BeatRoute Magazine B.C. print e-edition - May 2016

SUBCULTURE
notes from the underground
Every month, like clockwork, I procrastinate
on writing column until the 11th
hour. It just doesn’t make sense to me
to have people reading something extra stale
which cancels out writing it earlier.
I’ve received praise from random people
of every ilk for my writing
which feels pretty fucking
good. I was amazed
by the cross section of
peeps that actually read
my blurb. I kind of wish,
through Beatroute, I could
answer a feedback mailbag.
That would make
coming up with themes
pretty easy. I’ve been
penning this column for
over 4 1/2 years now and
I’m sure I’ve rehashed the
same subjects multiple
times because shit
always seems to come
back around. How many
more, “do this, don’t do that” blogs pop up
every month. This month I saw a rash of
‘evil’ promoter posts. It’s a thankless job
sometimes, even if you’re doing it right.
I have severe writers block this month.
Here’s some unsolicited advice blurbs for
shits and giggles. I will reach 600 words this
month with this convoluted method.
Dear bands: Please practice a set up and
tear down, live show situation with your
gear. Aim for 15 minutes on a timer. Promoters
and other bands will be stoked to share a
bill with you if you get your shit together on
this. Accolades from your adoring fans can
wait.
Dear newer band: here is some tips on
how to get paid at a show. In my case, I have
a very poor memory from years of boozing
and endless faces so it’s a good idea to
check in with me before the show starts.
Send one guy, generally the online contact
or responsible member so I know your face.
After midnight’s door cash out, I do a few
laps around the bar looking for you. Keep in
mind I also have poor eyesight. If you’re not
by Wendy13
around you get added to the list. I have an
extensive list in my float wallet of uncollected
band dough. Look me up if you think
you may be on this list. It goes back at least
5 years. It wonder how many bands have
assumed they didn’t get paid by me and have
put me on their evil promoter
list?
Dear live music fans: expand
your musical horizons. Check
out a local or touring bands
you’ve never seen at least once
a month. Live a little.
Also... Enough cover charge
balking over 10 bucks. Every
time you spill your coffee that’s
5 bucks. I those Instagram pictures
of you drinking expensive
beers at trendy joints around
town. Se the value in 15-20
musicians performing live music
for you. Ten dollars is a pittance.
Dear bar patrons: If you’re too
drunk, there is likely a scenario
where the door guy will refuse you entry to
the pub. You are not more important than the
risk of a hefty fine and possible enforcement
closure of the business. See you tomorrow.
Call it a day.
Dear everyone: I can not help you get into
the bar without ID. It’s not my call. I just book
the bands there and collect my paycheque
like any other working stiff. Get to know door
guys like Phill. He may just vouch for you.
Better yet, haul your carcass down to the
DMV and get your shit together.
Dear other promoters: Attempt to be
conscientious of what else is going on in this
city. I’ve made plenty of sacrifices for the
sake of not killing someone elses show. Your
turn.
Dear Internet: Try matching the shit that
comes out of your typing fingers with what
you’d really do and say in reality. The personality
trait of a gutless keyboard warrior
is getting really stale. Like it or not, the law
is catching up with this trend of irrational
bullshit. Get it together.
Phew, there it is. See you around.
18 THE SKINNY
May 2016