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13. "Lord, thou hast reserved my perfect joys for heaven; therefore, help<br />
me to desire till I may possess, and let me long when I cannot, as I would,<br />
rejoice. O my soul, thou knowest, to thy sorrow, that thou art not yet at thy<br />
rest. When shall I arrive at that safe and quiet harbor where there are none of<br />
these storms, waves, and dangers; when I shall never more have a weary,<br />
restless night or day? <strong>The</strong>n my life will not be such a mixture of hope and<br />
fear, of joy and sorrow; nor shall flesh and spirit be combating within me;<br />
nor faith and unbelief, humility and pride, maintain a continual conflict. O<br />
when shall I be past these soul-tormenting fears, and cares and griefs? when<br />
shall I be out of this soul-contradicting, ensnaring, deceitful flesh; this<br />
corruptible body, this vain, vexatious world? Alas, that I must stand and see<br />
the church and cause of Christ tossed about in contention, and made<br />
subservient to private interests or deluded fancies. <strong>The</strong>re is none of this<br />
disorder in the heavenly Jerusalem; there I shall find a harmonious concert of<br />
perfected spirits, obeying and praising their everlasting King. O how much<br />
better to be a door-keeper there, than the commander of this tumultuous<br />
world. Why am I no more weary of this weariness? Why do I so forget my<br />
resting-place? Up then, O my soul, in thy most raised and fervent desires!<br />
Stay not till this flesh can desire with thee; expect not that sense should<br />
apprehend thy blessed object, and tell thee when and what to desire.<br />
"Doth not the dulness of thy desires after rest accuse thee of most<br />
detestable ingratitude and folly? Must thy Lord procure thee a rest at so dear<br />
a rate, and dost thou no more value it? Must he go before to prepare so<br />
glorious a mansion for such a wretch, and art thou loth to go and possess it?<br />
Shall the Lord of glory be desirous of thy company, and thou not desirous of<br />
his? Must earth become a very hell to thee before thou art willing to be with<br />
God? Behold the most lovely creature, or the most desirable state, and tell<br />
me, where wouldst thou be if not with God? Poverty is a burden; riches a<br />
snare; sickness unpleasing; health unsafe; the frowning world bruises thy<br />
heel; the smiling world stings thee to the heart; so much as the world is loved<br />
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