at Narita Airport shehad not imagined that she would find herself in theposition of being bent across a desk with PaulineGascoigne beating her bandy with a whippy stick.

Café WoodysHowever, Miss Yoshida did not have much timeto ruminate over her circumstances; she was deeplyengrossed in the business of keeping from howling.Christy watched the proceedings admiringly.There was no question that Pauline was highly skilledwith the cane. She was swinging her arm quitegently, delivering the type of caning that would barelymake a whop-hardened veteran from the Woody Backto School unit blink. Nonetheless, the strokes werearriving with enough sting and smart to get theattention of an inexperienced newbie like Mika.The smart and sting of the cane had certainlygot Mika’s full attention. The heat in her rear end hadrisen to a previously unimaginable temperature. Shetottered to her feet. She looked as if she dearlywished to break into an idiot gig and rub and rub andrub.“You did very well,” smiled Christy. “You canrub if you want?”“Only muffs rub,” grunted Miss Yoshida fromTokyo through clenched teeth.

12Miss Papezova of PragueRomana Papezova was looking distinctlyanxious. The sounds of Mika being caned in the nextroom had made her tummy turn somersaults. Shelicked her lips apprehensively as Christy entered thespace designed to replicate the punishment roomfrom the Woody facility.“You look nervous,” said Christy in a gentlevoice.“A little,” responded Romana.Christy was surprised; the woman had barely ahint of an Eastern European accent.“You speak good English,” said Christy.“I am a translator at the British embassy inPrague,” explained Romana.Christy nodded. “You don’t have to go throughwith this,” she assured the Czechoslovakian woman.“Everything at the café is voluntary.”Romana shrugged. “I chose to keep my stripedtie on,” she said pointedly.“Fair enough,” said Christy. “Have you everbeen caned before?”

Café WoodysRomana shook her head. “But I have a friendat the embassy, an English woman, she was caned atschool. We have discussed her experiencesextensively.”Christy narrowed her eyes slightly. “At leastthat’s something I suppose,” she said to herself.“No experience at all?” she asked aloud.Romana shook her head. “That is why I’mhere,” she said. “I wish to gain some experience inthese matters.”Christy nodded. “Miss White will be dealingwith you tonight. She is a very professional lady.Romana, you must promise me one thing. If at anytime you don’t like this you must tell us. We will stopimmediately.”Miss Romana Papezova of Prague nodded herhead. “Yes Ma’am,” she said. “I promise I will.”Melanie White removed her red blazer andloosened her tie. She slowly rolled back the sleeves ofher blouse. She looked over at Romana. When Melonshad first entered the room the Czech had still lookedanxious but now her expression had turned to one ofintense curiosity. She was staring at the long, thincane that Melanie was flexing between her handswith her head cocked to one side.“Are you ready?” asked Melanie.Romana nodded.“Then I must ask you to remove your blazerand to bend over and touch your toes,” said Melanie.“Yes Ma’am,” said Romana.

47Melons had a reputation as a terrific whopper.During her Elite year she had served as the DormRaider and had returned to share the role with ClaireBrooks during the current year. She consistentlyscored high marks for artistic merit, technical contentand heat factor on the GalGab web-site. Her caningswere always controlled, accurate and extremely tight.However, as she took aim at the upturned bumbagsof Miss Papezova of Prague Melanie White knew thatshe would have to bring all her skills to bear. Shepulled back her arm and swung the cane through theair.Caning a newbie was a balancing act. Romanahad made it clear that she wanted to experience sixof the best so Melanie felt obliged to deliversomething more than six gentle taps. Nonetheless,she was careful not to lay it on too thick.Romana took a sharp intake of breath as thecane sliced across the crown of her buttocks. Thesubsequent ignition of every nerve ending in her bodyalmost overwhelmed her. Nothing she had read or theconversations she had with her English friend at theembassy could have prepared her for the effects ofher first ever stroke of the cane.Melanie waited patiently, watching for anysigns that Romana wanted her to stop. The Czechwoman’s knees had buckled slightly when the canemade impact and her hands had slid up her shins.She stamped one of her feet on the floor and shookher head from side to side.

Café WoodysFinally Romana straightened her legs, reachedback down and touched her toes and bravely pushedher bottom up a little higher.Melanie White stepped in and swung the canethrough the air.“You did very well Miss Papezova,” smiledMelanie. “Are you okay?”The Czechoslovakian grimaced. “I was not sure whatto expect,” she said through gritted teeth, “but as wesay in my home country ‘Budu žít další den na smrt’.Melanie arched an eyebrow. “And that wouldmean?”“I will live to die another day,” and she grinnedweakly.

13Miss Parker of South KensingtonAmanda Parker stood in an untidy slouch withher hands thrust in the pockets of her open blazer.Her tie was loosened and her top button unfastened.She did not look the least bit intimidated by hersurroundings.“Let me guess,” said Christy, “I’d say that thisisn’t your first trip to the circus?”Amanda shook her head. “I got the cane a fewtimes at school and I’ve scened quite a bit sincethen,” she said quite nonchalantly. “I copped a pleaand did a two year stretch at Radcliffe forMisdemeanor Ladetting,” she added. “It was acomplete drag. I should have waited and let themsend me to Woodys, seems like that would have beena lot more fun,” said Miss Parker coolly.Christy grinned. “I’m going to leave you alonefor a few moments,” she said. “I will return with LadyBrompton. I suggest that you use the time tostraighten up your clobber and assume a rather morerespectful pose before she arrives.”

Café WoodysAmanda Parker’s eyes flickered withamusement. “Yes Ma’am,” she drawled.Christy grinned at Vix. “You’ve got a live one inthere,” she told her chum. “I don’t think you’ll need toworry about pulling the strokes, she’s jonesing for ahot one.”Vicky Brompton rolled her eyes.Amanda Parker had ignored Christy’s advice torearrange her clobber but she did shuffle intosomething vaguely resembling an attention as Victoriaapproached her. She appeared completely at ease inthe room that had been decorated similarly to theGrand Master’s office back at the facility.It was hardly surprising that Amanda seemedat home in her surroundings. As a schoolgirl she hadspent an inordinate amount of time in theHeadmistress’s office at the expensive boardingschool she had attended.Although she was a studious cove and wasrarely disruptive in class boarding school had notsuited Amanda. She was a loner by nature and hadnot responded well to the pack-animal routines thattend to prevail at such institutions. She liked to go offand do her own thing, which predominantly involvedbreaking the rules with no apparent rhyme or reason.The Headmistress and her staff tore their hairout. There was no particular pattern to Mandy’smisbehavior, except persistence. She appeared tobreak the rules just because they were rules. Whenconfronted regarding her erratic behavior Amandararely offered any explanation or excuse and seemed

51perfectly amenable to accepting the consequences ofher actions.The school considered itself to be a liberalinstitute and used corporal punishment sparingly.Pupils who received the cane rarely returned for asecond helping. During the period that Amandaattended the school only two other girls went back fora repeat dose. By contrast, Amanda Parker was caneda dozen times.Much to the Headmistress’s chagrin beingcaned didn’t seem to bother her most errant pupil andsometimes she suspected that it amused Amanda.Despite her appalling disciplinary record shegraduated with good grades and secured a place atCamford to read Medieval History. Apparently thestrictures of university life didn’t suit Miss Parkermuch either and her anti-establishment tendenciesbrought her into conflict with the authorities. Duringher short tenure at the college the former residentdisciplinarian, Ms Phyllis MacAllister, was invited toreturn on several occasions to roast Amanda’s rumpwith the two-tailed tawse.After being sent down following an incidentinvolving minor arson she moved to the Smoke.Despite benefiting from a generous trust fundestablished by a wealthy aunt she chose to seekemployment. She waited tables at the famous schoolthemedcabaret, the Tuck Shop, where she rubbedelbows with Miss Spanky Botts. Amanda regularlyaugmented her tips by touting her navy bluebumbags to enthusiastic revelers. She was also

Café Woodysfrequently featured as a special guest at CathyCooper’s spanking happenings.Unfortunately trouble continued to follow MissParker wherever she went and she caught theattention of the Dark Agents of the System. Duringher second appearance before the sentencingcommittee she was warned that a further charge ofLadetting would earn her a seven year stretch at theBig House under the three strikes and out rules.Daunted by the prospect of the lengthy sentence sheaccepted an offer of a two year stretch at theRadcliffe Back to School unit.Trouble continued to hound her and on severaloccasions she was required to hold out her hand tobe caned with the instrument originally procured topunish Lisa Sutton. Mandy only escaped beingtransferred to Woodys due to the annual quota oftwelve new inmates having already been filled.When Amanda emerged from Radcliffe theWhops and Clobber zeitgeist was in full flow. Amandaimmediately visited a haberdashery and purchased astriped blazer and associated Woody clobberaccessories. She secured membership on thewww.woodettes.com web-site and in the privacy ofher South Kensington apartment she spent her daysimmersing herself in the daily reports of the antics ofthe legends from the Woody Back to School unit.

14Caned by a LegendLady Victoria Brompton looked Amanda Parkerup and down.“Your tie’s undone and your blazer isunfastened,” she said pointedly.Mandy shrugged. “What of it?”“Spanky posted the Clobber Protocols on theweb-site,” Victoria said evenly.Amanda nodded. “Yes Ma’am, I read them.”“Then you understand the consequences ofblatant clobber abuse?” asked Victoria.Amanda nodded again. “Yes Ma’am, I believe Ido.”“Very well,” said Lady Vix. “Miss Cranfieldplease make a note that when Miss Parker next visitsthe café she is to report upstairs for a mandatoryslippering.”Victoria couldn’t help noticing the flicker of asmile that crossed Amanda’s face when she heard thenews.“Now Miss Parker, I must ask you to removeyour blazer and bend over the chair,” said Victoria.

