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"Indeed, Lord, my soul itself is in a strait, and what to choose I know<br />
not; but thou knowest what to give: ‘to depart and be with thee, is far better;'<br />
but ‘to abide in the flesh' seems needful. Thou knowest I am not weary of thy<br />
work, but of sorrow and sin; I am willing to stay while thou wilt employ me,<br />
and despatch the work thou hast put into my hands; but, I beseech thee, stay<br />
no longer when this is done; and while I must be here, let me be still<br />
amending and ascending; make me still better, and take me at the best. I dare<br />
not be so impatient as to importune thee to cut off my time, and snatch me<br />
hence unready; because I know my everlasting state so much depends on the<br />
improvement of this life. Nor would I stay when my work is done, and<br />
remain here sinning, while my brethren are triumphing. Thy footsteps bruise<br />
this worm, while those stars shine in the firmament of glory. Yet I am thy<br />
child as well as they. Christ is my Head as well as theirs; why is there, then,<br />
so great a distance? But I acknowledge the equity of thy ways; though we are<br />
all children, yet I am the prodigal, and therefore more fit, in this remote<br />
country, to feed on husks, while they are always with thee, and possess thy<br />
glory. <strong>The</strong>y were once themselves in my condition, and I shall shortly be in<br />
theirs. <strong>The</strong>y were of the lowest form before they came to the highest; they<br />
suffered before they reigned; they ‘came out of great tribulation, who are<br />
now before thy throne;' and shall I not be content to come to the crown as<br />
they did; and to ‘drink of their cup, before I sit with them in the kingdom?'<br />
Lord, I am content to stay thy time, and go thy way, so thou wilt exalt me<br />
also in thy season, and take me into thy barn when thou seest me ripe. In the<br />
meantime, I may desire, though I am not to repine; I may believe and wish,<br />
though not make any sinful haste; I am willing to wait for thee, but not to<br />
lose thee; and when thou seest me too contented with thine absence, then<br />
quicken my languid desires, and blow up the dying spark of love; and leave<br />
me not until I am able unfeignedly to cry out, ‘As the hart panteth after the<br />
water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God! My soul thirsteth for<br />
God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? My<br />
conversation is in heaven, from whence I look for a Savior. My affections<br />
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