Mettavalokanaya_Buddhist_Magazine_March_2019

Comfort
Zone….
“trying new
things for
better”....
Comfort zone as emotional
boundary - Comfort zone is
the emotional boundary that
we set so that we would not
feel insecure and threatened. It was in
February 1999 that I happened to talk
about in at Los Angeles Mission College
where I conducted a mindfulness
meditation session. Almost everyone
asked me questions about it. Ever since
it is a term that I hear and use on daily
basis. I as a guidance counselor noticed
that comfort zone is more often used in
the West. However, during a recent visit
to Sri Lanka I heard people often mention
it. People talk about their comfort zone
more than ever before. The situation is
due the fact that the world nowadays
is a global village fed by social media
and bleeding-edge technology that
emotionally suffocate people instead
of comforting them. However, we
cannot put the blame on social media
and technology. We must choose our
needs wisely. Let us first look at the Pali
canonical reference to comfort zone.
Pettika-visaya, the Pali term - We
come across a Pali term, ‘pettika-visaya,’
in the Sakunagghi Sutra of the Samyutta
Nikāya. First let us see the story behind
pettika-visaya prior to defining it. The
story is about a hawk and a quail. Once a
quail who had been advised by its mother
to never wander out of its proper range
and into a territory of other, went against
its mother’s advice and flew out of its
range. Suddenly, a hawk swooped down
on the quail and caught it. Being carried
off to death, the quail begged hawk
for life. The quail lamented its unwise
decision and thought that it should not
have its own ancestral territory. However,
the story ends with the quail being freed
by the hawk. The quail learned an ample
lesson of its comfort zone. Not everyone
is lucky. In most cases there is no U-turn.
Comfort zone as ancestral milieu
- Ancestral milieu is our genetic, cultural
and social environment that we we were
born into and acquired our upbringing
from. Parents and or family is the nucleus
of comfort zone. While we are free to
assimilate with and expand our comfort
zones, we need to educate ourselves
that the nucleus of our comfort zone can
never be outside of our ancestral milieu.
In my counseling sessions I have come
across people traumatized with what is
called identity crisis. Such crisis is due
to a dormant urge in our psyche that
we find solace in our ancestral milieu.
The quail eventually remembered the
advice its mother gave him. In a recent
research I did on Facebook, 98 per
cent of Facebook users traumatized by
relationship breakups wrote kudos to
their mother of either parent who would
accept their children back to the family
no matter what. In case
Fetal position (gabbha-seyyā) - It
is typical of those who lost their comfort
zone to lie in fetal position. Most of
them that I spoke with claimed they
woke up in the middle of the night and
found themselves lying in fetal position.
That is their biological indication that
they either feel like going back into
the mother’s womb or subconsciously
calling their mothers for help. Fetal
position is a psycho-biological indication.
By accurately interpreting it, the kind
of remedy can be determined before it
is too late. In certain cases, they dream
of their parents coming to their rescue,
even if the parents are no more. Mostly,
it is not a supernatural dream but an
anxiety dream.
Choices made mindfully - Despite
our talents, strengths and experience,
one can easily be prey to hawk-like
others. In general, people are not
aware of risks associated with their
choices deemed necessary to expand
their comfort zone. Mindfulness needs
to be used in trying new things so that
damage can be avoided or minimized.
Oftentimes, people are not happy
with the outcome of their choices and
complain that they should not have
made those choices. Choosing mindfully
is a difficult task since we have a builtin
tendency of only looking at the
comfort anticipated therein but not the
consequences thereafter. People need to
pre-educate themselves in a universally
psychological pattern of fallback that the
Buddha has taught. The pattern is called
adhesion (anuruddha) and aversion
(pativiruddha). In adhering there is an
almost inevitable chance of aversion.
It is mindfully made choices that bring
us joy from our adhesion. Otherwise,
consequences are clearly inevitable.
Two types of comfort zone - To
some their comfort zone needs to be
expanded by trying new things. To some
their comfort zone need not be expanded.
Based these two tendencies there are
two types of comfort zones, introspective
and extrospective. Introspective people
feel that their comfort zone need not be
expanded however narrow it is, while
extrospective people feel that expansion
of it essential. In both case there is a risk.
The Type One people must make sure
that they never be like quails flying freely
but being blind to dangers. In other
words, freedom of choice must follow
accepted ethical and legal boundaries of
the society or country we live. The Type
Two people must make sure that they
do not marginalize themselves. In other
words, must be mindful enough to never
lock themselves up in an emotional dark
room.
Self-mettā as a remedy - As
recommended by the Buddha we need
at least one trustworthy friend (kalyānamitta),
who is capable of understanding
our emotions. In case such a friend
is unavailable we would rather live
in solitude but practicing self-mettā
(unconditional love towards oneself).
Such life in solitude is called the lifestyle
of a rhino in the Khaggavisāna Sutra
(discourse on the rhinoceros behaviour.
Self-mettā helps avoid codependency
that is a mental tendency of relying on
others especially on those we have lost
connection with. Relationship breakup
and divorce often lead to codependency.
In self-mettā we trust ourselves and
move on as opposed to imprisoning
ourselves in an emotional prison. In case
the comfort zone is already lost, it can be
reset with the assistance of a kalyānamitta
and self-metta. Complaints against
oneself or those who victimized one
only further drains one’s energy. Leave
complaints behind and move on.
USA
The Chief Sanghanayake of
North America at Asgiriya
Chapter, Chief Incumbent
of Life Coach, Mindfulness
Instructor, USA
Most Venerable
Dedunupitiye Upananda
Thero
36 l Mettavalokanaya l March l 2019 l www.mettavalokanaya.com www.mettavalokanaya.com l 2019 l March l Mettavalokanaya l 37