CCChat-Magazine_Issue-27-Survivors-Speak

M: And those are massive red flags for
anyone to watch out for. Listening to
you, I’ve remembered another massive
red flag - all of his exes had cheated on
him, all his ex-wives were violent to
him, he had to call the police on
several of his relationships. I
remember him telling me that the first
girlfriend he lived with, he called the
police because he said she had been
violent. It turns out that she had
returned home late and he had locked
her out and thrown all of her stuff out
of the window and when she couldn’t
get her key to work, to try and get back
into her own home, and she started
banging on the door, he called the
police on her claiming she was violent
M: And that’s a massive red flag, if
they go on about how awful their exes
are, and, and how badly they've been
treated. That's arguably the biggest red
flag and one that often comes up on
the first date.
S: Yeah, absolutely. When we first met,
when it was still the honeymoon
period, and everything is so exciting
and so new, I was oblivious to what
was happening and fell hook line and
sinker for everything he said.
M: It trains you into being not like the
other women and you find yourself
biting your tongue and not saying
anything because this poor guy’s had
"He had three children with three different women..None of them would
let him see his child, because they were all bitches and then you think,
oh no, how awful, what a shame, and then I learned why."
and going to attack him. At the time I
did not see this as a huge red flag. He
was there, voice shaking and in tears
and I just felt really sorry for this guy. I
couldn’t believe how unlucky he was to
have met all these awful women.
S: Yes, They groom you into that early,
I feel. It was exactly the same, he had
three children with three different
women and they were all bitches and
they had all cheated on him. None of
them would let him see his child,
because they were all bitches and then
you think, oh no, how awful, what a
shame, and then I learned why.
M: And then you became an extra
bitch.
S: I was just going to say that, then I
became a bitch as well.
so much to cope with and you don't
want to give him extra. It's about time
he had a nice relationship and you
couldn't possibly say something or do
anything that might cause him
concern, so you end up bottling up an
awful lot. He's doing all these things,
but you feel you can’t say anything,
because it feels really petty, and it
builds up. Thinking back, these things
weren't petty at all. The good thing is
that we are both out of that now. What
are you up to these days?
S: I started working as a part time
admin in October 2019, for a local
family run business. I had found it
quite difficult as a single parent. to get
back into the workplace because even
though people thought I was confident,
I didn't have a lot of self-esteem or
self-confidence but I really wanted to
Making The Invisible Visible