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Mettavalokanaya_Buddhist_Magazine_March_2019

“Mettavalokanaya” International Monthly Buddhist Magazine has been successfully distributed to 40 countries including all districts across Sri Lanka and now “Mettavalokanaya” is Sri Lankan Most Popular & Leading monthly Buddhist Magazine.

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Comfort<br />

Zone….<br />

“trying new<br />

things for<br />

better”....<br />

Comfort zone as emotional<br />

boundary - Comfort zone is<br />

the emotional boundary that<br />

we set so that we would not<br />

feel insecure and threatened. It was in<br />

February 1999 that I happened to talk<br />

about in at Los Angeles Mission College<br />

where I conducted a mindfulness<br />

meditation session. Almost everyone<br />

asked me questions about it. Ever since<br />

it is a term that I hear and use on daily<br />

basis. I as a guidance counselor noticed<br />

that comfort zone is more often used in<br />

the West. However, during a recent visit<br />

to Sri Lanka I heard people often mention<br />

it. People talk about their comfort zone<br />

more than ever before. The situation is<br />

due the fact that the world nowadays<br />

is a global village fed by social media<br />

and bleeding-edge technology that<br />

emotionally suffocate people instead<br />

of comforting them. However, we<br />

cannot put the blame on social media<br />

and technology. We must choose our<br />

needs wisely. Let us first look at the Pali<br />

canonical reference to comfort zone.<br />

Pettika-visaya, the Pali term - We<br />

come across a Pali term, ‘pettika-visaya,’<br />

in the Sakunagghi Sutra of the Samyutta<br />

Nikāya. First let us see the story behind<br />

pettika-visaya prior to defining it. The<br />

story is about a hawk and a quail. Once a<br />

quail who had been advised by its mother<br />

to never wander out of its proper range<br />

and into a territory of other, went against<br />

its mother’s advice and flew out of its<br />

range. Suddenly, a hawk swooped down<br />

on the quail and caught it. Being carried<br />

off to death, the quail begged hawk<br />

for life. The quail lamented its unwise<br />

decision and thought that it should not<br />

have its own ancestral territory. However,<br />

the story ends with the quail being freed<br />

by the hawk. The quail learned an ample<br />

lesson of its comfort zone. Not everyone<br />

is lucky. In most cases there is no U-turn.<br />

Comfort zone as ancestral milieu<br />

- Ancestral milieu is our genetic, cultural<br />

and social environment that we we were<br />

born into and acquired our upbringing<br />

from. Parents and or family is the nucleus<br />

of comfort zone. While we are free to<br />

assimilate with and expand our comfort<br />

zones, we need to educate ourselves<br />

that the nucleus of our comfort zone can<br />

never be outside of our ancestral milieu.<br />

In my counseling sessions I have come<br />

across people traumatized with what is<br />

called identity crisis. Such crisis is due<br />

to a dormant urge in our psyche that<br />

we find solace in our ancestral milieu.<br />

The quail eventually remembered the<br />

advice its mother gave him. In a recent<br />

research I did on Facebook, 98 per<br />

cent of Facebook users traumatized by<br />

relationship breakups wrote kudos to<br />

their mother of either parent who would<br />

accept their children back to the family<br />

no matter what. In case<br />

Fetal position (gabbha-seyyā) - It<br />

is typical of those who lost their comfort<br />

zone to lie in fetal position. Most of<br />

them that I spoke with claimed they<br />

woke up in the middle of the night and<br />

found themselves lying in fetal position.<br />

That is their biological indication that<br />

they either feel like going back into<br />

the mother’s womb or subconsciously<br />

calling their mothers for help. Fetal<br />

position is a psycho-biological indication.<br />

By accurately interpreting it, the kind<br />

of remedy can be determined before it<br />

is too late. In certain cases, they dream<br />

of their parents coming to their rescue,<br />

even if the parents are no more. Mostly,<br />

it is not a supernatural dream but an<br />

anxiety dream.<br />

Choices made mindfully - Despite<br />

our talents, strengths and experience,<br />

one can easily be prey to hawk-like<br />

others. In general, people are not<br />

aware of risks associated with their<br />

choices deemed necessary to expand<br />

their comfort zone. Mindfulness needs<br />

to be used in trying new things so that<br />

damage can be avoided or minimized.<br />

Oftentimes, people are not happy<br />

with the outcome of their choices and<br />

complain that they should not have<br />

made those choices. Choosing mindfully<br />

is a difficult task since we have a builtin<br />

tendency of only looking at the<br />

comfort anticipated therein but not the<br />

consequences thereafter. People need to<br />

pre-educate themselves in a universally<br />

psychological pattern of fallback that the<br />

Buddha has taught. The pattern is called<br />

adhesion (anuruddha) and aversion<br />

(pativiruddha). In adhering there is an<br />

almost inevitable chance of aversion.<br />

It is mindfully made choices that bring<br />

us joy from our adhesion. Otherwise,<br />

consequences are clearly inevitable.<br />

Two types of comfort zone - To<br />

some their comfort zone needs to be<br />

expanded by trying new things. To some<br />

their comfort zone need not be expanded.<br />

Based these two tendencies there are<br />

two types of comfort zones, introspective<br />

and extrospective. Introspective people<br />

feel that their comfort zone need not be<br />

expanded however narrow it is, while<br />

extrospective people feel that expansion<br />

of it essential. In both case there is a risk.<br />

The Type One people must make sure<br />

that they never be like quails flying freely<br />

but being blind to dangers. In other<br />

words, freedom of choice must follow<br />

accepted ethical and legal boundaries of<br />

the society or country we live. The Type<br />

Two people must make sure that they<br />

do not marginalize themselves. In other<br />

words, must be mindful enough to never<br />

lock themselves up in an emotional dark<br />

room.<br />

Self-mettā as a remedy - As<br />

recommended by the Buddha we need<br />

at least one trustworthy friend (kalyānamitta),<br />

who is capable of understanding<br />

our emotions. In case such a friend<br />

is unavailable we would rather live<br />

in solitude but practicing self-mettā<br />

(unconditional love towards oneself).<br />

Such life in solitude is called the lifestyle<br />

of a rhino in the Khaggavisāna Sutra<br />

(discourse on the rhinoceros behaviour.<br />

Self-mettā helps avoid codependency<br />

that is a mental tendency of relying on<br />

others especially on those we have lost<br />

connection with. Relationship breakup<br />

and divorce often lead to codependency.<br />

In self-mettā we trust ourselves and<br />

move on as opposed to imprisoning<br />

ourselves in an emotional prison. In case<br />

the comfort zone is already lost, it can be<br />

reset with the assistance of a kalyānamitta<br />

and self-metta. Complaints against<br />

oneself or those who victimized one<br />

only further drains one’s energy. Leave<br />

complaints behind and move on.<br />

USA<br />

The Chief Sanghanayake of<br />

North America at Asgiriya<br />

Chapter, Chief Incumbent<br />

of Life Coach, Mindfulness<br />

Instructor, USA<br />

Most Venerable<br />

Dedunupitiye Upananda<br />

Thero<br />

36 l <strong>Mettavalokanaya</strong> l <strong>March</strong> l <strong>2019</strong> l www.mettavalokanaya.com www.mettavalokanaya.com l <strong>2019</strong> l <strong>March</strong> l <strong>Mettavalokanaya</strong> l 37

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