PSYCHOMANIPULATION - Tomasz Witkowski

he is likely to back down rather than face the prospect of interrupting discussions and postponing
the signing of a contract. This type of concession is obtained by invoking a “hard-hearted” and often
“invisible” partner. If at this moment we were to insist on a meeting with the boss, the manipulating
party would probably start to make excuses, for example that the boss has just gone out or is
inaccessible for some other reason. Finally, if he is equally determined to reach an agreement, he
may eventually back down, “but the boss won’t like it”.
A wife, boss, partner or sometimes even an imaginary person can all play the role of a hard-
hearted partner. It is not possible for us to back down or to make a decision, because what will our
hard-hearted partner say? Sometimes even an abstraction can represent the hard-hearted partner –
We would like to compromise on this point, but our company policy doesn’t allow it. An impersonal
hard-hearted partner has the advantage that whereas we can demand to see a boss, it would be
difficult to react to “company policy” by demanding a meeting with it. We could however ask who
is responsible for such a policy or who could influence it, and then demand a meeting with that
person. I personally have also encountered a price list, a computer or a computer program in the role
of a hard-hearted partner; it would be difficult to conduct a discussion with any of them.
At first sight it would appear that this technique is best suited for people who are working
under somebody else. However, I have seen it used by company directors and CEOs, who covered
themselves by referring to their hard-hearted accountant, or financial director, or even trade unions.
This technique is indeed a very widely used one. The hard-hearted partner is nothing other than the
polystyrene wardrobe of our story. It represents a form of indirect refusal, and sometimes appears
as typical non-assertive behaviour. Of course, we do have to bear in mind that our negotiating
partner may indeed have a difficult boss, or a temperamental wife at home; it is, therefore, not
always beneficial to take a schematic approach to such situations. It is up to us, depending on our
ability to analyse and evaluate the situation, to decide whether we are dealing with a fact or just a
negotiating ploy.
All or nothing
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Sometimes you have to know how far you can go too far.
Tristan Bernard