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Movement 124

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the latest series<br />

of the a0prentice<br />

contains some<br />

lessons about the<br />

goals of business<br />

bosses and<br />

business<br />

Back when I edited movement, my day job was with a property development firm in<br />

Central London, putting together bids on privately-financed public works projects. I<br />

knew nothing about property, but I was hard-working and smart enough to pass.<br />

While he was a self-made man with a grammar school upbringing, my boss, Trevor, did<br />

not resemble Sir Alan Sugar in any other way. Trevor looked like Ronnie Corbett and he<br />

did whatever he could to distance himself from his roots, including working with the<br />

Prince of Wales on one of his pet architectural projects. Nonetheless, watching The Apprentice<br />

reminds me of the time I worked for him.<br />

Let me say first that I loved the first season of the BBC version of The Apprentice.l watch the<br />

American version with DonaldTrumpfairly regularly (it'stheonly realityTV lwatch), but I<br />

was so much more impressed with the achievement of its British counterpart. The tasks are<br />

real business tasks and not giant opportunities for product placemen! the candidates aren't<br />

airbrushed beautiful people but people you can imagine going out for a pint with; and while,<br />

like all US realityTV, the American Apprentice excises any trace of the camera, the British<br />

version seems more documentary-like, with mic packs and booms and reflections of the<br />

camera operator in the mirrors and an omniscient narrator guiding us through everything.<br />

And, let's face it, Sir Alan Sugar could take Donald Trump with one hand behind his<br />

bleedin'back.<br />

Alas, my honeymoon with Sir Alan is over with this latest series. The first sign of trouble<br />

was when he fired Karen as opposed to the seemingly more unstable (and, in the case of<br />

the task at hand, liable) Jo, for no better reason than her being a lawyer. But the real moment<br />

came when he told Syed that he held him '100"/" responsible' for a fiasco which<br />

led to them making a loss on their foodstall task ... and then fired Alexa.<br />

The maths of it left me bewildered. lf someone is '100o/o responsible' then why fire someone<br />

else? But then a friend of mine explained it to me. 'Sir Alan finds Syed entertaining,'<br />

he told me. 'He'll keep him around until the interviews or just before then, no matter how<br />

poorly he does on the task.' And my friend, who said that with no foreknowledge of how<br />

things would turn out, was proved to be absolutely right. And yet I didn't have to see how<br />

things played out to know that. Watching the first series of The Apprentice, the most mystifying<br />

firing of all (for me) was when SirAlan canned Miriam in favour of Paul. Miriam was<br />

exemplary in everything she did. Paul was a just shirty arse that amused Sir Alan.<br />

And thatt when I realized the truth aboutThe Apprentice.lt's the same truth I discovered<br />

when I worked forTrevor all those years ago. The goal of business is not to be profitable<br />

or exemplary in one's work. By that logic, Ruth should have been named Sir Alan's apprentice<br />

this year-she handily won the final task and over 12 episodes demonstrated<br />

way more leadership and business acumen than Michele. No, it's way more random and<br />

arbitrary than that. The goal of business is to please the one in charge.<br />

When I worked in London, the ultimate goal of my work was to please Trevor. And yes,<br />

you did that by making deals that made money (while not spending any of his money to<br />

do it), but a lot of it was random and arbitrary. For example, my immediate supervisor<br />

went through hell with Trevor (Trevor eventually fired him after I left) even though he<br />

actually did great work and gave more thorough attention to due diligence than anyone<br />

I know even today. But another senior manager had a worrying drinking problem,<br />

closed no deals, and seriously botched the firm's rebranding process, and that person is<br />

probably sti Il there today because they knew how to f latter Trevor's ego.<br />

And that's what Ihe Apprentice on both sides of the Atlantic comes down to: it's not<br />

about the tasks, it's about the ego of the boss and their funny little quirks. Get on the<br />

good side of that and there's no trouble, but woe betide you if you don't. I don't know<br />

if l'll watch series three based on my experience watching this season (even the documentary<br />

style was revealed to be fake: Michelle and Ruth learned who was hired at a<br />

lunch with Sir Alan and the on-camera hiring was purely for show). But if I do, l'll do it<br />

fully aware of who the star of this particular programme is. O<br />

the apprentice<br />

series two<br />

BBC<br />

sir alan sullar<br />

could take<br />

donald trump<br />

with one hand<br />

behind his<br />

bleedin'back<br />

Craeme Burk was the editor of<br />

movement in 1997-98. He now<br />

lives in Canada, where he works<br />

as communications coordinator for<br />

a youth organisation and watches<br />

loads of Btitish television sent to<br />

him from across the pond.<br />

B<br />

movement 29

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