Her Umbrella Premiere Issue Fall 2015

Seven months into the harassment, my husband, Matt (at the
time boyfriend), and I decided that it would be best for me to begin
counselling. My anxiety had gone off the charts. I am a very
self-aware person and I knew that the way I was reacting to things
was not healthy. I wasn't hyperventilating, but I would get this build
up in my chest that would cause me to breathe heavily. I would cry
and scream. I would sometimes get extremely nauseous and have
hot flashes. Sometimes when Matt would hold me to calm me down,
I would just feel like all I wanted to do was run. I don't know where
to, but it was an uncontrollable feeling. I would stress about every
little thing. I would freak out about something silly, like Matt moving
the toothpaste to the other side of the sink. It was absolutely
ridiculous.
Counselling was one of the best decisions we have made. I
started off going by myself and then Matt would join me for support
and insight on how to help. To a lot of people, counselling seems
scary. People wonder what others will think of them. People worry
that their peers will view them as less than. The honest truth is: we
all have issues that we have to deal with on a daily basis. It doesn't
make someone weaker for seeing a counselor. It has made me
stronger.
We started by detecting the types of anxiety that I have.
Before my first session, I had talked to my counselor on the phone
and explained what was going on. It was a really good step, because
it helped me become comfortable with her. She asked me to order a
copy of The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD.
and gave me some pages to read before the first session. I highly
recommend this book if you have anxiety, even if it's not severe
anxiety, because it is a very great book to learn from.
When we sat down, she asked me a bunch of questions as we
went through my life story. The book had some self-diagnosis
questions and I filled those out. By the second session, it was known
that I had social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and
some PTSD. I had anxiety about phone calls, online messages, sitting
in a group, parties, any situation where I was expected to speak out
loud, and water tanks (aquariums are difficult for me). Most of these,
I had my entire life. However, the thing about anxiety, is if
something traumatic happens to you, it can be amplified. Feeling
out of control is what drives most anxiety.
Another factor to anxiety is your own personality style. I have
always been quiet. I'm a writer, so I often enjoy listening and
noticing things around me. I like this more than speaking. I can be
outgoing if I am comfortable in a situation, but sometimes it takes
me a long time to get to that point. This doesn't ultimately cause my
anxiety. Up until the past two years, I would just accept that I was
quiet. A lot of it is how I am naturally. Some of it is because of
situations that have caused it and when my mind wanders to those
things, that is when my anxiety starts to peak.
The four personality styles that can swing anxiety into motion are
perfectionism, excessive need for approval, ignoring signs of stress,
and the need for control. I am three of these (perfectionist, need for
Premier Issue Fall 2015 / Her Umbrella 50