Focus on the Family Magazine - October/November 2020

cOuPlES / CONFLICT
a cure for
in-law conflict
scenarios:
“MY SON NEVER had a problem with that until . . .” Though
Ella’s mother-in-law didn’t finish the sentence, Ella was only too
aware that she came after the “until.”
LILLY’S MOTHER-IN-LAW often dropped by unannounced.
One day she came over while Lilly was cleaning for a party
that evening. Lilly felt overwhelmed and stressed, and
afterward, she complained to her husband, who didn’t
understand the problem.
Learn how to defuse family friction
during the holiday season
BY GINGER KOLBABA
Parent-in-Law Problems
When you said “I do,” you gained a
whole new set of relatives. Conflict may
arise between you and your in-laws as
extended families adjust to new normals.
Here are some tips:
Communicate. Your parents-in-law
can’t read your mind. So with kindness,
explain how you feel when they imply
that you’re the problem. Often they’ll
understand. If they don’t, it’s time to find
a solution with your spouse.
Stand united. It’s important that a couple
sets their own family boundaries,
such as, “Before dropping by, please
phone or text.” When it’s necessary to
communicate a boundary to in-laws,
usually it’s better if a spouse presents it
to his or her own parents.
Allow different opinions. Your in-laws
may freely share their opinions, but
unsolicited comments can create conflict.
It can help to think of your in-laws’
opinions as just being different from
yours—not right or wrong. Remember,
you don’t have to agree with their opinions
or change to accommodate them.
JOY AND STEVE WERE GRATEFUL that Joy’s parents loved
spending time with their three children. But Steve dreaded the
continual parenting tips that Joy’s dad gave him. “It feels like he
thinks I’m doing everything wrong,” Steve complained.
If an in-law appears to be mentally mentally
unstable or coercive or coercive in his in or his her or
her relationships, consider consider talking talking to a
unstable
counselor. to a counselor. <strong>Focus</strong> <strong>Focus</strong> on the on Family the Family offers
a Canada one-time, offers complimentary a one-time, complimentartation
from consultation a Christian from perspective. a Christian
consul-
To perspective. reach a licensed To reach or our pastoral team counselor,
registered call 855-771-HELP counselors, call (4357) 1-800-
of
weekdays 661-9800 between weekdays 6 between a.m. and 8 a.m. p.m.
and Mountain 4 p.m. time. Pacific time.
FOTF / BRIAN MELLEMA
16
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
OctOber / NOvember 2020