May 2017

May 2017
Get Divorced Like an A-Lister
LEGAL
Presented by by
Kelly Steve Bennett, FillingimEsq.
What is the difference between you,
your soon-to-be-ex, and Brad and Angelina?
Sure, you’re a firefighter and your
spouse is an educator, and even with your
401Ks and dashing good looks. Neither
of you has won an Academy Award or
appeared on the pages of Vanity Fair.
But aside from that and oodles of money,
private jets, and personal chefs, there’s
another thing that sets you apart from the
Hollywood divorce crowd: They know
how to keep their dirty laundry from being
aired in the corridors of the county courthouse.
The A-listers understand how to
package their “conscientious uncoupling”
while getting it signed, sealed, and delivered
quicker than Blake divorced Miranda
and began dating Gwen. These couples
never set foot into family law court.
I was on the bench for almost 20
years, nine of which were devoted to
presiding over a family law docket, and
though I worked very hard to bring dignity
to my courtroom and fairness in my
rulings, I was still a stranger in a black
robe making generational decisions for
families I met only in the sterile environs
of my courtroom. Honestly, for the life of
me I never understood why people kept
coming through my doors to share their
family’s heartaches, grief, anger, and intimate
details in such a public and often
chaotic arena.
Do any of the following statements
describe you or your partner?
• We cannot get along about anything
–kids, cars or our house!
• We get along pretty well, but need
some guidance to get through the
divorce.
• The last thing I want to do is have some
judge decide where my kids spend
their Saturday evenings.
• We have a lot of things and issues to
sort out, and I have no idea where to
begin.
• My ex is a ________. (Jerk, narcissist,
control freak, etc.)
• We cannot talk about anything.
• I cannot keep taking days off from
work to go to court just to have my
case continued.
• I cannot keep paying out thousands of
dollars to get a divorce!
WHAT “THEY” KNOW, THAT
YOU SHOULD - If any of this rings true,
the “A-Lister’s” divorce secrets may be
the perfect antidote for your frustration.
What Hollywood and the elite know is
that traditional court works for some people,
but not everyone. Traditional court is
based on an adversarial template, and the
breakup of a family is already adversarial
enough without adding kerosene to the
flame. Family law attorneys who have a
practice based on resolution, integrity and
helpfulness to their clients are wonderful.
THE VALLEY BUSINESS JOURNAL
www.TheValleyBusinessJournal.com
These practitioners make a stressful time
as supportive as possible. Unfortunately,
gun-slinging, take-no-prisoners attorneys
add fuel to the fire, ratcheting up the heat
until you are financially and emotionally
spent and burned to a crisp. Additionally,
courts are under-resourced, packed with
families clamoring to get their six minutes
of time before a judge who will make generational
decisions about your kids, your
business, your money and your house. It
is a scary and often unpredictable way to
tear apart a household.
A-listers know there are other ways
to resolve family law disputes or settle a
divorce without going to court. Here are
a few things those in the know are doing
to keep their private lives private. They
can be indispensible in your divorce, too:
AN EXPERIENCED FAMILY
LAW ATTORNEY CAN MAKE ALL
THE DIFFERENCE - A conscientious
and experienced family law attorney
can help you draft a marital settlement
agreement. If you and your partner agree
on everything and you are both represented
by attorneys, you can submit all
necessary paperwork directly to court and
never make a court appearance. This only
works if both sides agree to everything
and you are paired with an attorney who
knows that resolving your case privately
is more important than puffing, posturing
and pumping up for fighting.
A-LISTERS AVOID THE “DIY
APPROACH” - After hearing horror
stories of prolonged divorces and ghastly
amounts of money being spent, the doit-yourself,
paralegal approach can look
very appealing. Tread cautiously here,
and do your homework. Don’t simply
Google “divorce paralegal” and select
the first name you see. Is the paralegal
service supervised by a licensed family
law attorney? Did you know that paralegals
may not draft legal documents
that secure or advance legal rights (that’s
called the unauthorized practice of law
in California, and is illegal). Are you and
your spouse able to dictate 100% of the
terms of your divorce agreement to the
paralegal service and not rely on any
“advice” they may give you? Unless the
paralegal is a licensed attorney, they are
unable to practice law, so you’ll also want
to know who the paralegal connects with
in order to help guide you. Also, beware
of notarios, document preparers and
paralegal services who are doing more
than preparing paperwork. If a document
preparer is giving you any legal advice,
they may be practicing law without a
license – a serious offense.
MEDIATORS, PRIVATE JUDG-
ES, AND NEUTRALS – THE SU-
PERSONIC A-LISTER SECRET TO
A COURTLESS DIVORCE - If you
play around on the Internet researching
divorce in California, the answers to how
much it costs and how long it takes vary.
Certainly there are horror stories outside
the average, and success stories as well.
Generally, the consensus is that for a
simple, average, run-of-the-mill divorce
it will cost around $25,000 and take you
15 months. If you have complicated
issues, own a business, disagree on the
children or someone is moving out of the
area, those numbers increase rapidly. As
Unfortunately, gun-slinging,
take-no-prisoners attorneys add
fuel to the fire, ratcheting up the
heat until you are financially and
emotionally spent and burned to
a crisp.
a judge I saw attorneys’ fees and custody
and business evaluator fees, therapist
fees, minor’s counsel fees, and all sorts
of expert fees frequently hit and surpass
$75,000! And on many occasions I heard
distraught parties plead with me, “I was
quoted $5,000, and now I am into this
for $50,000 with no end in sight, judge!”
Parties have spent life savings and gone
into debt fighting in court about holiday
schedules for kids and whether or not to
sell the marital home. No one wins in
divorce court if the parties and attorneys
are fighting till death do you part with
your money, your possessions, and your
sanity. Smart parties who are divorcing,
separating or attempting to resolve their
conflicts, with or without an attorney, understand
that mediation empowers parties
to make decisions for themselves.
Good, experienced, and smart mediators
and private judges settle cases
privately and outside of traditional court
for a fraction of the cost and time. Do
your research and find a mediation firm
that has vast experience and knowledge
in the area of dissolution, parentage, child
custody, business litigation and resolving
15
cases. A-listers resolve their cases faster,
cheaper and much more privately by
using a private judge or mediator in the
comfort of a mediation office. SMART
COURT and any mediation firm worth
their title will provide a comfortable,
large space with separate rooms for conferencing,
beverages and snacks, helpful
staff, and access to technology as well as
competent, experienced conflict resolution
experts.
If you are getting a divorce or battling
in family court, you are no different than
the A-listers. You have options, and now
you know what they are.
Why would you spend all that money
and emotional currency in a hostile public
pressure-cooker when you can reduce
costs, time and stress?
Consider the SMART way of handling
your family law case – the future
for you, your ex and your children will
look brighter.
Kelly A. Bennett, Esq. is the CEO of
Smart Court, a full-service mediation
and arbitration firm in Temecula. Ms.
Bennett and her partner, Retired Judge
Sherrill Ellsworth serve as the area’s
only judge-attorney mediation team,
helping divorcing couples, businesses
and organizations quickly and privately
settle their legal disputes. For more information
on how you can get your case
out of the court and into settlement with
the Bennett-Ellsworth team, at a fraction
of the cost of traditional court, contact
them at: 1-866-403-8690, email: info@
SmartCourt.com and see the SmartCourt.
com website for valuable information.