The Pearl 2020

48
street crossing, right?
I line myself up on the bumps and listen. Fortunately, this time
around, I can’t hear any vehicles near me. I think I’m good to go, and I step
off the curb.
I walk quickly, cane tapping back and forth. It suddenly becomes apparent
that I’ve been walking longer than I should be. I pause slightly but
continue, thinking I’ve veered to the left and now I’m walking down the
street. I start to curve to the right, but suddenly there’s the sound of wheels,
and Jim’s grabbing me by the back of my coat. He yanks me back, and the
car passes in front of me. Confused, I hold onto Jim’s arm as he walks us
back to the curb where I started.
“What was that?” I say, heart pounding.
“You almost got hit by a car.”
No shit, I want to say. Instead, I manage to get out, “What?”
“You crossed two lanes. 1st Ave is six lanes.”
That’s what he told me last week. I had to listen for all six, not just the
two directly in front of me. As much as I want to be angry at Jim for watching
me walk onto an unsafe street, I’m more disappointed in myself. Every
failure is painful, every slip-up a blow to my self-confidence in my own ability
to walk by myself.
Jim can probably tell I’m upset, because he says, “Don’t worry. In all
the years I’ve been an O&M, not one of my students have been hit by a car,
and I don’t plan to start with you.”
Nobody gets hit by a car until they do. This thought reminds me of a
video I saw on YouTube. Blind people were asked what kind of fears they
had. One man said he was afraid of getting hit by a car. He’s been hit by two
already. “In the community, we say it’s not if you get hit by a car, it’s when.”
That wasn’t too comforting. I don’t want to get hit by a car once, let
alone two, three, or five times. I prefer my bones unbroken and my blood on
the inside, thank you very much.
“Jim, I don’t know if I’m ready to cross 1st Ave,” I say. My fear is replaced
with shame. I feel like a failure to myself, but I’m even more afraid of
letting Jim down.
“That’s perfectly fine,” Jim says. “I wouldn’t let you do something I