Café WoodysAlthough Lady Vix had delivered the vastmajority of her punishments with the ceremonial Redshirthairbrush the protocols dictated that shemaintained her certification with the cane. Followingthe Sally Poffers fiasco during the previous yearVictoria had been forced to stand in as Captain of theBlue House while Claire’s appointment as successorwas being formally ratified. Vix had been required tobeat several gals on House Business and had receivedrave reviews for her prowess with the cane. Vix wasconfident that if Miss Parker was jonesing for a hotone, she could deliver.Amanda shrugged off her blazer andunhurriedly approached the straight-backed chair infront of the fireplace. She hung the jacket across theback and slowly folded herself in half so that she wasreaching over and gripping the rung just below thecushioned seat. Once she was in position she settledin. She couldn’t believe her good fortune. She hadn’treally known what to expect at the café, Spanky hadplayed her cards close to her chest. Never in herwildest dreams had Amanda Parker imagined shewould find herself bent over the back of a chairwaiting to be caned by a legend.Victoria watched intently for Amanda’sreaction. The former Red-shirt had unleashed arelatively hot one as an opener. Amanda’s back hadarched a little at the moment of impact but she hadstayed resolutely in position. If anything she hadpoked her bottom up a little higher as she waited forthe second stroke to arrive.

55Christy and Victoria were impressed by MissParker of South Kensington. Clearly she was cut fromthe right stuff. Lady Victoria had kept the heat factorup high for the first five strokes but Amanda hadbarely squirmed. She kept her body in tightformation, her head well down and her arse well up.Victoria took a tight grip on the cane andstepped in to deliver the closer.Amanda Parker gritted her teeth. Despite hercourageous display the slender cane was getting herfullest attention. She gripped the rung of the chairand waited for the closer to arrive.Victoria sliced the cane down diagonally tocomplete a perfect five-bar gate. It was a magnificentstrike that echoed around the room like a rifle-shot.Victoria and Christy waited patiently whileAmanda gathered herself. She remained folded overthe back of the chair, her buttocks twitching visibly,for almost a full sixty seconds before straighteningup.Amanda kept her eyes closed as the waves ofpain surged through her body. She had forgotten howmuch it hurt to be thrashed with a whippy stick,nonetheless as the pain cycled through her systemshe felt a rush of exhilaration. She slowly pushedherself up from her prone position and turned to faceVicky and Christy. Her lips were slightly pursed andher face was pale but there was a noticeable twinkle

Café Woodysin her eye. She kept her hands by her sides andshowed no inclination to reach back and rub.“Bravo,” smiled Christy.“Well taken,” grinned Victoria.Amanda let her breath out in a long, low hiss.She nodded her head slightly in acknowledgement.She winked at Victoria.“You’re good,” she said, “you are very, verygood.”

15A Cat SpankingDownstairs in the bar area the Woodetteswatched the plasma screens. Upstairs in the replicalibrary Cathryn Cassidy was seated on an armlesschair. The guests watched excitedly as Deborahoffered Cat Cassidy her wrist and allowed herself tobe lowered downwards.Debs stretched out into a full drape. Thecamerawoman crouched down and asked her to raiseher head and stare into the lens. The motor windwhirred and the shutter snapped a dozen times. Thecamerawoman stood up and Debs lowered her headback down between her out-stretched arms. She feltCathryn smoothing out the material of the skirt of hergown over her upturned buttocks. She sighed andwaited to be spanked.Cat Cassidy put her arm around Deborah’swaist and tucked her in tightly to the crease of herlap. She raised her hand in the air and started tospank.

Café WoodysThe size of the cheque from the sportsmagazine and Lady Derby’s frequent replenishment ofher champagne flute had revived Deborah’s spiritssomewhat. Although her backside was still tenderfrom the earlier excursion over Rachel’s knee thespanking was quite tolerable.Cat was delivering the smacks in a leisurelyand systematic manner. Six slow spanks to the rightbuttock followed by six on the left. Deborah settledinto the rhythm, wriggling and squirming theatrically.Every now and again the camerawoman would crouchdown and Deborah would dutifully contort her faceinto a silent howl.Cat delivered a second leisurely set of twelvespanks that were barely an inconvenience to a whophardenedveteran like Deborah Morton. It occurred toDebs that at five hundred quid a spank it was goodwork if you could get it. She hammed it up for thecamera.“Jeez,” panted Debs. The sudden full-on blitzattack had caught her unawares. Twelve full bloodedspanks had rained down on her unsuspectingposterior at a rapid pace. Involuntarily her legs hadscissored spastically, her fists had pummeled the airand her head had shaken from side to side.“Perfect,” applauded the camerawoman asDebs shocked face was caught up front and personal.“Yowser!” groaned Debs as the camerawomanbusied herself photographing her squirming rear end.Cathryn helped Debs to her feet and put herarms around her. “Are you okay,” she asked.

59“Jeez Cat, that was some wicked spanking,”groaned Debs. “You took me by surprise. I was notexpecting a fucking blitz attack. Sometimes I forgethow effective a plain good old fashioned handspanking can be.”Lady Derby Huntington hurried over with aglass of champagne. “Here drink this,” she told Debs.“Rosemary’s going to be along in a second to cool youdown before your next session.” She turned toCathryn. “You were fantastic Miss Cassidy,” she said.“Any one who can make Miss Morton wriggle andsquirm like that must be a true artiste. I’d be honoredif you’d spank me sometime at your convenience.”“Oh good fucking grief, Derby, you are trulyfucking barking,” giggled Debs.Derby just giggled and retrieved a ratherfetching red chiffon dress from a hanger.Rosemary spread Deborah out across her lapand dipped her fingers into a pot of cooling balm.“That’s quite a glow you’ve got going on,” sheremarked as she ran her fingers over the hot andswollen flesh.“Oh, ya think,” snorted Debs. “You don’t thinkI’d noticed? Who’d have guessed that Cat’s got handslike fucking house bricks?”“Well you’re nearly finished now,” saidRosemary reassuringly. “Just one more session andyou’re done for the night.”“That’s easy for you to say,” groaned Debs.“Just one more session maybe, but its just one more

Café Woodyssession with the Butcher Twins and I’m pretty surethat those gals can spank hard.”Rosemary rubbed the mystical balm intoDeborah’s swollen flesh. “Just think of all the lovelywonga you’re making,” she advised, “and you’ll getthrough it.”“Hmmm,” muttered Deborah Morton.

16The New CelebritiesDownstairs Mika, Romana and Mandy Parkerhad been feted like conquering heroines when theyhad wriggled back into the bar area.The three gals were greeted with a hugewhoop of applause and stamping of feet. They werehugged and kissed and copious flutes brimming withicy bubbles were thrust into their hands. Wisely allthree of them declined the offers of seats as theysipped their champagne and began to give whop bywhop accounts of their close encounters with theWoody legends. They had become instant celebrities.While Deborah was switching outfits inpreparation for her final photo-shoot of the nightthree more Stripies were nervously mounting thestairs that led to the punishment salons. Once againthe draw had produced an international selection ofWoodettes featuring guests from Australia, Icelandand a small town in Southern Ireland. They each hadvaguely befuddled looks on their faces as theyclimbed the stairs.

Café WoodysSpanky slipped into a chair in the VIP areawhere Jojo and Mr Humphries were seated.“How do you think its going?” she askedsomewhat nervously.Jojo smiled. “Look around you,” she replied.“Everybody’s having a blast.”Spanky grinned. “How about you guys?” sheasked. “I’m sorry everybody is bothering you, butyou’re Woody royalty.”Jojo patted Spanky’s hand. “We’re fine. It’s sogreat to have a chance to meet all the gals from thechat rooms. You should be proud of yourself.”Miss Spanky Botts beamed from ear to ear.Miss Bernadette Summers beamed from ear toear as she counted the moolah she was taking at theconcession stand. Even taking into account the largecharitable contribution she was obliged to make tothe Spanky Botts Foundation the Bounder was makingout like a bandit. She dearly wished that she hadcommissioned her Uncle Stacks sweatshops to work afew extra shifts.Christy Cranfield monitored the proceedingsupstairs in the punishment salons. The three Stripieswere doing remarkably well, but, of course, they werein safe hands. Claire Brooks, Dotty Hammell andPhyllis MacAllister had been selected to deliver thelickings.Christy was particularly impressed by theDyke’s performance. Phyllis was dressed in a spiffytuxedo, a starched wing-collar shirt and a silk bow-tie.

63She had selected a grey topper with a six-inch crownand a toned black grosgrain ribbon for the evening.She sported a monocle and spats with white bindingand silver snaps. The Dyke had an eight and a halfinch long telescopic cigarette holder, with a buttejection feature, clamped between her teeth. She wascarrying a tumbler filled with a healthy slug ofFamous Grouse when she strode into the upstairssalon.The Dyke was scheduled to thrash SiobhanO’Rielly, a dark haired beauty from Castletownroachin County Cork. Siobhan had confessed to Christy thatshe had some limited experience of corporalpunishment. She had once received a bare bottomspanking with a hairbrush in front of the wholeschool, delivered by one of the Sisters of Mercy fromthe convent she had attended.Christy was slightly concerned that PhyllisMacAllister might be a little intimidating for therecreational spanking theater. The Dyke had areputation for being an ultra-tough disciplinarian. Hergravelly voice and almost impenetrable Highlandaccent added to her dour aura. However, Christyneedn’t have worried, everything went offswimmingly. Phyllis was charm itself and actuallycracked a couple of jokes with Siobhan beforebending her over and beating her bandy with thetwo-tailed tawse.Miss O’Reilly of County Cork showedremarkable resilience and even shared a hug with theDyke before returning downstairs to bask in her newfound celebrity.

