Magazine disruption

MAGAZINE ISSUE NO.10
“JUST LIKE WOMEN, MEN
WILL SACRIFICE CAREER
PROGRESSION AND
SUPERANNUATION SAVINGS
IF THEY TAKE TIME OUT TO
CARE FOR KIDS."
It has its joys and its hardships.
According to Patrick “my mates without kids are
jealous, my mates with kids praise me”.
Nikolai says he has never felt stigmatised by his status.
“I have never felt any negative emotion toward Kirra
being the ‘bread winner’… I have always wanted to
be an involved dad,” he said.
“My mates have a stab every now and then but it is
all in good fun. Some have even said they hope they
can do a similar thing when they have kids.”
“I don’t know if I’d go so far as feeling ‘valued by the
community’ but I definitely get favourable looks from
strangers when I am out with the kids.”
Not all men do, however. Professor Strazdins say
many face social isolation as they struggle to fit into
mother’s groups and an overwhelmingly feminised
care-giving community.
“The normative world of women and children can
be hard for men to fit into. There is a layer of anxiety
around men and children which can make dads feel
awkward in some situations—as unwarranted as that
may be.”
This has certainly been the case for Americo
Alvarenga, a Californian-born writer who has settled
in Canberra with his public-servant wife Ruth, and is
the full-time carer for eight-month old Clarke.
Americo said fatherhood had turned out to be “the
most amazing, scary, exhausting, exhilarating” thing
he had ever experienced.
But settling into a new city had left him a little
isolated and he often picked up on the “exclusive”
vibe he felt in the presence of other mums.
“I have noticed the judgmental looks that I get from
certain people when I’m out by myself with my
daughter. Or the uncomfortable looks I get from
some women when I enter a parents’ room or take
my daughter for a check-up at the MACH nurses,”
Americo admitted.
“I understand these looks, for the most part. A lot
of women are either breastfeeding, or consider these
locations to be a safe-zone. So the double-take of a
man walking in is understandable, but once they see I
have a child, they could at the very least acknowledge
that I’m not there for some nefarious reason.”
Such judgement has kept Americo from going out to
certain places “just so I don’t have to deal with people
who hold onto antiquated concepts. That’s probably
been the hardest part of being a stay-home-dad”.
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