The Pearl 2020

before walking into the hospital.
Nate’s family, my family, and friends were all there. I cannot describe
the feeling of the ER waiting room, somewhere I’d been on a few
other occasions for less-serious reasons. My eyes traveled over the individuals,
either crying or comforting those who were crying. When they
landed on Olivia, the sister closest to me in age, the sister who’d found
her boyfriend unresponsive that morning, the sister who would discover
an engagement ring the following week, I knew I couldn’t possibly leave
after high school to travel the country. The fantasy died right along with
the friend who’d helped me come up with it.
~~~
Here I am at Coe three years later, doing my homework, working
three jobs to pay off money I’ve borrowed instead of sleeping under the
stars in Arizona, Montana, Maine, or anywhere else my wanderlust yearned
towards. I know what profession I want to go into, but there are many
times where I do not feel as prepared as a junior should be to pursue that
career.
I used to think I was a retreatant, a revolutionary, someone who
had ideas different from everyone else around me. I had an American
Dream unique to me, something I was proud of, something I came up
with through banter with one of my best friends. But life has since
turned me towards another path, and I have accepted the means and
goals of the world around me, but I still hope for otherwise.
Next time I’m home, I’ll call my boss and tell him I’m available to
work for a while. I hope to get a trip to Houston (that’s the one), or New
Hampshire, or Georgia: somewhere where it’s just me and the road, the road
and me.
20