Café WoodysThe guest’s attention returned to the plasmascreens as Debs entered the replica libraryaccompanied by Patsy and Lindsey Butcher.Deborah stood five feet four in stockinged feetand was relatively short in stature for an internationalclass tennis player. The Amazonian Rastafarianstowered over her in their high-heeled shoes.

17The Tom-Tom Drumming Twins“You have to be kidding me!” wailed Debs asthe crew explained the art direction for the nextphoto-session.“It’ll add a little humor to the piece,” the artdirector told her.“Yes, very funny,” growled Debs, “my sides aresplitting from laughing.”The beautiful Rastafarian twins were seated ontwo chairs facing each other. As usual the twinslooked magnificent. When the athletic twins had beenat the height of their fame as the fastest two womenin the country they had regularly been courted by theglitterati of the fashion world and were amongst thehighest paid models in the world. Side by side theywere almost indistinguishable although back to backLindsey was half an inch taller.The twins were dressed identically in skinhugging white blouses which contrasted with theirebony flesh, and micro-mini skirts that showed offtheir long, athletic legs. Their ties were loosened and

Café Woodystheir cuffs rolled back. They both wore their hairpulled back from their faces with their waist-lengthbraided dreadlocks tied back in matching scrunchies.Dressed in a slinky red chiffon numberDeborah was draped across their knees. The twoformer Woody inmates were simultaneously spankinga buttock each. Using both hands the twins werebeating time to a samba soundtrack that thephotographer had thoughtfully put in the CD player.“This is ridiculous! I feel like a damned tomtomdrum,” Debs complained. The twins ignored herand continued to spank her bottom in perfectsynchronization with the music.“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” growled Debs as the cameraflashed in her face.Although she was tight with the Butcher TwinsDeborah Morton was having considerable difficultyfeeling the love. She was not amused at the tinkles oflaughter coming from the bar while she was beingsamba spanked. The Butcher twins hands rat-a-tattattedoff the seat of her dress at an alarming pace.Although the spanks were not being delivered withmuch force the speed with which they were arrivingwas extremely disconcerting.Downstairs the Woodettes were getting intothe swing of things. Gals were bending over tables,bar stools and sofas encouraging their chums to slaptheir bums to the rhythm of the exotic music.Spanky Botts grinned widely. “Have you everseen anything like this?” she giggled.

67Jojo shook her head in amazement. “Never,”she laughed. “Just look at Nix and Penny Ann and MsScott,” she said in disbelief.Nicola Jane Nixon had folded herself across abarstool and flipped up her skirt. Penny Ann and SuzyScott were gleefully spanking her to the sound ofsamba.Upstairs, Deborah was beginning to gyrategymnastically. The samba-spanking was going onconsiderably longer than she cared for.“Just another couple of dozen spanks,” the artdirector assured her.“Are you fucking kidding me, I’m done,” Debsspluttered and tried to scramble free.Patsy and Lindsey exchanged glances,uncertain whether to release their chum. Sensing awindow of opportunity for escape Deborah used allher strength to catapult herself from the twins’ laps.It was not an elegant exit but it proved successful. Inone athletic bound she was free.There was considerable tension in the room.The twins were adamant that they would not continuewithout Deborah’s full consent. Bernadette and theart director were haggling over contractual liabilities.Debs had gone to the changing rooms and wasinspecting the state of her rear end.“Everybody thought that was funny?” Debsasked sulkily.Spanky Botts smiled and handed Debs acamcorder and showed her video footage of theboisterous shenanigans in the downstairs bar.

Café WoodysDeborah peered into the viewfinder. “Oh goodfucking grief,” was all she could think of to say.“I’ve negotiated a completion bonus,”announced the Bounder.Debs snorted. “I’ve told you, I’m done,” shesnapped. “Now go and collect my cheque. I’ve keptmy end of the bargain. How many photographs canthey need?”“Oh come on Debs,” pleaded Bernadette.“What harm? I mean the twins aren’t even spankingyou hard. It’s just a little paddy whacking.”Deborah scowled. “I felt ridiculous. I’m notgoing to act as a fucking tom-tom. People are goingto start calling me Bongo Bum.”“That part is finished,” said Bernadettesmoothly. “They just want you to get a quickspanking from each of the twins and then it’ll be donewith.”Deborah narrowed her eyes. “What to youdefine as a quick spanking?” she asked suspiciously.“And how much is this fucking completion bonus?”

18Just a Couple of Quick Spankings“Oh my lawd, I must be fucking barking,”muttered Debs as Patsy Butcher’s right hand loudlyrebounded off the seat of her skirt.It had taken all of the Bounders negotiatingskills to persuade Debs back into the punishmentsalon. Bernadette had finally been reduced to offeringDeborah a volume discount on her commissions if sheagreed to take another trip over each of the twins’laps.When Deborah had emerged from thechanging rooms in a little black cocktail dress andthree inched spiked heels she had felt rather elegant.Her hair had been bundled prettily on top of her headand she wore an exquisite pearl necklace withmatching earrings. She posed for several fashionshots before she allowed herself to be lowered facedown across Patsy’s lap. However, she was quicklyfinding it difficult to feel even vaguely elegant spread-

Café Woodyseagled face down and arse up having her bottomsoundly spanked by an Amazonian Rastafarian.Deborah wriggled and squirmed in Patsy’s lap.It occurred to her that she would have been better offcontinuing the Great Samba Spanking. Although shehad felt ridiculous acting as a tom-tom drum the slapshad been delivered with considerably less force thanthe taxing bombardment she was currently sufferingunder the terms of her completion bonus.Nonetheless, she gritted her teeth and settled in.“It’s only a fucking spanking,” she consoledherself.Patsy possessed a good right arm. Severalnights a week she returned to the compound andworked out with weights in the facilities WellnessCenter. She was spanking Debs at a leisurely pace,three spanks on the right buttock, followed by threeon the left, and then methodically repeating theprocess.The camerawoman was crouched down withher lens focused on Deborah’s face capturing everynuance as the spanking proceeded. Even through thematerial of the cocktail dress the spanking wasgenerating considerable heat in Deborah’s alreadytender rear end. She was having no difficulty showingthe full gamut of her emotions.Patty blew on her right hand. “You’ve got ahard arse,” she grinned, “my hand is stinging likecrazy.”

71“Oh I am so sorry,” Deborah drawledsarcastically. “Perhaps if you hadn’t spanked me sohard you wouldn’t have that problem.”Debs was taking a brief breather to have herhair and make-up touched up. The art director wasexplaining that they would shoot the final spankingfrom the rear end.“I’d like to see plenty of wriggling andsquirming,” she told Debs, “and if you can look backover your shoulder that would be great.”“I don’t know whether you’ve ever had aspanking, honey,” growled Debs, “but I can assureyou that I’ll have more than enough on my mind forthe next few minutes without having to think aboutart direction. You’ll just have to make do with whatyou get.”“Well do your best,” said the art director airily.Unenthusiastically Debs stretched out acrossLindsey’s lap. The brief interval had not been quitelong enough to allow her bottom to cool down to thewarm glow that followed a hand-spanking and it wasstill burning furiously. She felt Lindsey tucking her inand smoothing down her skirt.Debs was conscious of the camerawomanpointing the camera at her rear end. Six months agoit would have been unthinkable to Deborah to havethat view of her anatomy photographed. For yearsshe had struggled with fluctuating weight and shehad always been particularly self-conscious about herbottom, which she considered to be overly padded.However the combination of Rosemary’s new dietprogram and her kick-boxing work-outs with Suzy

Café WoodysScott had toned her bum considerably. For the firsttime in her life she was rather proud of her pertprotuberance.“Whenever you’re ready Miss Butcher,” saidthe art director gaily.Debs Morton gritted her teeth again andwaited for the spanking to commence.Lindsey Butcher was proving equally adept inthe business of spanking as her twin sister. She wasemploying a medley technique, a spank here, a spankthere, and then a couple of spanks on the same spot.The unpredictability of her targets made it impossiblefor Deborah to settle into the rhythm. Debs had nodifficulty providing the art director with as muchwriggling and squirming as she desired. By the timethey were finished Deborah made no effort to rise.She just hung upside down across Lindsey’s lappanting.

19Self-Interest and CommissionsDebs had changed back into her official redshirt and black tie. She found a seat in the VIP areawith Jojo and Mr Humphries and gratefully accepted aglass of bubbles from Lady Derby.The Bounder sidled up and sat down besideher. She reached into her blazer pocket and extractedanother generous cheque.“Not a bad night’s work, sis,” she grinned.Debs sipped her drink. Although becoming aninternational spanking model had never featured inher comeback plans she had to admit that it waslucrative work. Even if she didn’t win a single squid ofprize-money when she returned to the professionaltennis circuit the proceeds from the night’s spankingswould give her a reasonable financial cushion so thatshe could travel in relative comfort.“I’ll make sure it gets into your account in theCayman Islands,” promised the Bounder.Debs nodded. “Thanks Bernie,” she said.“Now sis there is just one last thing,” smiledBernadette.

