Experimental PDF flip book = Journal

Adrian, I can see you are keen to include emotion into the text and story and you’re on the
way to achieving this in writing for film. The challenge comes with writing visually which you
do well in a narrative form but need to show in writing for film.
Alternative ways to express and intensify or describe actions by using more impactful verbs
is necessary in scriptwriting. This will enable you to delete adverbs – words ending in “ly”. As
a result you will better convey to the director and actors the meaning and impact of
characters’ actions. Say exactly what and how they do things by your choice of strong,
visual, effective, verb.
p 2 his eyes dart around anxiously. –
The sound of dogs barking booms from somewhere deep in the house. Kurt clutches
the bag to his chest and his eyes dart around anxiously.
Dogs BARK inside the house.
Kurt clutches the bag.
He fidgets.
Distant BARKING.
Kurt grips the bag close.
He’s squirms.
p 5
p 6
He fidgets lightly…. – He fidgets. The bag remains closed.
The cat SHRIEKS, and then abruptly stops - … then SILENCE.
p 8 ….and forcefully changes the position of Ponytail’s grip… -
… wrenches Pony tail’s hand.
p 9 and pummels Kurt in the ribs with the mallet, CRACKING them loudly.
Cracking them loudly or cracked ribs in this situation is not visible on film, but Kurt’s
reaction is. What does he do? What will the Audience see and hear?
p 9 Dogs are barking loudly. – BARKS are loud. No need to mention the dogs again
and we know that dogs bark.
p 9 Suddenly, Darrel begins screaming and clawing at his eyes.
You cannot visually show begin, begins, beginning to. A character either does an
action of doesn’t do something. (See following note for further examples)
- Darrel screams.
He claws his eyes
p 9 Kurt desperately tries the handle on every door he finds, but they’re all locked.
Kurt rushes from door to door.
He struggles with the handles.
Doors remain shut.