CCChat-Magazine_Issue-27-Survivors-Speak

S: The problem is, I have found very
few professionals who understand
coercive control. I had contact with
multiple lawyers and mental health
professionals and I don’t think they
really understood what was happening
to me - and I’m in London.
M: That’s really scary and doesn’t bode
well for the more rural areas.
S: I have to say that psychologists don’t
necessarily put themselves out there as
knowing this area however they run
into it a lot and they don’t quite
understand what that means.
M: Yes, I see that a lot.
I find it hugely frustrating that too
often seeing cases of domestic abuse is
equated with understanding the
dynamics of it.
S: Absolutely. I’m just thinking of my
own experience of going to see a
psychologist after my separation, who
was supposedly very good, very well
known, charged quite a lot of money
and in the end this professional was
taken into my ex-partner’s view. He
thought we were both unreasonable
hurt people. This was not an
uncommon assumption. One thing I’ve
learnt is to always believe people.
Whenever I have a client come to me, I
inevitably find they’re right. I agree
that when you think you know
everything as a professional that is a
very dangerous position.
M: I now think that if a professional
you have instructed doesn't 'get' what
you're saying, they are not right for you
and find someone else.
S: There are so few resources. The
women’s organisations are completely
stretched and so where do people go
for that specialist knowledge? Also
many of the therapists are still in
training so they are still learning and
there is a limit to their understanding.
M: That’s true. I’ve seen that a lot and
although the support is better than
nothing, I sometimes wonder if it is
adequate and certainly if it is
specialised enough.
S: There was a complete lack of
understanding and knowledge of
where to get on-going professional
mental health support. I have a
running joke with people that no
amount of CBT is going to get that
abuser out of your life, it’s like you can
do all the internal work you want but
it’s not going to be exactly what you
need – that understanding of the
dynamics of abuse and what’s exactly
happening and the power and the
control. You need that to make sense
of that to move forward.
Making The Invisible Visible