Mapping Meaning, the Journal (Issue No. 1)

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In Conversation with Consciousness Weston G. W. Wood I realized that my most problematic relationship was with myself, that I spoke to and treated myself poorly. So, I transcribed and analyzed a spoken conversation with myself to tease out the discursive manifestations of my anxiety and depression. 78 Mapping Meaning, the Journal
In Conversation with Consciousness Weston G. W. Wood is also relevant to the same subject” (Bateson, 1972, p. 1). Metalogue was the keystone of the dialogic transcription analysis used in my thesis as it “allows analysis not only of discussion of the topic of interest, say, our relationship with the natural world, but the relationship itself as we live it. The phenomena that is the topic of discussion is also intended to be occurring in the discussion.” (Wood, 2017, pp. 7-8). Thus, I enacted metalogues with myself and others and conducted dialogic transcription analysis of them as an experimental method. I will now share a few selections of metalogue that demonstrate its potential significance for exploring our relationality outwards and interrogating systemic dynamics of mental health. What follows first is from my conversation with myself that demonstrates how this method allows me to slow down and unpack problematic self-discourse. The numbers in parenthesis signify the duration of pauses in seconds: Utterance: 33. even now (3) you were being a dick to me, you were saying these two days off were really bad for me, and this is always what you do (2) 34. and I’m like fair, to an extent, but that’s partially because of the way you treat me (4)and, we’re trying to work on that, but we’ve really regressed and we have a lot of ways to go, and it comes down to more than just (1) a ok you not being as much of a dick and acknowledging, but you no more cop outs 12:46 35. and another part of me real is being honest, eye we’ve done some good but we also (2) I also xhhhh 36. I also haven’t worked as hard as I (1) should 37. I say should, but that’s a bit (unin) 38. I haven’t worked as hard as I would like myself to, Hence ((circles with hand)) the start of me being an asshole to you 39. It’s on me, and this perpetual disagreement we’re having (4) doesn’t help (3) what I have done, I acknowledge, and that’s awesome good job you ((clicks mouth)) good job. 40. I also (2) acknowledge that I had expectations that have not been met (2)13:41 41. That’s ok, I have been through a lot 42. You’ve been through a lot (2) 43. You’ve been through a lot, and that’s ok 13:49 (5) 44.That’s (.5) totally fine xhhhhh 45. You’ll get there (3) you’re doing well (3) Metalogue: An example of the value of dialogic turn-taking for me. I often set expectations for myself that I do not meet, and am very harsh with myself in response. This is what another voice, less heard in my day-to-day inner conversations, is referring to as “what you always do.” These expectations are imposed by a domineering voice that feels external pressures to perform. I have internalized the value of perpetually increasing my productivity in order to prove my dominance over the work I am doing, re-enacting patriarchy. Through this reflexivity, I am able to reveal patriarchy Issue N o 1 79
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Idaho Triptych Lynn Kilpatrick Lynn
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Page 50 and 51: Survival Series Gretchen Schermerho
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Page 65 and 66: Notes on an archive Nat Castañeda
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