How-to-Write-a-Better-Thesis

Use of the Passive Voice
27
rather than ‘will analyze and apply’); their sentences are long and complicated;
they prefer long and seldom-used words to the short equivalent words common in
everyday communication; some phrases carry little information (‘scenarios’; ‘political
institutional impediments’); and so on. You can see from these examples why
thesiese does not impress examiners. You are far more likely to impress them by
using simple, direct words and sentences. Remember that the university has asked
them to look for critical thinking, not obfuscation. Things to avoid:
• ‘Carpet-bag’ sentences. Allow me to illustrate. Such sentences, like this one,
which I hate to encounter in a thesis because I know they will be impossible to
correct, sometimes seem to arise from lack of confidence, where a writer isn’t
quite sure what she or he wants to say, or may even have lost track of what they
want to say, and so says several things in the one sentence that might almost be
contradictory; and sometimes arise from overconfidence, where the writer genuinely
has a complex concept to communicate to the reader and tries to discharge
the whole explanation in a single sentence, and the effect is the same, namely, a
confused mess with excessive, or even absurd, punctuation, and a strangled syntax
that no likely reader will be able to digest, if they even get that far. That was a
carpet-bag sentence—get the idea? Most examples are not punctuated that carefully,
either. If you can cut a sentence into parts without destroying the meaning
or tone, do so.
• Excessively long paragraphs. I know there is a culture in some disciplines of
showing intellectual power through complex writing structures, but is it a true
display of intellectual virtuosity, or mere showing-off? Examiners are not impressed
by ego.
• Cliché, homespun phrasing, and folksy metaphors.
• Empty adjectives and phrases. Examples include very, quite, accordingly, of
course, and the fact that. If a word or phrase can be deleted without affecting the
meaning of the sentence, then delete it. The sentence will probably look stronger
afterwards.
• Pointless qualifiers. Examples include may, might, perhaps, and possible. Like
empty adjectives, such words can be a kind of padding that the author believes
gives the writing a more academic ‘feel’. I suspect the underlying motivation is
that academics are not supposed to express absolute opinions, as there is always
room for doubt, but the overall impact can be that the reader doesn’t learn what
the writer is trying to say—every assertion is, in effect, qualified by ‘maybe, but
then again, maybe not’. Only use a qualifier if you really need to.
Use of the Passive Voice
You will write more clearly if you use the active voice for verbs rather than the
passive voice. Although it is not always appropriate, active voice should usually be
your first choice. Here is an example of passive voice: