WTF.BOOK.FINAL4

next daddy to sweep in and take care of me. In that fantasy I never had to spread my
wings too far because the “Daddy” was always there to spread his wings around me
and keep me safe. It would have been frightening to choose anything different and
unknown—and yet I had no clue I was so scared. Looking back now it's almost as if I
was drugged... Oh, right, I was! Isn't that that what they do to the inmates in insane
asylums?
It was like I had been walking along a pathway strewn with diamonds—and
instead of noticing any of the treasures, I kept my eyes focused on all the piles of
dog poop. I focused on my expectations and projections, which are always based on
the past. And in my case those expectations were about how the fantasy would only be
destroyed once again, as it had been before. And, yet I still chose the fantasy! I wanted
a partner to love me; I wanted wealth, a beautiful home, travel… However, deep down I
believed I couldn’t have it.
I was always a very bright student. What I had learned in the insane asylum was that it
would be easier to not choose for me, by giving up the possibility of what I could create
if I chose it, than to actually choose it, get it and then lose it again. It would be easier for
me to keep the Back Door open (more on that later). I was not at all ready or willing to
do whatever the FUCK it took. That was definitely not part of the Jewish princess
package. I wanted a guarantee of a life less painful. Can I see a show of hands in
agreement, please, so I can be right!
You’ve got to remember that when you’re looking at a fantasy—there is NO way it will
turn out to be right or enough, because.... hello, it’s a fantasy! I, like everyone else
here, was entrained to look for what will not work. To search for evidence of my
wrongness. Like a dog on the scent of a sausage!
The thing is when you function this way, you don’t even get a sausage; all you end up
with is a conclusion.
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