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La Vache Qui Rit
The Laughing Cow Written by Ala’a Al Qaisi
Feedback comments for Ala’a from Stephanie Wotzke – 13/7/2020
Hello Ala’a,
Thank you for sending me your Family Drama feature film script. It was a pleasure to
read and I’m looking forward to seeing its further development.
You have beautifully conveyed Hadeel’s story of overcoming her self-consciousness
about her vitiligo a young woman’s experience of coming to terms with events of her
past that concealed the truth about her medical condition. The three act structure is
well chosen. Hadeel’s torment – her embarrassment about her skin discoloration is
resolved at the end, when transformation from low self-esteem to her selfacceptance
occurs. Her journey fulfils the goal of a successful Three Act structure
and character arc.
It is clear from the onset that Hadeel has a strong bond with grandmother, Um Al
Abed, which is maintained till the end of the story probably due to the
protagonist’s good nature and maybe the respect generally of her grandmother’
household. Act 1 successfully establishes this relationship and also sets up the
challenges Hadeel has with vitiligo.
I feel though, that Act 3 is an opportunity for you to better show audiences that
Hadeel’s initial positive relationship with grandmother deteriorates. This change is
important given that Hadeel realizes that the elderly woman she has trusted for
years has hidden secret.
In Act 3 Hadeel’s own mother would also feel betrayed by the elderly woman..
After all, she is the wedge that came between Hadeel and herself. I expect there
would be resentment, from them both of them and you need to show this
because their lives were so negatively affected by the old woman. I think these
point needs to be emphasized.
Throught the story but particularly in Act 3, could also more effectively focus on
the three dimensionality of characters. For example, how will Hadeel and her
mother resolve their differences? What hostilities do they both hold towards the
old woman? How does the family conflict affect Hadeel’s pregnant sister in law
and her husband? A glimmer Act 3 re-established relationships with enhance the
story and additionally show the growth in the secondary characters’ arcs.
The tone and pace of the story are attributes consistent with the ups and downs
of family tensions. Keep in mind though that increased conflict especially
between the women will shake the foundations of security Hadeel experiences in
Act 1 and 2. Her gold goal for personal and family acceptance needs to become
increasingly difficult. Possible changes will give you the opportunity to use
Hadeel’s sister in law as an adversary. Her role has no real significance.
Times in the story where this could be implemented include when Hadeel announces
her engagement or during conversations between Marwa and Hadeel regarding
pregnancy and the role Hadeel might play in the Marwa’s baby’s life
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