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Victoria Phillips<br />
Love Song to Toxic Bonds<br />
Do not wonder if I miss you.<br />
Know that I do.<br />
But know to the deepest core of your knowing<br />
that this is because<br />
Dopamine responds most to intermittent rewards.<br />
Thus meaning,<br />
every soaring kiss and heated caress followed by<br />
each cruelty,<br />
bloody insult,<br />
bruise,<br />
piece of me<br />
smashed and torn in the narrow space<br />
between your control<br />
and your long, lovely fingers<br />
gnarled into a fist<br />
just made me crave you more.<br />
Do not wonder if I know this;<br />
I see clearly now.<br />
Adrenaline pumps<br />
harder than hard<br />
harder even than you<br />
when fear becomes familiar.<br />
A daily dose does more than humble,<br />
and horses are broken with less, my Love,<br />
than your daily provision.<br />
So I loved you<br />
and trembled in my horror alone.<br />
Do not wonder if I miss you.<br />
Know that I do.<br />
But you, I see clearly now,<br />
and I am too far gone<br />
to ever forget my knowing.<br />
92 WINDWARD REVIEW | Vol. 18
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