''Abe'' Lincoln's Yarns and Stories - University of Macau Library

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Yarns and Stories, by Alexander K. McClure 208The President was entirely unmoved, but, after a moment's pause, put aquestion which all but drove his visitor insane."Now, Senator, suppose that when this hanging arrangement has beenagreed upon, you accept the post of Chief Executioner. If you will take theoffice, I will make you a brigadier general and Public Hangman for theUnited States. That would just about suit you, wouldn't it?""I am a gentleman, sir," returned the Senator, "and I certainly thought youknew me better than to believe me capable of doing such dirty work. Youare jesting, Mr. President."The President was extremely patient, exhibiting no signs of ire, and to thisbit of temper on the part of the Senator responded:"You speak of being a gentleman; yet you forget that in this free country allmen are equal, the vagrant and the gentleman standing on the same groundwhen it comes to rights and duties, particularly in time of war. Therefore,being a gentleman, as you claim, and a law-abiding citizen, I trust, you arenot exempt from doing even the dirty work at which your high spiritrevolts."This was too much for the Senator, who quitted the room abruptly, andnever again showed his face in the White House while Lincoln occupied it."He won't bother me again," was the President's remark as he departed.FEW, BUT BOISTEROUS.Lincoln was a very quiet man, and went about his business in a quiet way,making the least noise possible. He heartily disliked those boisterouspeople who were constantly deluging him with advice, and shouting at thetops of their voices whenever they appeared at the White House. "Thesenoisy people create a great clamor," said he one day, in conversation withsome personal friends, "and remind me, by the way, of a good story I heardout in Illinois while I was practicing, or trying to practice, some law there. I
Yarns and Stories, by Alexander K. McClure 209will say, though, that I practiced more law than I ever got paid for."A fellow who lived just out of town, on the bank of a large marsh,conceived a big idea in the money-making line. He took it to a prominentmerchant, and began to develop his plans and specifications. 'There are atleast ten million frogs in that marsh near me, an' I'll just arrest a couple ofcarloads of them and hand them over to you. You can send them to the bigcities and make lots of money for both of us. Frogs' legs are great delicaciesin the big towns, an' not very plentiful. It won't take me more'n two or threedays to pick 'em. They make so much noise my family can't sleep, and bythis deal I'll get rid of a nuisance and gather in some cash.'"The merchant agreed to the proposition, promised the fellow he would payhim well for the two carloads. Two days passed, then three, and finally twoweeks were gone before the fellow showed up again, carrying a smallbasket. He looked weary and 'done up,' and he wasn't talkative a bit. Hethrew the basket on the counter with the remark, 'There's your frogs.'"'You haven't two carloads in that basket, have you?' inquired the merchant."'No,' was the reply, 'and there ain't no two carloads in all this blastedworld.'"'I thought you said there were at least ten millions of 'em in that marshnear you, according to the noise they made,' observed the merchant. 'Yourpeople couldn't sleep because of 'em.'"'Well,' said the fellow, 'accordin' to the noise they made, there was, Ithought, a hundred million of 'em, but when I had waded and swum thatthere marsh day and night fer two blessed weeks, I couldn't harvest but six.There's two or three left yet, an' the marsh is as noisy as it uster be. Wehaven't catched up on any of our lost sleep yet. Now, you can have thesehere six, an' I won't charge you a cent fer 'em.'"You can see by this little yarn," remarked the President, "that theseboisterous people make too much noise in proportion to their numbers."
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