Café WoodysDebs slit her eyes suspiciously.“I took a call from Clobber Monthly,” startedthe Bounder. “They’ve heard about the photo-shootsand I think they are a tad jealous. They’d like to makeyou an offer.”“No Bounder! I don’t even want to hear anymore of your nonsense,” said Debs emphatically.“Now do me a favor and leave me alone to let mybum cool down so I can enjoy the rest of theevening.”The Bounder scowled. “That’s a very negativeattitude,” she growled. “I’m working very hard lookingout for your best interests and you won’t even hearme out.”“Bounder, your only interest is self-interest andyour commissions,” snapped Debs.Bernadette continued to scowl. “You’re makinga big mistake,” she said sulkily. “Thirty grand for sixwhaps with a puny little riding crop is some seriouswedge.”Deborah glared at the Bounder. “No!” she saidirritably, “now beat it; you’re beginning to give methe pip.”The Bounder pouted and stomped off to checkon the takings at the concession store.The Bounder’s disappointment at Deborah’srefusal to participate in another photo-shoot wasshort-lived. The Bernadette Summers EnterprisesWhops and Clobber boutique was quickly selling outof memorabilia. The Bounder rubbed her bumbagswith glee when Lisa Sutton informed her that theorders for personalized clobber bearing the exclusive

75BSE motif would keep the seamstresses at her UncleStacks’s sweatshops in overtime wages for months tocome.She looked thoughtful. “How much cash havewe got in the till?” she asked Lisa.The Minxster shrugged. “Not much, a fewgrand I should imagine, most of the punters pay oncredit cards.”“Give me what you’ve got,” said Bernadette.“What on earth for? There’s nothing to spendmoney on here.” asked Lisa. “Food and booze is onSpanky.”The Bounder scowled. “There are alwaysbusiness transactions to be taken care of. Now justgive me the wedge and don’t worry I’ll give you anIOU so that your accounts balance,” she growled.Lisa sighed. She knew better to probe intoBernadette’s mysterious business transactions. TheBounder was an exceptionally canny businesswomanand often pitched up with large quantities of wedgefrom unexplained sources. Lisa went to the till andstarted to count out bank-notes.Deborah scowled as Bernadette pulled up achair in the VIP area.“How’s ya bum?” the Bounder asked. “Coolingdown a bit by now, I should imagine.”Deborah just grunted in response.The Bounder reached under her skirt andextracted a thick wad of banknotes from the elasticwaistband of her bumbags. She placed the pile ofcash on the table in front of Debs.“What’s that?” asked Debs suspiciously.

Café Woodys“A goodwill down-payment,” said Bernadette.She reached over and retrieved the pile and fanned itout between her fingers. “There’s nearly five grandcash here,” she said. “When was the last time youhad that much real wedge at your disposal? Still ifyou don’t want it, I’ll be on my way.” She packed thenotes back into a neat pile, reached under her skirtand replaced the wad in the waist-band of herbumbags, stood up and ambled back towards the bararea.

20Bibs Down, Ties BackMiss Spanky Botts took to the stage andannounced a full clobber stand-down. She instructedthe Stripies to stand up and place their hands on theirheads.The guests in the striped ties nervously got totheir feet. The tension in the bar was palpable.Spanky’s polling on the www.woodettes.com web-sitehad revealed that clobber inspection was an area ofacute fascination amongst the Woodettes. WhenSpanky had sent out the invitations to the GrandOpening she had included copies of the rules,regulations and protocols of the Woody Politics ofClobber and warned the guests to read themcarefully.Spanky had solicited the assistance of steadyhands like Claire, Cat and Melons to perform full bibdown, tie back inspections of the Stripies. The Woodylegends circulated around the bar, taking their timeover the inspections. As the evening had worn onseveral of the Woodettes had begun to get squiffyand had unfastened their collars and loosened their

Café Woodysties. By the time the inspections were completed halfa dozen Stripies had been red carded and dispatchedto form a line at the foot of the stairs.Katie Beck was bitching up a storm in thesaloon bar of the Bunch of Grapes. She was iridescentwith anger at Patty Hodge’s insistence that theRadical Right boycott the Grand Opening.Katie had been delighted to receive aninvitation and had been keenly looking forward toattending the gala party.“Spanky Botts is a degenerate,” Patty hadpronounced autocratically, “we cannot be seen to besupporting this ridiculous event.”“But Patricia, we’ve attended other Woodyevents like the Great Spank-off and the after-showentertainment at the Westside Story production,”argued Katie. “You had a wonderful time.”Patty Hodge had merely sneered at Katie andjabbed her in the chest with her long pointed finger.“You will not be attending,” she said imperiously,“and that is an order!”Katie Beck pouted sulkily. She was beginningto have serious reservations about Patty’s suitabilityto continue in her role as Commander-in-Chief of theRadical Right.Spanky Botts had taken inordinate care toensure that her guests at the café enjoyed the bestfacsimile of the Woody experience as possible. Shehad dispatched a Woodette who resided in Athens tovisit the flea markets in Monastiraki to procure leathersoled sandals from the vendor favored by Katie Beck.

79The majority of the Stripies who had beencited for clobber abuse were only guilty of havingtheir ties loosened and escaped with six spanks.However, one Woodette had excelled herself in thefield of sloppy clobber.Claire Brooks had performed the inspection ofMiss Diana Dunlop. Clearly Miss Dunlop had indulgedin a few scoops and clobber monitoring had not beenon her list of priorities. Unlike the majority of theStripies Diana was not wearing a bib-fronted gymslip.Not only was the knot of her tie halfway to her midriffbut the tails of her blouse hung out of the waistbandof her short pleated skirt and her socks wereconcertinaed around her ankles. She was a mess byany standards.Claire and Christy outlined Diana’s options toher. She could elect to receive a full eighteen spankrump roasting or she could schedule the slippering inshorter six spank sessions to be completed onsubsequent visits to the café.Fifteen minutes of nose and toes appeared tohave sobered Miss Dunlop up somewhat. She listenedintently to Christy’s explanation of her options. Everynow and again her eyes would avert to the leathersoled sandal on the table.“Can I see that thing?” she asked.Claire shrugged and handed Diana the slipper.

Café WoodysDiana studied the slipper, waving it throughthe air and then unexpectedly she slapped it down onthe palm of her left hand.“Wow,” she squealed, shaking her hand in theair. “That was not a good idea, that thing smarts.”Christy and Claire suppressed grins.“So what’s the plan, Miss Dunlop?” askedChristy.

21Diana Expands her HorizonsDiana Dunlop lay across Claire Brooks lap. Shesquirmed into position and stretched her arms andlegs out fully. Claire carefully turned back the shortpleated skirt revealing a neatly rounded navy bluegossamer clad rear end.Christy handed Claire the leather soled sandal.“Are you ready?” Claire asked Diana.Diana just grunted.Claire raised the sandal in the air and broughtit down hard.Any remnants of the euphoria generated bythe numerous Bacardi and cokes she had consumedwere immediately dispelled with the stinging arrival ofthe slipper.Diana Dunlop had been delighted when shehad received notification that she had won a ticket tothe Grand Opening.Diana had always been an avid fan of RonaldSearle books and the films featuring the riotous

Café Woodysadventures of the belles of St Trinians. Naturally shehad been fascinated by the revelations of lifeimitating art during the Snobs and Rotters tribunaland became an instant Woodette. Most evenings shevisited the chat rooms on the www.woodette.comweb-site and enthusiastically monitored the trials andtribulations of the beleaguered bumbags of theinmates at the Woody facility.Diana found herself increasingly preoccupiedwith the subject of spanking and corporalpunishment. She surfed the net, poring over picturesof clobber clad females having their bottomswhacked, wondering what it would be like.At the suggestion of a fellow Woodette sheprocured a wooden spatula hand-crafted fromCanadian redwood that was ideal for self flagellation.Although she disliked the actual moment of impactDiana discovered that she enjoyed the sensations ofthe aftermath. She liked to sit at her computerchatting with her chums with a warm and rosybottom underneath her navy blue bumbags.When Spanky had extended the invitation forthe guests to participate in a night of good oldfashioned spanking fun Diana was delighted at theprospect of expanding her horizons and arrived at thecafé sporting a striped tie.Diana Dunlop was beginning to question thewisdom of expanding her horizons. Claire Brooks hadher tucked in tightly and was bouncing the leathersoled sandal of Diana’s bumbags with considerableauthority.

83It occurred to Diana that her experiments withself-flagellation had not fully prepared her for a fullblown real-time spanking. Nonetheless, she wasdetermined to fully explore the experience so shegritted her teeth and kept her head well down andher arse well up.Claire Brooks worked methodically. Shespanked Diana’s bottom up one side and back downthe other. After six spanks she offered Diana theopportunity to be released and to continue theslippering at a later date. Diana Dunlop politelydeclined the offer.Claire Brooks had the rare distinction of beingthe only inmate during the Woody Back to Schoolunit’s history who had never received a slippering forclobber abuse. Nonetheless, the vivid accounts of herless fortunate chums of their encounters with thepotent leather-soled sandals made her certain thatDiana’s backside would be heating up furiously.Claire Brooks smoothed down Diana’s skirt andhelped her to return to the vertical. The expression onDiana’s face left Claire in no doubt that the spankinghad been a success. Her victim’s eyelids wereflickering and she was puffing out her cheeks andletting out her breath in sharp pants. She shifted herweight from foot to foot and clenched and unclenchedher hands as she struggled to resist the temptation torub.Diana Dunlop tucked her blouse back into thewaistband of her skirt and reached down and pulled

Café Woodysup her socks. She fastened the top two buttons of herblouse and corrected the knot of her tie. Sheretrieved her blazer and accepted the offer of ahairbrush from Christy.As she brushed her hair Diana Dunlopevaluated the past few moments of her life. At thirtyyears old she had just received her first real spanking.She had read numerous accounts of over the kneespankings but nothing could really prepare a gal forthe experience of being face down, arse up acrossanother woman’s lap in the ultimate position ofsubmission. As her skirt was being folded back shehad been filled with apprehension. When Clairemaneuvered her into the crease of her lap and took atight grip around her waist Diana had felt completelydefenseless.Claire had delivered a professional classspanking. Long, slow and very, very juicy. Betweenspanks Diana’s mind had raced. Every spank wasexcruciating; part of her wanted Claire to deliver thespanks faster so it would be over with, but anotherpart of her dreaded the arrival of another scaldingslap of the sandal. It had been a roller-coaster of anexperience. As she handed the hairbrush back toChristy Diana had a hint of a smile on her face. As thewarm glow started to settle in Diana Dunlopconcluded that it was an experience she would like torepeat.

