Island Parent Fall 2023

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LEARN Setting Kids Up for Success at School Relationships are crucial for human development. It’s attachment that tethers us together and it’s our greatest need: to belong, to be “gotten,” to love, to feel significant and to feel sameness. Parents can start by taking responsibility to preserve the relationship so children can let go and be themselves. When we meet the attachment and dependency needs of our kids, they emerge as viable, separate beings. How? • Help children feel safe at home to experience all their big feelings. When home is an easy place to have their tears, kids are better able to navigate mistakes, failures and disappointments—for example, not getting the red crayon or not getting to play with a friend at recess. • Encourage play so kids may naturally work through worries and stresses while expressing and discharging big feelings. Settling back into the routine of school is a big transition for kids (and parents). Make space for all the feelings—excitement, anxiety, worry, frustration. Keep your after-school activities simple. Hopefully now you’re settled into the new routine and have come to terms with saying goodbye to your summer selves. Prioritize time for rest and play. • Ensure proper sleep. Sleep is restorative. If you must wake your child in the morning, they aren’t getting enough sleep. • Eat well. Healthy diets can help prevent “hangry” kids. • Establish routines. Routines can help kids feel connected because they know how the day will unfold. • Take charge of health, safety, boundaries, and support good decision making. Set limits with confidence so children can rest in knowing we’ll take care of them. • Understand that upset is normal and take responsibility for preserving your relationship with your child. • Lead with empathy, delight in your child, allow them to exist in your presence and don’t take things personally. Parents will likely have a range of feelings about “Will my child behave in school?” And “What can we do to set them up for success?” According to psychologist and author Gordon Neufeld, there are six traits of well-behaved children that can’t be taught and must be grown. 1. Children should want to be good for the people they are attached to and resist orders from those they are not. 12 Island Parent Magazine IslandParent.ca
2. Children are easily alarmed. A healthy alarm system moves a child to caution and makes them conscientious and concerned about their actions. 3. Children feel futility. They can adapt to not getting their way, accept another’s decision and adjust to the limits and restrictions in their life. 4. Children are appropriately attached to adults. These adults are role models and share similar values. 5. Children are well intentioned. They can form their own goals and agendas. 6. Children are well tempered. They have self-control. They can think twice! (This needs prefrontal brain integration which doesn’t happen until 5-7 years old and later for sensitive kids.) Kids are teachable because they have a fulfilling relationship with someone. Parents can help attach their child to the teacher who will be their compass. We can play matchmaker! “When kids see that their parents like their school and teacher, it can go a long way to helping them trust their adults at school, says clinical counsellor and author Dr. Deborah MacNamara. • AN ENGAGING EDUCATION • AN INCLUSIVE COMMUNITY • BEFORE AND AFTER-SCHOOL CARE ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR 2024 Play is NOT work. There is no outcome. It’s ‘a spontaneous activity that cannot Christ Church Cathedral School Victoria’s Anglican School for Jr. K – Grade 8 be taught or commanded.’ – Dr. Gordon Neufeld www.cathedralschool.ca | 250-383-5125 “Parents need to take an active role and play matchmaker with the teacher by speaking with warmth about the teacher, conveying trust in them, orienting them to the school culture and rules and ensuring that the relationship with their teacher stays on track,” adds MacNamara. “Kids do best when adults take the lead in introducing them to the people that will take care of them. It provides both security and a sense of rest so that the focus can go towards learning.” Create and seize opportunities to matchmake your child to their teacher and their wider school community. Get to know your school community • Find your school Parent Advisory Council (PAC) social media page or other platforms to connect and inform families. • Attend school events. • Join the PAC! Everyone can find a meaningful way to contribute. Volunteering is a great way to meet other parents, contribute to school culture and offer hands-on help. Cultivating even one or two important connections will go a long way. Lindsay Coulter is a writer, educator, facilitator, naturalist, community catalyst, soul activist, mentor, and dedicated mother of two. She’s the Director of Communications, Culture and Community at EPIC Learning Centre, a forest and nature school in Victoria. Find her @SaneAction on Instagram and Facebook. IslandParent.ca Fall 2023 13
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Island Parent Fall 2023

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