The Pearl 2020

as each person kissed him on the forehead. I finally followed their lead.
I never had a final conversation with my dad. I don’t remember the final
words he consciously spoke to me. He was already mute, aside from
mumbles, by the time I knew he was seriously sick. I didn’t get any last words,
but I did get a final moment as I placed my lips on his cool forehead.
We each wrapped up our moments and knew it was time to leave the
room. We walked out of the office into the living room, where Emma was
still attentively watching The Breakfast Club.
~~~
While EMTs took my dad’s body away my family stood out of view in
the kitchen. “It’s better we don’t see,” Mom had reassured me. Despite her
words, she stood at the edge of the galley kitchen peering towards the front
door. I followed her advice, my grandparents and I were standing deeper in
the small kitchen filling our plates with Chinese food, one of the many meals
that family friends I had never met purchased for us. As I scooped lo mein
noodles with my fork, I heard gurney wheels. I looked over my shoulder but
could only see Mom. Her eyes filled with tears that she blinked out slowly. I
put a crab Rangoon on my plate. My food was in the microwave as the
EMT’s left.
I don’t remember who took on the role of spreading the news of my
father’s death, but it had spread. My brothers showed up one by one, none of
them crying when they entered, but all with red eyes. They hugged me tightly,
their breath heavy, they moved to Mom and then my grandparents. My uncles
arrived, also offering hugs. People kept piling into our humble home, but
there wasn’t anything to do other than hug, cry, and sit in silence. The adults
and I all sat on furniture while my cousins and siblings spread out across the
floor.
After a few hours of sitting and reminiscing in each other’s company,
someone mentioned that they were exhausted.
I nodded in agreement, “I know, I feel dead.” The moment the words
left my mouth I realized what I had said. I wanted to take them back. “Never
mind.”
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