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nius." "I like to think so." "So Steve Borwick is screwing his secretary." I met Steve my sophomore year at college. We both sat in the back of the room during Russian class. When I asked Steve why the hell he was taking Russian, he gave the same answer I was giving. I want to join the KGB. The real reason we were taking Russian was the instructor. Professor Pavalova was a Russian beauty and an easy grader. Neither Steve nor I were linguists so we wanted to get through our language requirement as painlessly as possible. He was studying Political Science with a long-range eye on law school. I was taking acting classes with no goals in sight except a vague idea I'd get picked up in Hollywood. I was getting laid constantly in college so I figured I had the it in making it. Steve, it turned out, was even more promiscuous than I was. He had a reputation for out-drinking and out-smoking the competition and he was supposed to be hung like a horse. I'd never seen him naked and his hands didn't look too big to me, but reputations usually had merit and when we started drinking and smoking together, he more than held his own so I figured the rest was true. "Did you ever screw one of your bosses?" I ask Jenny. "I always keep a distance with my bosses. If they think they have a shot with me, they stay interested and pay me well." "That they do." "It's all part of the corporate game." "I screwed a lot of my leading ladies," I say. "Wow." "I'm just trying to find a parallel." "You should have screwed some casting agents instead." "I should have." "That's where the power is. Then you could have been a star." "I am a star," I say. Jenny rolls her eyes, chooses a third shrimp, bites off the meat, lines up the empty tail next to the other two. "You could be rich if you married one of your bosses," I say. "You'd never have to work again." "I've never liked any of my bosses. Why would I want to marry them?" "So I could predict you'd get divorced." I recognize the guy coming towards us. His name is Ryan and I've met him a couple of times. He used to be a lawyer in Steve's firm before he set up his own practice. He specializes in handling sexual harassment cases, which is ironic because the few times we've been out, he's always the most Adam Berlin
lecherous prick in the bar. "How's it going, big guy?" "Good to see you, Ryan," I say and introduce him to Jenny. His horny eyes scan Jenny's breasts. Jenny has a great pair of tits, which are pretty much wasted on me since I've never been a breast man. I have a theory about men who love breasts. I believe they're all sexually stunted, looking for mother figures to nurse their little needs. Ryan starts asking Jenny the standard what-do-you-do questions, his eyes roaming up and down, up and down. They start talking hot investments, economic forecasts, interest rates, and, as I always do when talk turns to business, I tune out. I look at the two women floating in the pool. I look at the people crowding the raw bar. I look at Steve's house, a large four-bedroom with a pool and a hot tub and expensive landscaping. I look at Steve, standing shirtless in his bathing suit, a few extra pounds around his gut, his hair thinning, his eyes tired from sixty-hour weeks. "So what about you, big guy?" Ryan says. "What's new with you?" I have a theory about men who call other men big guy. They're the same kind of men that love breasts too much. "Nothing new," I say. "So Steve's turning the big Four O. I hit that milestone last month. Forty fucking years old. We're not getting any younger, are we, big guy?" "Speak for yourself." "I'm speaking for all us old men," Ryan says and laughs. "So how's the acting going?" "Slow. I just did a showcase, which may get picked up by The Public Theatre." "Sounds good." "And he did a reading with Pacino," Jenny chimes in. "Al Pacino?" Ryan says. "Al "Godfather" Pacino? Al "Scarface" Pacino? That Al Pacino?" "That's right," I say. "That one." "Cool," Ryan says and suddenly I've got something he's more interested in than Jenny's tits. I've got a theory about men who are fascinated by celebrities. I've done extra work on close to one hundred films. I've seen just about every living actor who's made it. On the set, I've stood in the background of Russel Crowe, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, George Clooney, Sean Connery, Julia Roberts, Sharon Stone, Susan Sarandon. I literally bumped into Mel Gibson in one movie and sat at the same table as Dustin Hoffman in another. I rode a subway with Robert DeNiro and served a mini-quiche to Meryl Streep. I'm not impressed by stars. They're just people, not nearly as good looking in 68 The Smell of Mortality
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Coe Review Volume 38 Number 2 Sprin
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Coe Review COMMUNICATIONS EDITOR Ka
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Roman Norma of the Manor Ben Brooks
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might know things. In fact the more
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"So how was your day?" he asked. "M
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head upstairs, and eat at his desk
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and looked over the page she was re
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then get up. If you want to go away
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the drawings phase, and his next pr
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fingers brushed a red plastic bow t
Page 22 and 23: Old Wars Dennis Vannatta My wife us
Page 24 and 25: all over it until I'm exhausted but
Page 26 and 27: could be a freshly dug grave, but I
Page 28 and 29: "The German babe." "Oh, that Marie.
Page 30 and 31: I'm going to make you pay rent on t
Page 32 and 33: always the same sound. That sound w
Page 34 and 35: quantity, the quality. I would alwa
Page 36 and 37: point, will you, lady? this article
Page 38 and 39: it: Nothing. You laugh, though ther
Page 40 and 41: Slaughtered Cows Julia Rubin You ar
Page 42 and 43: Your heart starts to pound. "I'm a
Page 44 and 45: You wake in darkness, curled up on
Page 46 and 47: Kyle Mangan 41
Page 52 and 53: Henry Fragmentary Ben Martin Henry
Page 54 and 55: on weekends, that I had a handle on
Page 56 and 57: As a matter of fact, I had gathered
Page 58 and 59: irthday who played Henry's game as
Page 60 and 61: swer it. I was attracted to her. Sh
Page 62 and 63: lunged, lips first, for her mouth a
Page 64 and 65: "It's nice to see you." I break the
Page 66 and 67: lanket across her torso to keep her
Page 68 and 69: my whiskey. Suddenly I feel loose a
Page 70 and 71: cheek. I squeeze her. "It's all rig
Page 74 and 75: person, and while I'm still in thei
Page 76 and 77: shampoo commercial. "He graduated f
Page 78 and 79: them my ID. I haven't played that g
Page 80 and 81: "Nice meeting you," she says and le
Page 82 and 83: get you laid?" "Well I go to these
Page 84 and 85: was some sort of foul religious slu
Page 86 and 87: While waiting for it to bake, Darla
Page 88 and 89: I'll be right to bed. Well? Well? C
Page 90 and 91: screaming children again, Darla tri
Page 92 and 93: A box of fish sticks, a bag of pota
Page 94 and 95: Who is this? It's after midnight! F
Page 96 and 97: telling her hush now, it will be ok
Page 98 and 99: cannot, for the life of me, account
Page 100 and 101: I know she goes to Northern Illinoi
Page 102 and 103: manage to pry it loose then this be
Page 104 and 105: None of the lines are all that deep
Page 106 and 107: Gut Bay Elizabeth Eslami There is a
Page 108 and 109: on to and feel you were holding on
Page 110 and 111: did Dr. Renard. We didn't tell them
Page 112 and 113: into the ice, the wind ripping at t
Page 114 and 115: It was another year before Lloyd ha
Page 116 and 117: again somehow, and wondered if thei
Page 118 and 119: Contributor's Notes Alonso Avila is
Page 120 and 121: the Department's Lon Tinkle Prize f
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