Movement 124
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the latest series<br />
of the a0prentice<br />
contains some<br />
lessons about the<br />
goals of business<br />
bosses and<br />
business<br />
Back when I edited movement, my day job was with a property development firm in<br />
Central London, putting together bids on privately-financed public works projects. I<br />
knew nothing about property, but I was hard-working and smart enough to pass.<br />
While he was a self-made man with a grammar school upbringing, my boss, Trevor, did<br />
not resemble Sir Alan Sugar in any other way. Trevor looked like Ronnie Corbett and he<br />
did whatever he could to distance himself from his roots, including working with the<br />
Prince of Wales on one of his pet architectural projects. Nonetheless, watching The Apprentice<br />
reminds me of the time I worked for him.<br />
Let me say first that I loved the first season of the BBC version of The Apprentice.l watch the<br />
American version with DonaldTrumpfairly regularly (it'stheonly realityTV lwatch), but I<br />
was so much more impressed with the achievement of its British counterpart. The tasks are<br />
real business tasks and not giant opportunities for product placemen! the candidates aren't<br />
airbrushed beautiful people but people you can imagine going out for a pint with; and while,<br />
like all US realityTV, the American Apprentice excises any trace of the camera, the British<br />
version seems more documentary-like, with mic packs and booms and reflections of the<br />
camera operator in the mirrors and an omniscient narrator guiding us through everything.<br />
And, let's face it, Sir Alan Sugar could take Donald Trump with one hand behind his<br />
bleedin'back.<br />
Alas, my honeymoon with Sir Alan is over with this latest series. The first sign of trouble<br />
was when he fired Karen as opposed to the seemingly more unstable (and, in the case of<br />
the task at hand, liable) Jo, for no better reason than her being a lawyer. But the real moment<br />
came when he told Syed that he held him '100"/" responsible' for a fiasco which<br />
led to them making a loss on their foodstall task ... and then fired Alexa.<br />
The maths of it left me bewildered. lf someone is '100o/o responsible' then why fire someone<br />
else? But then a friend of mine explained it to me. 'Sir Alan finds Syed entertaining,'<br />
he told me. 'He'll keep him around until the interviews or just before then, no matter how<br />
poorly he does on the task.' And my friend, who said that with no foreknowledge of how<br />
things would turn out, was proved to be absolutely right. And yet I didn't have to see how<br />
things played out to know that. Watching the first series of The Apprentice, the most mystifying<br />
firing of all (for me) was when SirAlan canned Miriam in favour of Paul. Miriam was<br />
exemplary in everything she did. Paul was a just shirty arse that amused Sir Alan.<br />
And thatt when I realized the truth aboutThe Apprentice.lt's the same truth I discovered<br />
when I worked forTrevor all those years ago. The goal of business is not to be profitable<br />
or exemplary in one's work. By that logic, Ruth should have been named Sir Alan's apprentice<br />
this year-she handily won the final task and over 12 episodes demonstrated<br />
way more leadership and business acumen than Michele. No, it's way more random and<br />
arbitrary than that. The goal of business is to please the one in charge.<br />
When I worked in London, the ultimate goal of my work was to please Trevor. And yes,<br />
you did that by making deals that made money (while not spending any of his money to<br />
do it), but a lot of it was random and arbitrary. For example, my immediate supervisor<br />
went through hell with Trevor (Trevor eventually fired him after I left) even though he<br />
actually did great work and gave more thorough attention to due diligence than anyone<br />
I know even today. But another senior manager had a worrying drinking problem,<br />
closed no deals, and seriously botched the firm's rebranding process, and that person is<br />
probably sti Il there today because they knew how to f latter Trevor's ego.<br />
And that's what Ihe Apprentice on both sides of the Atlantic comes down to: it's not<br />
about the tasks, it's about the ego of the boss and their funny little quirks. Get on the<br />
good side of that and there's no trouble, but woe betide you if you don't. I don't know<br />
if l'll watch series three based on my experience watching this season (even the documentary<br />
style was revealed to be fake: Michelle and Ruth learned who was hired at a<br />
lunch with Sir Alan and the on-camera hiring was purely for show). But if I do, l'll do it<br />
fully aware of who the star of this particular programme is. O<br />
the apprentice<br />
series two<br />
BBC<br />
sir alan sullar<br />
could take<br />
donald trump<br />
with one hand<br />
behind his<br />
bleedin'back<br />
Craeme Burk was the editor of<br />
movement in 1997-98. He now<br />
lives in Canada, where he works<br />
as communications coordinator for<br />
a youth organisation and watches<br />
loads of Btitish television sent to<br />
him from across the pond.<br />
B<br />
movement 29