22Spanked by a RozzerSpanky Botts was not about to host theopening of her nightclub without seeing some actionherself.She shrugged off her blazer and stretched outacross ex-Police Sergeant Ellen Millar’s lap. When shehad first arrived at the nightclub Ellen had beenwearing the Woody prefects clobber that she hadtaken to wearing since she had been reassigned fromthe Rozzers to take up the position of Head ofSecurity at the Woody facility. However, for theforthcoming entertainment she had dressed in theceremonial police uniform that she had kept as asouvenir from her time as a rozzer. She wore a blacksilver buttoned tunic and skirt over a white blouseand black tie. She had pinned her hair up under herblack hat with the black and white chequered band.The sight of the policewoman spanking thegymslip attired Spanky inspired renewed rounds ofapplause and glass chinking.

Café WoodysSpanky Botts wiggled her bottom cheekily inresponse to the whooping Woodettes and settled infor an extended bottom warming session.Spanky Botts had always fantasized aboutbeing spanked by a rozzer. She often got dressed upin her full clobber and drove her sports car at recklessspeeds up and down the motorways hoping to getstopped by Plod. However, to her disappointment shehad somehow escaped the radar, although she wascertain it was only a matter of time before she wascaught. Miss Spanky Botts planned on exchangingspanks for speeding fines.The sight of Ellen in her ceremonial uniformhad sent a pleasant tingle up her spine.Ellen Millar had felt compelled to resign hercommission with the constabulary after entering intoa passionate affair with Bernadette Summersgodfather, the legendary nightclub owner andsuspected mobster, Stacks Monroe.Ellen’s relationship with the higher echelons ofPlod had often been precarious. Despite her sterlingrecord for courage in the course of action she hadreceived several formal reprimands for extra curriculahi-jinx.Ellen Millar had sensed that fraternizing withone of the Smoke’s rummest coves would beconsidered bad form by her more Neanderthalsuperiors. She cut her losses before she was hauledover the coals and had availed of Mr Humphries’invitation to join his staff. Ms Lawton had kindlyarranged for her to be placed on the payroll as a

87consultant to Military Intelligence so that her pensionwould be protected.Ellen loved life at Woodys. Her heroics andleadership during the attacks by the Confederacy ofYoofs and the Man from Berlin had given her an openinvitation to sit at the top table amongst the Woodymega-minxes.When she was still at school, Ellen had alwayswanted to be a prefect but untoward circumstanceshad prevailed and she had never fulfilled her dream.When she joined the staff at the Woody facility shehad requested to be allowed to wear the clobber ofthe Elite, complete with her sergeant’s stripes stitchedonto the sleeves of her red blazer.Ellen Millar was determined to give MissSpanky Botts a bum warming she wouldn’t forget in ahurry.Ex-Police Sergeant Ellen Millar was warming toher work. Since taking up residence at the WoodyBack to School unit Ellen had been given ampleopportunity to observe the mechanics of a damn goodspanking. She regularly assisted Ms Suzy Scott in herreviews of the daily close circuit TV tapes to ensurethat discipline was being administered strictly incompliance with the rules, regulations and protocols.Ellen Millar grinned with satisfaction. Spanky’sbum was turning a healthy rouge as smack aftersmack bombarded her. Ellen worked her way up oneside and down the other, making sure that everycentimeter of the bared flesh was accounted for.Spanky was beginning to wriggle in earnest as the

Café Woodystemperature of her backside increased to furnacelevel.The Woodettes whooped and hollered. Clearlyex-Police Sergeant Ellen Millar was doing a sterlingjob. Spanky Botts legs had begun to scissorrhythmically and her head was shaking from side toside as the bombardment reached its crescendo. Ellenfinished with a well-orchestrated blitz attack thatcaused Spanky to writhe and squirm withconsiderable energy.Ellen rolled up Spanky’s bumbags andsmoothed down her gymslip.“That will be all Miss Botts,” the ex-rozzer saiddryly and helped Spanky to her feet.The audience whooped and cheered andcavorted in the aisles as Ellen and Spanky Botts tooka bow.

23A Red-CardThe bar area fell silent at the sound of thewhistle.Miss Jane Bowles of Chelmsford turned brightred and hung her head momentarily before sliding offher bar-stool.Melanie White stood before her waving a redcard.“Jane Bowles, six of the best for excessivegoofing,” Melons announced loudly. “Repair to thelibrary, I’ll be along to beat you shortly.”With her shoulders slightly slumped and asomewhat inelegant gait to her step Miss Bowleslooked self-conscious as she maneuvered her waythrough the crowded bar.At least when the tombola was brought uponto the stage the Stripies had a brief opportunity toprepare themselves for the possibility that they mayshortly be taking a visit upstairs to bend over.However, the timing of the delivery of red-cards wascompletely unpredictable and placed them at aconsiderable disadvantage.

Café WoodysThe inmates of the Woody facility watchedsympathetically as Miss Bowles was forced to trudgetowards the stairs with her head bowed and eyesaverted. No matter how cynical and whop-hardenedthe inmates had become they all still experienced thesame heart-stopping, gut-wrenching sensation everytime a red-card was thrust in their face.Jane Bowles took up position outside thelibrary. She pressed her nose to the wall and placedher hands on her head. Her heart was racing, hertummy was churning and her backside was throbbing.Earlier in the evening her name had beendrawn from the tombola and she had attended thepunishment salon made up like the lecture roomwhere she had been caned by Cathryn Cassidy.Miss Bowles had not arrived at the cafésporting a virgin arse. Like many of the moreexperienced Woodettes her interest in corporalpunishment had first evolved at boarding school.The school she attended had operated asystem where throughout the year the pupils wereawarded positive and negative performance marks. Atthe end of the year the girl from each year that hadthe lowest overall score was dispatched to thegymnasium to be caned. The idea was to give theluckless recipients something to think about over thesummer hols so they would return the following yearsuitably inspired to improve their performance.Like any school there were numerous cliques.At one end of the scale were the prim and properswats that groveled to the staff and worked

91assiduously to maximize their collection of positivepoints. At the other end of the spectrum were JaneBowles and her pals.They were more interested in fashion and popmusic than Latin and Greek. They spent hours indetention writing lines and were regularly gated afterbeing caught in town smoking, drinking and carousingwith the local likely lads. They treated the system as acompetitive sport.At the end of her first year at the school Janerepresented her chums in the gymnasium where shereceived six strokes of the cane. Clearly Miss Bowleswas not greatly inspired by the experience. Out of thesix years she was eligible Jane was caned four times.It was a record of which she was immensely proud.After leaving school she would periodicallyreunite with her old gang. They would sometimesspend a whole day in their traditional uniforms. Theyestablished an elaborate points system and revertedto their wayward days of competitive misbehavior. Atthe end of the evening the worst behaved of thefriends would be subjected to six of the best. JaneBowles was always deeply miffed if she failed to takethe honors.She had followed the tribunal avidly and hadbeen amongst the first subscribers to Spanky’s newweb-site. Jane Bowles had been thrilled when she hadbeen selected to attend the Grand Opening and hadinvested serious quids in the most exclusive range ofclobber available from the Bernadette SummersEnterprises on-line collection.

Café WoodysShe had been equally thrilled when her namewas drawn from the tombola and was ecstatic tolearn that it was Cathryn Cassidy that would beat her.Cat was one of her favorite Woody characters. Duringher brief interview with Christy she had assured theMistress of Discipline that she was ready and willingfor a hot one. Cat had obliged her by delivering ascorching five-bar gate. Jane Bowles had returned tothe bar-area delighted with the after-effects.Once they had visited the punishment salonsmost of the Stripies elected to replace their neckwear,satisfied that their backsides had been adequatelywarmed for one evening. Jane Bowles decided totempt fate and continue to wear her striped tie.With her hands on her head and her nosepressed to the wall Miss Bowles was debating thewisdom of her decision. She heard the sound of feetapproaching in the stairwell. She took a deep breathand tried to gather herself.

24Hardly a Wriggle or a Squirm“You chose to continue to wear your striped-tieso I considered you were still fair game,” said Christygently, “but if you want a postponement we’ll fullyunderstand.”Jane Bowles chewed on her lower lip. Sheshook her head. “No thanks, Ma’am, I’m up foranother six,” she said.“Positive?” asked Christy.Jane nodded her head firmly. “Positive,” shesaid quietly. “Please ask Miss White to lay it on asthick as she likes. I’ve never had a double bender andI want to know what it feels like.”Melanie White strode confidently into thesalon. The diminutive Old Gal was dressed in full Eliteregalia and carried an ashplant tucked under her leftarm. Christy had Jane standing to attention, shouldersback, knees together, eyes front and her arms stifflyby her sides.Wordlessly Melons approached Jane; sheplaced the short cane on a side table with a rattle.

