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HERCANBERRA.COM.AU “I HAVE A HUGE APPRECIATION FOR ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE WHO HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS. I THINK IT IS WAY HARDER THAN THEY SEEM TO MAKE IT LOOK.” He also feels a lack of support from his own parents. “They like that I’m with my daughter, but still hold onto an antiquated belief that the ‘man’ should be the one to work while the ‘woman’ stays home with the child.” Professor Strazdin notes that in Scandinavian countries—where fathers have access to substantive paternity leave—it is far more accepted to see men in nurturing roles. Patrick said he often felt isolated at home, but some of this was associated with relocating cities and having to start over in new social groups. “In Canberra I had a network of family and friends, and my mates from school had kids so we would catch up.” Patrick also relied on the Facebook group Canberra Dads for information and support and similarly uses a medical partner's Facebook page “for all us blokes with doctor wives.” Nikolai says the bulk of his friends are not quite at the stage of having kids. So he saves his socialising for weekends or after the kids are in bed. He sees a lot to love about his current situation. “We never have to contend with the rat race. We get to spend lots of time with our kids which is a massive luxury not every parent gets—especially dads.” But there is a nagging ambition he holds. While Kirra stresses how integral Nikolai has been to getting Capital Hydrotherapy to where it is now, Nikolai wants to succeed on his own terms. “I don't feel I've really had a personal success yet, and I don't want to die wondering what could have been. Either way, whatever I decide will be a while away, most likely once the kids are in school.” Similarly, Patrick is aware that it will be more difficult for him to rejoin the workforce after a substantial break. “I have a huge appreciation for all the mothers out there who have been doing this for years. I think it is way harder than they seem to make it look.” Whatever the hardships, the three dads say their experience has been overwhelmingly positive. So much so that none of the families have ruled out more babies. • PAGE 110
Are family issues breaking you apart? We’ll help you get closure. Family legal matters can be stressful. They can cause confusion, frustration and a sense of loss. At Watts McCray, we’ll work with you on choices. With choices you’ll be empowered to make confident decisions and achieve the best possible outcome. To move forward with your life, call one of our leading and experienced family lawyers. Family Law Specialists 6257 6347 | wattsmccray.com.au/canberra
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ISSUE NO. 10
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