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Penn Magazine November 2017

The inaugural issue of Penn Magazine

Guests of the Nation

Guests of the Nation GUESTS OF THE NATION ...sitting in shop class in his underwear, and burned, stiff bodies, all the components of an American dream. Too many bodies. blowing on birthday candles and then more rapid-fire bursts, and sitting in shop class in his underwear, and burned, stiff bodies, all the components of an American dream. Too many bodies. The bodies were stacking up in the shop area of Mr. Shoemaker’s class, next to the “croshcut shaw,” the band shaw, the radial arm shaw, and the circular shaw. Each year on the first day of class Mr. Shoemaker would name the saws by firing out the fingers of one hand, the band saw and radial arm saw being half and three-quarters length because of an ancient band saw accident, or perhaps separate accidents. Outside the class door John smelled the lunchroom and a whiff of Sue McCarthy’s perfume. He heard the rumble of the changing classes. He saw Susan sitting in the next row, and since this was a dream he smiled wide and reached over to pull her hand to his crotch. John’s hand hit something before reaching Susan. He opened his eyes and saw his own fingertips touching a knee wearing dark blue pants. Some sort of tweed? WTF is tweed? John uncrossed his legs and sat up in the tight little blue airport seat. Blood rushed through his body, filling his face and ears. He looked up and saw three people looking down on him, shoulder to shoulder, all wearing varieties of dark and white, as if three stern Catholic playground monitors had showed up to haul him to time out. “Are you a terrorist?” said the whitehaired man in the middle. WTF happened to “with Folgers in your cup”? He was tall and successful looking... 48/Penn Magazine/November 2017

IOWA TERROR Someone was killing the Democrats of Orange County, Iowa. Iowa Terror tells the story of Jesus Iowa, a high school kid who saw the towers coming down on the TV wheeled into history class by the janitor and saw what no one else saw, the truth, so he had to leave town, but he came back. It features the outstanding art work of Ben Heine, Ian Ward, Russell Brutsche, and Allison M. Healy. A Good Democrat As we know, There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know There are known unknowns. That is to say We know there are some things We do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, The ones we don’t know We don’t know. — Donald Rumsfeld, United States Secretary of Defense, Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing Someone was killing the Democrats of Orange County, Iowa. I wouldn’t have cared, but that I was a Democrat. I did not much care to have my throat slit as I pulled into the garage, or have my brakes The prime suspect was Jesus Iowa, the terrorist. November 2017/Penn Magazine/49

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