Café WoodysUnhurriedly Melanie proceeded to undo the fivebuttons down the front of her red prefect’s blazer andshrugged it off. She took her time to neatly fold it andplace it to one side. She reached up, loosened her tieand unfastened the top button of her blouse. Shecarefully turned back her cuffs to just below herelbows, before finally retrieving the cane. She flexedit between her hands and then cut it through the airseveral times to demonstrate its whippiness for theedification of Miss Bowles.Jane Bowles felt a shiver up her spine andgoose bumps breaking out on her bare legs. Eversince she had been unexpectedly shown the red-cardand forced to scurry somewhat ignominiously out ofthe bar her sense of apprehension and anxiety hadbeen increasing.Melanie’s slow and silent divestment of herblazer and the loosening of the collar and cuffs of herblouse had sent a subliminally powerful message toJane that she meant business.“I’m going to need you to remove your blazer,step over to the fireplace, turnaround and bend overand touch your toes,” said Melons unemotionally.Jane Bowles felt Melanie turning back the hemof her gymslip, followed by the tail of her whiteblouse. Bent forward with her fingers balanced on hertoes the stripes from her earlier caning strainedsensitively across the curve of her behind, causing herto wince. She gritted her teeth as she felt the canetap down.

95Jane Bowles had studied every word of wisdompublished on the www.woodettes.com web-site. Shehad digested Deborah Morton’s seminal dissertationon ‘The Art of Being Beaten’ and read Jojo’s sageadvise to ‘get yourself a mantra and then get with theprogram’.“It’s only whops, it’s only whops,” shemuttered as the slender cane sliced across her rearend.Although the smaller slimmer sticks used bythe Elite did not have the weight and heft of thecanes available to the Brass they were not to beunderestimated. In expert hands they could generatean extremely high degree of sting and smart.During the two periods Melanie White hadserved as Dorm Raider at the Woody facility she hadearned a reputation for performing stellar work withthe whippy ashplant.Jane Bowles caught her breath and puffed outher cheeks. She concentrated on keeping her fingersglued to the tips of her shoes. The shaft of the canehad landed right in the center of the sweet spot,intermingling with the swollen stripes left from hercaning from Cat. Jane Bowles swallowed hard. Thiswas going to be her first venture into an extendedbender and she quickly concluded that it was going tobe a trip to remember.Melanie gauged Jane’s reaction with experteyes. She had timed the opener at the hotter end ofthe scale and depending on Jane’s response she

Café Woodyswould judge how to best continue. Despite Jane’sdemands for the Old Gal to lay it on thick Melons hadno intention of giving her a thrashing outside of hertolerance limits.Miss Bowles barely flinched. Melons andChristy exchanged approving glances. Melanie Whitestepped in and unleashed a scorcher.Jane Bowles beamed proudly as Melons andChristy hugged her and showered her with effusivecompliments. The flesh of her buttocks was sizzlingbut she didn’t care, in fact she rather liked thesensation. Somehow she had managed to maintainher position during the most challenging caning of herlife.“Let me buy you a drink,” enthused Melanie. “Iwant to toast a new star on the Whops and Clobbercircuit.”“Bottoms up to that, sis,” agreed Christy.“Hardly a wriggle or a squirm during a Melons caning,now that’s what I call impressive.”

25A Spontaneous SpankingChristy Cranfield strode purposefully throughthe bar area. With her long embroidered coatsweeping her ankles, her elegant gait and waistlength braid the Mistress of Discipline cut animpressive and self-assured figure.Throughout the evening Christy had vigilantlymonitored the activities in the upstairs punishmentsalons. The Stripies represented a broad spectrum ofthe international Whops and Clobber community.Some of the guests, like Amanda Parker, wereexperienced spankettes while others were completenovices and were embarking on a voyage ofdiscovery.Spanky and her gang had performedconsiderable research amongst the members on theweb-site prior to the opening in an effort to ensurethat the guest’s predilections were adequately cateredfor.As each new Stripy was invited into a salonChristy quickly assessed the guest’s profile toestablish their degree of experience. She briefed their

Café Woodysdesignated ‘Thrasher’ on their particular predilectionsand expected level of tolerance before each beatingbegan.Christy glided through the bar until she cameto a tall bistro table occupied by three women. Theybeamed at her as she approached, flattered to besingled out for the Mistress of Discipline’s attention.Without any warning Christy reached over to one ofthe trio, took her firmly by the arm and eased her outof her seat.The woman looked completely taken aback butChristy was already striding through the partingcrowd. The confused guest had no choice but to tryto keep up as she was hustled along.Christy reached a leather couch. She terselyevicted the occupants, and in one fluid movement shesat down and turned the breathless Woodette overher knee. The whole operation had taken less thanthirty seconds and the next thing the Woodette knewthe skirt of her gymslip was being turned back andher bottom was being smacked.Christy’s stunned victim was a young lady bythe name of Charlotte Barber. She was a regularvisitor to the web-site and on her profile she cited herinterest in spanking dating back to an incident fromher schooldays. Apparently Charlie, as she liked to becalled, had been misbehaving in the lunch queue andhad been shocked to be suddenly pounced upon by ateacher, put over her knee and spanked in the middleof the cafeteria. She describes the experience as both

99extremely humiliating and extraordinarily thrilling atthe same time.Charlie Barber’s legs kicked spastically. Christywas spanking her briskly and moving from onebuttock to the other without any rhythm.Earlier in the evening Charlie had beenselected to repair to an upstairs salon where she hadbeen caned by Stephanie Powell. It had not proven tobe a disagreeable experience but she had assumedthat her bottom warming activities were over for theevening. She was totally unprepared for aspontaneous spanking.“Holy shit!” she squealed as Christy landedseveral resounding spanks on her right buttock.The guests watched in wide-eyedastonishment. The earlier proceedings had asomewhat formal and predictable feel to them. Theidea of suddenly being unexpectedly jerked out oftheir seats, hustled across the floor of the bar andthen unceremoniously dragged face down for a damngood spanking brought a whole new perspective onthe evening’s activities.Charlie Barber looked genuinely shocked whenshe was released. In a very short time ChristyCranfield had landed thirty-six burning spanks acrossCharlie’s squirming behind. She stared at Christy withher mouth open; she looked like she might wish tovoice an opinion but her tongue appeared to havecome off its hinges. She wagged her jaw wordlessly.

Café Woodys“Go and stand in the corner,” said Christyauthoritatively. “I’ll inform you when you can returnto the bar.”“Yes, Ma’am,” Charlie somehow managed toblurt out and hurried away looking stunned.

26Another Perfect Kodak Moment“I suppose it’s just coincidence that Penny Annjust happens to have her riding clobber hanging up inthe changing rooms?” asked Deborah suspiciously.She looked across the room to where the dresser washanging up a gymslip with a ‘D’ embroidered on thefront. “And what the fuck is my gymslip doing here?’she demanded. “When exactly did you get this phonecallfrom Clobber Monthly?”“Well, several days ago, actually,” admitted theBounder, “but I know that you’ve been busy with yourtraining schedule. I didn’t want to burden you withunnecessary details so I took the liberty of packingsome clobber for you.”Deborah snorted. “Unnecessary details? Youare auctioning my bumbags on the open market andyou don’t think that I might have a vested interest inthese negotiations” asked Debs incredulously. “Youjust went into my closet and liberated my clobber?Does Derby know about this?”“Derby was otherwise occupied,” shrugged theBounder. “This is all good publicity,” she said blithely.

Café Woodys“There are many tennis stars that would have to paythousands for this type of public relations exposure.”Deborah shook her head in disbelief.Penny Ann Evans looked splendid in hertailored blue riding jacket, form fitting jodhpurs andknee length riding boots. Deborah watched warily asthe photographer took several preliminary shots ofPen slapping the crop against her leather glovedhand.“Are you ready?” Penny Ann asked gently.Deborah grunted unenthusiastically. Shecouldn’t believe that she had allowed the Bounder tobribe and cajole her into participating in anotherphoto-shoot but she offered Penny her wrist andallowed herself to be lowered downwards.Deborah was dressed in classic clobber. Shewore a white blouse and striped tie. Her box-topgymslip with the ‘D’ embroidered on the front had ared sash looped around the waist and knotted overher left hip. She wore her hair pulled back under ahead band that matched the red braiding around thecollar of her blouse. Her flat-soled shoes shone to ahigh gleam and she wore white ankle socks. WhenPenny Ann turned back the skirt of her gymslip Debsnavy blue gossamer bumbags were stretched acrossher upturned derriere like a second skin.Deborah stretched herself out into a full drape.The camerawoman busied herself taking shots fromall angles. Debs raised her head and glared into thecamera.

103“Six and no more,” Debs told the photographeremphatically. “After six, I’m done, no more setups, nomore lighting checks, after six I’m up and out ofhere!”“Jeeeeeezzzz!” hissed Debs.If the camerawoman was hoping to capture anexpression of anguish on Deborah’s face the first slapof the crop had delivered the perfect shot. At themoment of impact Debs had thrown her head back,her face screwed up in pure agony, her back arched,fists clenched and her legs kicking spastically.“Perfect, perfect,” the camerawoman enthusedas she snapped away.It occurred to Deborah that the combination ofpockets filled with lovely lucre and an over-abundanceof bubbly had seriously impaired her judgment.“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” growled Debs Morton asshe slumped back into position. “I’ll kill you Bounder,”she muttered under her breath. “I’ll string you up byyour fucking bumbags and leave you to die a longslow death.”“Poor Debs,” groaned Rosemary Booker.Jojo put her arm around Rosemary’s shouldercomfortingly. “She’ll be okay, sis,” she reassuredDeborah’s best chum. “You know Debs, she’ll tough itout.”Nixdown giggled and licked her lipslasciviously. “Poor Debs, my arse,” she chuckled.“Lucky Debs would be more like it.”

