1985-1986 Rothberg Yearbook

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Mark Spiegel & Paul Schw artz “ The authors and proponents of th e V־Whack T heory” AMERICANS «,. CANADIANS WARNING: NEW EPIDEMIC SPREADING IN THAT CANADA. SYMPTOMS: Arrogance A need to satisfy insecurities by putting down others. Abnormality o f speech (e.g. punctuating sentences with “huh” and inability to pronounce “eh”) Ostentatiousness Vulgarity Nostalgia for prehistoric actors Obnoxiousness Infantile behaviour Predominance of sports in your life to make up for lack of mental capabilities A need to advertise the name of your university on your chest in order to assume an identity otherwise not held. Pig-headedness Desire to control the world Paranoid fear o f anyone with a Libyan passport Denial of Canadian superiority (a selfevident fact) If you are suffering from one or more of the above symptoms please consult your physician immediately! DIAGNOSIS: World-renowned doctors in both medical and psychological fields, after extensive research, have concluded that the above symptoms are characteristic o f that dreaded disease... “AMERICANISM”. OVERCROWDED FILTHY LAND MASS SOUTH OF CURE: DO NOT PANIC! THERE IS HOPE! If on critical list, immediate immigration into Canada is strongly advised. If still at early stages of disease have patience... within the upcoming years the ultimate antidote will arrive: the formal annexation of the United States under Canada. YOUR SALVATION IS NEAR. The Canadian Em pire Strikes Back! Those Crazy Canucks Living in the US is so much fun Y ou’re not very safe unless you ’ve got a gun Your elitist schools cost much much money Yet all you learn is how to do strange things with honey I especially love the simple American mentality Where egocentricity, jingoism and ignorance are reality We love your Mr. Reagan, and of course Nancy’s wardrobe too We’re very sorry about your shuttle which at one time flew And then there’s Canada, beautiful, safe and clean There’s no doubt about it, for in Montreal we have Dean In Rambo your pride, joy and honour is epitomized But if you don’t stop your acid rain, w e’ll annex your country!
84 / * X mr u u _r־u־u־L Hozer Bound N ־׳׳/‏ n־-‏ r J-LTLn. Lr Hozer, according to Miriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, is one who is a native Canadian, Canadien, or Canuck. However, it should be noted that this word is in no way associated with “hose” or “hosiery” rather its origins date way back to the tw entieth century. There was a tim e when tw o cool Canadian dudes, Bob and Doug Mackenzie (they are in no way related despite the fact that they drink from the same beer bottle) got together with an ingenious plan for Canada to annex the United States and create an eleventh province. Eleven was always their favorite number. Besides, they felt sorry for all those underprivileged U.S. citizens who never encountered the “Hozer Experience”. After many heated debates and lengthy discussions, they concluded that the term Canadian was not applicable to the new population thus they agreed on “hozer”. (I think it was Doug’s idea. It was the only word he could slur one night while he was pissed drunk.) Obviously, Bob and Doug realized that absorbing this backward civilization into the world of the wonderful Klondike would be an extrem ely difficult task. Therefore, being the understanding Canadian citizen that I am, I have decided to publish the entry requirements to Canada to help those poor Americans better integrate into a society o f Molson Export and Labatt 50. Actually, it ’s not that hard to becom e a hozer. I guess the toughest part is the first stage, initiation. A recruit must stand on his head, gargle with beer and sing the Canadian national anthem (in French, of course). Once passed, it’s easy street. However, when he fails even one prerequisite it’s back to the beginning (most people don’t mind though since it gives them a chance to practice this! heavy duty beer drinking skills). Potential hozers must also repeat the word “eh” after ) every sentence. This is an ESSENTIAL part o f hozerization j and practically the only thing that distinguishes us from; those (ugh!) Americans. Hozer dress is quite simple. Main features are a ski hat with the emblem o f your favorite hockey team, wom-in steel toe construction boots, and, o f course, a beer in{ each hand (beers in back pockets are also permitted). All! hozers must proudly proclaim their hozerhood to the rest I o f the world and greet every foreigner hospitably with: the traditional “hey man, ya wanna beer?” Lastly, all hozers must avidly and openly support the election of i Bob and Doug to the position of dual Prime Ministers. ) They promise to nationalize all breweries and make beer the national food and drink. Also, the cost will be subsidized at a very low cost so mothers can get thin kids on the bottle at an early age. Bob and Doug have had enormous success with their brilliant plan. Americans, oops I mean hozers, are ecstatic with their new identity. Commented one hozer after finally passing initiation on his fifth try, “I feel like, burp, a new man, eh”. Now that there’s been a steady and successful influx of new hozers into Canada, these people are determined to com plete the final stage of the process: the art o f Belching. Jennifer Shecter The Fight Against Peace WARNING: N o t every peace proposal is a “suspicious object. ” There’s the danger that some of us have becom e hardened cynics during the year. The realities of the peace process, which we have seen with our own eyes or contemplated in a textbook, may have dulled our “idealism.” D on’t forget — the possibilities are endless. D on’t give up on peace. D on’t turn away from possible futures, before you’re certain you don’t have anything to learn from them. Y ou’re always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past. Richard Bach
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DEDICATED TO: O X R SKjkde^-tS אSo
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ץ־־־׳/‏ ח חו־ז m־Ln L
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Thanks so much... EDITORS Jim Brams
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S — is for the first authentic Is
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The hazards of only holding onto ON
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Summer Tiyulim Over Ulpan there wer
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JERUSALEM Jerusalem, Oh I can recal
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M B i? ‏° ^ v ’cS '* ? ן # »
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SEM ESTER
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Language Exchange This year the His
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KA TAMON, Our Adapted Community I a
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'Se 'ya in Gloversville.' "Where's
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Missioning Whether Judaism is a rel
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Page 34 and 35: L-TUrLTL החח Fighters —Gadna O
Page 36 and 37: pnr! L n riru Question: Who walks i
Page 40 and 41: SINAI As this year’s end is comin
Page 42 and 43: ץ־־'/‏ ־u־ru L n n ru rxn/i
Page 44 and 45: On First Semester Hebrew University
Page 47 and 48: mr־ -TLTLn. A ־‎1r r־־ L־־U
Page 49: ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ - ׳'״■'א־
Page 52 and 53: THE WORLD UNION OF JEWISH STUDENTS
Page 54 and 55: Palestinian M isrepresentation When
Page 56 and 57: -n-ru-L j-! 55 ) ח ח ח A I bet y
Page 58 and 59: i n r -inr _ru u־־u־ L־־u־ru
Page 61 and 62: p n ri L rum J r ~ \ Ln_r־Ln_ ־u1
Page 64 and 65: F r 1 n c l
Page 67 and 68: Where Is The Sports Page? Beep. Bee
Page 69 and 70: -r״rn wild and crazy flUY*•
Page 71 and 72: From Sea to Sea Did you ever wonder
Page 73: THE END
Page 76 and 77: m pnn J U iru Bureaucracy In Israel
Page 81 and 82: TWO Into ONE During one’s lifetim
Page 83: The Battle Is On! I was sitting rea
Page 87 and 88: Yc T T L isten to this one, D o y o
Page 90 and 91: ח ח ח ‏\־־׳✓‏ ־TTU L t
Page 92 and 93: Family First Address City Zip State
Page 94: spring *86 I Hi Family First Addres
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1985-1986 Rothberg Yearbook

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