Focus on the Family Magazine - October/November 2020

scenarios:
CONFLICT / cOuPlES
Kid-in-Law Discord
When our children grow up and marry,
we hope they’ll choose someone they
love—and someone we like. Even
when they do, this means change for
all involved. So when conflicts arise,
remember that this is a time of transition.
Be patient as you adjust to the new
normal of family relationships. Here are
some tips:
Keep it positive. It’s OK to address frustrations
with a kid-in-law, but state your
concerns without name-calling, guilt
playing or character bashing. Don’t escalate
the conflict by making demands or
giving ultimatums.
If you’ve spoken your piece and
nothing changes, it’s time to hold your
tongue. Pray about the situation. Then
continue to give your kid-in-law grace
and show respect where you can.
Respect decisions. Although you may be
disappointed with where your childrenin-law
want to spend their time, you need
to respect their choices. Your children’s
allegiance now falls to their spouses—not
you. Though you might hope they’ll take
into consideration your desire to spend
time with them, you have to remember
that you and your spouse made your own
way when you were married. So respect
your kids’ decisions, even if their choices
disappoint you.
SHERILYN’S HEART SANK as she spoke to her son. “You’ve
missed almost every holiday with us since you’ve been married.
Surely Rosa can miss one Thanksgiving with her family.”
“Yeah, Mom, but it’s really important to her.”
It’s really important to us, too, Sherilyn thought. She had
reached out to Rosa to express how much she enjoyed her presence
and wanted to share a holiday with her, but Rosa didn’t
seem interested.
MATTHEW AND HIS WIFE, Emmy, didn’t like the way their
son-in-law barely looked up from his phone whenever they
were together. When they mentioned it, the conversation
didn’t go well.
ANN WAS A WIDOW and enjoyed visiting with her daughter,
but her son-in-law constantly dominated the conversation,
talking about whatever currently outraged him. Sometimes,
Ann just wanted to catch up on what was going on in their lives.
HOW YOU RESPOND may set a precedent
for how your future interactions will look. So “if possible,
so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all”
(Romans 12:18). This is especially true as it relates to
in-laws. It’s always best to remember that your in-laws
play a significant role in your spouse’s or child’s life.
Approaching a conflict with metaphorical guns
blazing isn’t going to win any battles. That means
you may need to refrain from speaking at times. And
when you do need to speak, before you say anything,
ask yourself, Will my words honor who this person is?
Being kind in your interactions will help you get along
as you develop your new normal together. •
Ginger Kolbaba is a speaker and bestselling author.
OctOber / NOvember 2020 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 17