Café WoodysRosemary and Jojo exchanged incredulousglances. “Sometimes Nix I think you’re fuckingbarking,” said Jojo.“Woof-Woof,” chortled Nix as the riding cropexploded off Deborah’s backside with a secondspectacular thwack.Debs Morton was not feeling in the least bitlucky. The crop was enlivening every nerve endingthroughout her central nervous system. She was nolonger distracted by the flashes of the camera or theinstructions from the photographer and art director.She was totally immersed in the zone, her whole mindwas now concentrated on her poor beleaguered bum.Her backside had become the burning epicenter ofher whole existence. Deborah braced herself as sheheard the ominous whine of the braided crop slicingthrough the air.As the crop slashed across her tautenedbumbags Debs head jerked back, her eyes squeezedshut and her mouth opened into an anguished silenthowl. The camerawoman snapped the shutter inanother perfect Kodak moment.

27Cha-Ching“Just one more,” Penny Ann whispered. “Justput it up and keep it up once more and it’ll all beover.”Miserably Debs allowed herself to bemaneuvered back into a full drape. She took a deepbreath and tried to settle herself. Her backside felt asthough she had been sitting on a griddle for the pastfew hours.“Are you ready?” asked Penelope Ann Evans.Deborah Morton grunted and pushed herbackside up as high as she dared. Penny Ann raisedher arm and then brought it down swiping.“Cha-ching,” squealed the Bounder andpunched the air with her fist as the crop exploded offDeborah’s poor beleaguered bum for the sixth time.Although Bernadette had been forced to makefurther reductions in her commission to persuadeDeborah to go through with the unscheduled photoshootshe was still making enough wedge to choke adonkey.

Café WoodysThe Bounder rubbed her bumbags with glee.Debs rubbed her bumbags in consternation.“I’ll fucking kill you Bounder,” Deborah growledas she hopped around the changing room desperatelytrying to dissipate the blazing heat in her rear end.“As God is my witness I’m going to kill you.”“Now, now,” said Bernadette smoothly. “Youknow you’ll cool down in a little bit and when you seeyour bank-statements you’ll be thanking me.”Debs glared threateningly at the Bounder.Bernadette grinned coyly. “I’ll be downstairs ifyou need me,” she said and prudently reversed out ofthe door.“This is a bit of a mess,” observed Rosemaryas she massaged soothing balm into Deborah’s rawand swollen behind.“Well spotted, Sherlock,” Debs groaned. “Thatwas a real killer. I feel like I won’t be able to sit downfor a week. I hate that fucking crop!”“Would more champagne help, Miss Morton?”asked Lady Derby sympathetically.“Are you kidding me? Bring me the wholefucking bottle and make it sharpish,” pleaded Debs.Downstairs the atmosphere in the bar wasfilled with joie de vivre. The inmates from the nation’smost notorious social rehabilitation facility mingledwith the Woodettes, swapping yarns and having theirpictures taken.The Woodettes who had only previouslycommunicated late into the night in the chat rooms of

107the web-site were delighted to make the real-lifeacquaintance of their cyber-chums.The gab was all about Whops and Clobber.Several dozen Stripies had paid visits to the salonsand were wallowing in their new found celebrity.Several of the guests who had originallyarrived in block-colored ties had now procured stripedreplacements from the Bounder’s boutique and werejonesing for some action.Miss Spanky Botts surveyed her new domaincontentedly. The sound of canes, straps and slippersrebounding off gossamer continued to emanate frombehind the closed doors of the upstairs punishmentsalons. Seeing the wide-eyed excitement on the facesof her guests filled her with confidence that her Willywould be delighted with her latest dispersment of hisbequeathment.Spanky Botts looked heavenwards and winkedup at her beloved departed.All night long Jojo had been inundated withrequests for autographs and photographs. Bernadettewas tearing her hair out because Jojo refused to allowher to charge the guests.“I just don’t understand you,” Bernadettecomplained. “We have the opportunity to make someserious wedge and you’re just squandering it.”Jojo just patted Bernadette’s hand and smiledfor the cameras.Jojo leaned her head on Mr Humphriesshoulder.

Café Woodys“She’s some gal, our Spanky,” she laughed.“She might be totally nuts but it took someorganization to put this place together.”“Top notch,” agreed Mr Humphries. “She’sdonating the proceeds from the cafe to a bunch oforphanages. She asked me whether the Woody galswould donate some time to help her set up thecharities.”Jojo nuzzled Mr Humphries neck. “You knowwe’ll help her,” she whispered. “I’m sure if she asksnicely even the Bounder will pitch in.”The Grand Master laughed. “Now that would atrue demonstration of social rehabilitation.”Jojo grinned.

28The Royal CoupleThe Grand Master chinked the lip of his glassagainst Jojo’s. “Are we ready?” he asked his beloved.Jojo giggled. “You don’t really want to cane mein front of all these people, do you darling?” she saidcoyly.Mr Humphries grinned. “Sometimes dutyprevails, Your Highness,” he told his fiancé.Jojo squished up her nose. “Sometimes dutysucks,” she said pointedly.The Grand Master just chuckled and emptiedhis glass.Amidst rapturous applause Jojo and the GrandMaster mounted the steps to the stage. Spanky Bottswas waiting to greet them.“Ladies,” she addressed the audience. “Thishas been a long and exciting evening which sadlymust shortly draw to a close. However, before wedepart, it is my honor and privilege to introduce youto two of my dearest friends, Miss Joanna Heyworth,the reigning All-Time Big BUTT, and the Grand

Café WoodysMaster, Mr Humphries. Ladies, please put your handstogether for the Royal Couple.”“Oh good grief,” muttered Jojo as she steppedforward and curtsied politely.Jojo approached the straight backed chair thathad been placed in the center of the stage andilluminated with a single spotlight. She unfastened thebuttons down the front of her red blazer and removedit. She hung it neatly over the back of the chair.Bending forward at the waist, she reached down andgripped the front crossbar of the chair. She stareddown at the cushioned seat and waited to be caned.Mr Humphries removed his jacket and handedit to Spanky. She offered him a thirty-six inch longsuper-cane in exchange. Spanky had personallycommissioned the cane from a specialist craftsmanlocated in New Hampshire. It had a straight run shaftthat fitted into a Delrin handle covered in red andblack striped leather. The handle was decorated witha silver end piece engraved with a ‘W’. The GrandMaster swished it through the air to familiarize himselfwith its weight and balance. He nodded at Spanky. Itwas certainly a cane fit for royalty.Jojo felt the cane tapping down on herbumbags and braced herself. She had spent the pastfew minutes getting herself into the zone. She did notfeel the least bit self-conscious having her bumbagsexposed to the gawking Woodettes. One of thenumerous records she had established during herincarceration at the Woody Back to School facility was

111for being publicly flogged on more occasions than anyother inmate in the unit’s history. She focused on asmall square of the stage floor and repeated theclassic Woody mantra over and over in her head.Mr Humphries swung the cane through the air.He was immediately impressed, the new cane was sofinely crafted that he barely needed a backswing toachieve the perfect amount of sting and smartappropriate for an exhibition caning.Jojo was not in the least bit impressed by thefine craftsmanship of the cane-maker. Over the yearsJoanna’s rear end had developed into a finelycalibrated whopometer. The instant that the newcane sliced across the crown of her buttocks sheofficially classified the instrument as a lethal weapon.In Jojo’s opinion punters who took the time to qualifyin carpentry should pursue more traditional careerssuch as furniture-making or better still making theirown coffins.There was a hush around the bar. TheWoodettes watched in spellbound awe. The evening’sentertainment had already far surpassed theirexpectations but never in their wildest dreams hadthey imagined that they would have the privilege ofwitnessing the legendary Jojo being caned by herfiancé, up close and personal.Jojo had been given little choice other than toparticipate in the gala entertainment. Spanky hadapproached her and told her that the guests werewilling to chuck in an additional hundred squids a

Café Woodysskull to the Spanky Botts Foundation if she wouldgrace the stage for an exhibition caning. Jojo thoughtthat it would probably be churlish to refuse.Somewhat unenthusiastically Jojo had agreedto subject herself to a full twelve strokes of the cane.She kept her head down and her arse well up,presenting Mr Humphries with the perfect target. TheGrand Master was delivering the strokes at a leisurelypace so Jojo used the short intermissions to hatch anelaborate plan for accelerating the demise of thecane-maker from New Hampshire.

29Whops and Clobber are AddictiveJojo snuggled her head against Mr Humphrieschest. “Gosh, listen to that,” she giggled. “They’re stillat it.”Mr Humphries chuckled. “Whops and clobberare very addictive,” he said as the unmistakablesound of a cane rebounding off bare flesh resoundedalong the hotel corridor.It had been two o’clock in the morning beforethe doors closed on the opening night of CaféWoodys. Two air-conditioned coaches hadtransported the gals across town to the boutiquehotel Mr Humphries had rented for the night. StacksMonroe had sent a fleet of SUV’s filled with hardbodiedmen to discourage any die-hard paparazzifrom attempting to follow.“You should go and get some sleep,” Debs toldLady Huntington. “I really want to thank you forlooking after me tonight. You are truly amazing.”

