Ireland's big issue

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Jokes Because laughter is the best medicine! The Santa Claus at the shopping centre was very surprised when Emily, a young lady aged about 20 walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ ‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Emily sweetly. ‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What would you like me to bring her?’ Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, ‘A son-in-law.’ Jennifer was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy. Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section. ‘How much is this gold tinsel garland’. The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, ‘This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre’. ‘Wow, that’s great’, said Jennifer, ‘I’ll take 12 metres’. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Jennifer. She then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said, ‘My Grandpa will settle the bill.’ It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any <strong>big</strong>ger?’ ‘No, madam, ‘he replied, ‘they’re all dead.’ Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away. ‘Okay.’ said his father ‘I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your A-Level grades up to A’s and B’s, study your Bible and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.’ A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said ‘I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your Bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet. Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. ‘Look dad. In the course of my Bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.’ ‘Yes. I’m aware of that...’ replied his father ‘... but did you also notice they walked wherever they went? 44 Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the Nativity Story out of the <strong>big</strong> family Bible. When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was. I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, “It’s Something like your sister’s room, but without a stereo.” The 4 stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus 3. You dress up as Santa Claus 4. You look like Santa Claus How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive”? Olive? Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names” . What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney? “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...”
RRP €4.50 Discount Corner Available in Health Food Shops Nationwide An Independent Irish Company Est. 1984 www.atlanticaromatics.com 45
Page 1: Digital Edition Dec 2021 Is 270 Vol
Page 4 and 5: Wishing all a Happy Christmas and P
Page 8 and 9: Issues: Life Homeless at Christmas
Page 10 and 11: There were Christmas lights everywh
Page 12 and 13: André Rieu “My Most Favourite Ti
Page 14 and 15: Simon Reeve: “Human beings are th
Page 16 and 17: who is in a dark place, they have t
Page 18 and 19: Home Alone - It's That Time of Year
Page 20 and 21: made up new child-friendly swear wo
Page 24 and 25: TEATIME c.1900, Glencar, Co. Leitri
Page 26 and 27: Ian Bailey In his own words: Part I
Page 28 and 29: would contain. What I read sent a d
Page 30 and 31: Facebook, Instagram and within a ve
Page 32 and 33: Fancy getting your hands on one of
Page 34 and 35: Issues: Historical Kate Tyrrell: Th
Page 36 and 37: Screen Scene Red Notice *** Starrin
Page 38 and 39: Irish Homeless Street Leagues (IHSL
Page 40 and 41: Issues: New Book Releases Patricia
Page 46: @ Is í ár dteanga féin í. It’

Ireland's big issue

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?