2019 Edition vol6 Issue 23 DIGITAL

LETTERS
Ask Aunt Silvia
Good Day Aunt Silvia,
I am a regular reader of your
column; thank you for using
it to enlighten and empower
Africa and the rest of the
world. Our daughter has been
living with a man of her dream
for more than 10 years. They
have three kids, but they are
not yet officially married in
the traditional sense. Reason?
My husband has insisted the
husband-to-be must pay a
huge amount of money to us,
plus other items as a dowry.
The young man made it clear
he cannot afford the amount
and items demanded from
him. He also insisted he is
not buying our daughter, but
marrying her out of love. Our
daughter is in a dilemma; on
the one hand, she understands
that the father wants to
keep to the tradition, but
sometimes, the pressure from
other women and neighbours
can be too much for her.
They sometimes insult and
call her a “prostitute” for not
getting married traditionally
to the man. Even though
my daughter is happy with
him, she sometimes feels her
marriage is not “secure.” I
need your advice please, aunt
Silvia.
Akong ( Juba, South Sudan)
Dear Akong,
Thank you for your mail.
I share your concern.
Unfortunately, you did not
My husband insists our daughter’s husband-tobe
must pay a huge amount of money to us, plus
other items as a dowry. The young man made it
clear he cannot afford it.
indicate your position on
the issue. While I try to
understand your husband
who wants to stick to the
tradition, we must remember
that traditions are not static.
They are made by human
beings to fit their ways of life
and circumstances at a given
time and period of their lives.
Therefore, if these traditions
are “man-made,” they are
capable of being modified, I
think.
That said, I understand your
husband might not want to
give others the impression
that “his” daughter was not
“cheap.” Ironically, however,
by insisting on a high dowry
price from the prospective
son-in-law, he is automatically
making your daughter look
“Insisting on
a high dowry
price from the
prospective
son-inlaw,
he is
automatically
making your
daughter look
like a piece of
a property.”
like a piece of a property. Worse
still, that demand alone may
end up making her partner
treat her as his property – and
disrespectfully. You and your
husband need to sit down and
discuss this. Try to know from
your daughter how she feels
about the relationship and
whether her man treats her
Relationship Quotes
“The dowry that a
woman brings is like
a bell; every time she
passes by she hits you
with the clapper.”
― Armenian
Proverb
“It often happens,
that misery will
follow a marriage
when the dowry is
too large.”
― Decimius Magnus
Ausonius
well. Is she happy with him?
More importantly, there are
kids involved here. So the issue
is not just about your daughter
and her partner, but the future
of their kids as well.
I would suggest you find
a balance between the
tradition and a realistic look
at the present social changes.
Perhaps, asking for a symbolic
amount from the suitor would
make the whole parties happy,
while allowing you to still keep
to the tradition. Why don’t
you and your husband ask
the young man to bring any
amount he feels he is capable
of? That kind of gesture
would make the young suitor
feel accepted in your family;
more than that, it would lead
to a better understanding
between him and your
daughter in their marriage.
“Don’t search for a
shareholder,select a
life-partner.
That arrangement would make
your daughter to not feel like a
“prostitute” any more.
Remember, the fact that
your daughter now has
three kids with the partner
shows the seriousness of
their relationship. You and
your husband are not getting
younger. If you do not do
the right thing now that you
are alive, what stops your
daughter’s partner from
turning his back on the dowry
entirely when you are gone?
This is the time to make a wise
and quick decision, which will
make both parties involved
happy, without circumventing
the tradition. Both parties
deserve happiness. Good luck.
Yours,
Aunt Silvia
“Dowry the mask
of flowers hides a
terrorist’s face.
“Several lives
sacrificed for dowry,
stop this sacrilege.
Your better half
gives a better deal in
life, don’t deal with
dowry..
www.katakata.org
2019 Issue 23 Kata kata cartoon magazine
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