Café WoodysDerby smiled. “You don’t need to thank meMiss Morton, but if you’d like to show yourappreciation you could come next door and spank mebefore I turn in.”Deborah rolled her eyes.“And by the way,” giggled Derby. “I ratherthink that Miss Cranfield is hoping that you’ll give hersix on the silks to help her sleep.”“Oh good fucking grief,” groaned Debshopelessly.Nicola Jane Nixon squealed blissfully as theriding crop sliced across her upturned buttocks. Shewas spread out across Penny Ann’s lap, with her skirtturned back and her bumbags concertinaed aroundher ankles. She wriggled in anticipation as the cropcut through the air.“I hope you returned that cane to Spanky,”said Jojo.“The Spanky Botts Special?” laughed MrHumphries, “hell no, that was a gift. I think it willcomplement my collection quite nicely.”“I was worried you were going to say that,”groaned Jojo.Debs was drinking a half bottle of VeuveClicquot Ponsardin by the neck.“I don’t know whether I should do this,” shesaid apprehensively.“Oh get on with it,” drawled Christy. “Youknow me, I like to live dangerously.”

115Deborah sighed and tapped the cane down totake her measure.“Thank you Miss Morton,” said Derby as Debshelped her to her feet. “Shall I come next door andhelp you prepare for bed?”Debs shook her head. “No, you hop under thecovers,” she told her loyal grubby. “It’s my turn totuck you in.”Bleary-eyed and chronically hungover theWoody gals slowly trickled into the hotel dining roomto forage at a buffet brunch that Cassie Cassy hadsupervised. The mimosa and Bloody Mary stand wasproving particularly popular.Mr Humphries had declared Sunday a longsnooze and loose tie day to allow the inmates torecover from the late night revelries. Despite theirfragile conditions the inmates were exhilarated withthe spectacular success of the previous evening’s galaopening. They milled about trading yarns and candiddigital photographs.Joanna Heyworth and Mr Humphries sat up inbed drinking coffee.“That was one strange night,” laughed Jojo.“Just imagine if the press gets hold of it. Think of theheadlines, ‘The Woodettes come out of thewoodwork’.”Mr Humphries smiled. “Well, even thoughStacks’s guys did a great job keeping the paparazziout of your faces you know this’ll be all over thepapers.”

Café WoodysJust after midday Michelle Morgan knocked onthe door of Jojo and the Grand Master’s room.“Excuse me Jojo,” she said earnestly. “Ms Scottsaid that the Grand Master would want to see theseas soon as possible.” She handed Joanna severalnewspapers. “They’re the mid-morning editions.Woodys is back in the news.”Joanna thanked her and took the pile ofnewspapers back into the bedroom.

30A Night Out for Degenerates“Look at this,” Jojo laughed. “A Night Out forDegenerates,” By Gossip E. This should be good.” Shelaid the paper out on the bed so they could both read.A Night Out for DegeneratesGossip EIn yet another exhibition of their brazen disregardfor authority the inmates of the notorious Woody Back toSchool unit arrived en masse for the opening of CaféWoodys.The new nighterie, located in the fashionablewarehouse district of the Smoke, is the latest outrageousventure launched by the www.woodettes.com entrepreneurMiss Spanky Botts.The Cafe was heavily guarded by shaven-headedhoodlums rumored to be on the payroll of the allegedgangster Stacks Monroe. The hard-bodied goons escortedclobber-clad Woodettes onto the red carpet as they arrivedin a fleet of stretch limousines. Miss Botts was on hand togreet her guests at the door.

Café WoodysMiss Botts is a controversial figure. She first cameto public attention as the muse of artist and photographerWilliam Graham. Graham, now deceased, spent the latterperiod of his career painting and photographing Botts in avariety of sado-masochistic poses. They shared a palazzo inVenice where Botts gained local celebrity for regularlybending over a balcony overlooking the Grand Canal whileshe was thrashed by her lover. While the liberatedindigenous population considered this nothing more thanperformance art tourists were often shocked and offendedby these public displays.Following the premature death of Graham, Bottsretired to Mayfair and dropped off the radar for a period.She re-emerged to public life arriving at the Snobs andRotters tribunal sporting attire that would shortly becomeknown internationally as ‘Clobber’.During the tribunal Miss Botts launched the pro-Rotter’s web-site where she has paid homage to thenation’s most degenerate Ladettes and made them soundlike cultural icons. She is largely responsible for theridiculous Whops and Clobber zeitgeist.Botts latest venture attracted a healthy turnout butaccess to the club was strictly by invitation only andMonroe’s goons hovered threateningly to prevent any gatecrashing.It was two o’clock in the morning before the partybroke up. As they left the party and were chaperoned towaiting vehicles, the revelers were tight-lipped and refusedto comment on the exact nature of the evening’sproceedings. However, with the assistance of an influentialWoodette, this paper has gained access to the member’sarea of the website where Miss Botts posted invitationspromising a night of Spanking Good Fun.The cost of entrance to this debauched gala was athousand quid a skull. Clearly Miss Botts intends to profit

119royally from her role as high-priestess of this disturbingcult.The followers of the cult are fanatical andthroughout the night there was copious traffic on the websitethat features chat-rooms and message boards.According to these late night postings the infamousdegenerate Debbie ‘Fart-pants’ Morton was up to her usualtricks. In recent months this column has reported on herpublicly cavorting with a Spanish flamenco guitarist, andshe has allowed herself to be featured being spanked with ahairbrush by Lady Victoria Brompton in Clobber Monthly.According to the informed observers Miss Morton hasagain auctioned her bumbags to the highest bidders andwill be featured in several magazines getting her bottomwarmed. So much for Miss Fart-pants social rehabilitation.Morton was not alone in getting her bottom warmedat the party. According to the late-night internet trafficnumerous Woodettes, including Botts herself, volunteeredto join in the Spanking Good Fun.Nobody denies that a night of hanky spanky mightbe good fun, but hasn’t the popularity of the Whops andClobber culture diverted our attention from the originalintent of the Back to School units?The Woody Back to School unit was established tosocially rehabilitate the nation’s most Extreme Ladettes.These young women’s behavior was considered so sociallyunacceptable that they have been sentenced to seven-yearprograms of intense social rehabilitation. Was last night’sparty really a demonstration of the success of the socialrehabilitation program that Mr Humphries boasted of at theSnobs and Rotters tribunal? How were eighty-fourconvicted felons granted leave of absence to attend whatcan only be described as a bacchanalian debauch? Does thisnot support the Right Honorable Melissa Forsham-Smythe’s contention that the Woody Back to School unit is

Café Woodysa flawed and failed program that should be closed downand the inmates placed in high-security institutions? Doesthis not give credence to the argument that the decision ofthe panel at the Snobs and Rotters tribunal made a terriblemistake and delivered one of the great miscarriages ofjustice of the century?What is going on at the Woody Back to Schoolunit? Gossip E demands to know and he demands to knownow.Over and Out!“Oh good grief,” groaned Jojo, “Debs is goingto have a fucking cow.”

31Debs Asks a FavorDebs head was pounding. She was propped upin bed sipping black coffee. Due to her strict trainingregime Deborah was not a big drinker and thecopious amounts of champagne she had consumedwere having disagreeable after-effects.“Should I bring you a mimosa, Miss Morton?”asked Lady Derby. “It might help.”Debs groaned and shook her head.There was a knock on the door and KateFaulkner came in. She went over and sat on the edgeof the bed. She handed Debs a newspaper, it wasfolded open at Gossip E’s column.“I’m sorry Debs, but you’re going to see thissooner or later,” she said in a gentle tone.Deborah scanned the article, sipping hercoffee.“Debbie Fart-pants?” she squealed indignantly,nearly choking herself. “I’ll fucking kill him!” She sunkback on her pillows and looked close to tears.“I think I’d better fetch you that drink, MissMorton,” said Lady Derby hurriedly.

Café WoodysStacks Monroe and Mr Humphries sat in thehotel bar.“Alleged fucking gangster?” snarled Stacks. “I’llshow that little bastard what I think of his allegations.Mickey the Purveyor is picking him up and bringinghim to the club. I’m going to have a little whisper inhis shell-like. Care to join me?”Mr Humphries nodded. “This is oneconversation I wouldn’t want to miss, but rememberits going to be difficult to get a retraction. His columnis only published in the Forsham-Smythe press.”Stacks Monroe snorted. “There are plenty ofother hacks in the Smoke who enjoy my hospitality.It’s time we nailed Melissa Forsham-Smythe’s tits tothe mast.”“Bottoms up to that,” grinned the GrandMaster.“I’m so sorry Grand Master,” said Spanky Bottsplaintively. “I don’t know how security on the websitewas breached. I have my best techies working onit but I’m going to need Nicola Jane’s help. If hebreached www.woodettes.com then Gossip E will alsohave access to the GalGab site.”“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” said MrHumphries reassuringly, “it was inevitable thatMalicious would try to make trouble. Nicola Jane andher team are at your disposal.”“I’ll get on it as soon as we’re back at thefacility,” nodded Nixdown.“Stacks is going to send a convoy to escort thecoaches back to the facility,” the Grand Master told

123Ellen Millar and Suzy Scott, “they’ll keep the paparazziat bay.”“Don’t worry sir, we’ll get everyone homesafely,” said Ellen, “although I really wish I couldcome to the club and listen to the chat with thatscumbag Gossip E.”“When you’re back at the facility you candeclare a loose tie and minimum whops amnesty forthe rest of the day,” the Grand Master told Deborah.“Yes, sir,” confirmed Debs. “And sir, I heardthat you’re going to visit Gossip E? Would you do mea favor?”“What’s that?” asked Mr Humphries.“Would you kick him in the balls for me?” saidDeborah, “really hard!”