THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL : THE DEFINITIVE EDITION ... - Fidele

Everyone thinks I'm showing off when I talk, ridicu lous when I'm silent, insolent
when I answer, cunning when I have a good idea, lazy when I'm tired, selfish
when I eat one bite more than I should, stupid, cowardly, calculating, etc., etc.
All day long I hear nothing but what an exasperating child I am, and although I
laugh it off and pretend not to mind, I do mind. I wish I could ask God to give
me another personality, one that doesn't antagonize everyone.
But that's impossible. I'm stuck with the character I was born with, and yet I'm
sure I'm not a bad person. I do my best to please everyone, more than they'd ever
suspect in a million years. When I'm upstairs, I try to laugh it off because I
don't want them to see my troubles.
More than once, after a series of absurd reproaches, I've snapped at Mother: "I
don't care what you say. Why don't you just wash your hands of me -- I'm a
hopeless case." Of course, she'd tell me not to talk back and virtually ignore
me for two days. Then suddenly all would be forgotten and she'd treat me like
everyone else.
It's impossible for me to be all smiles one day and venomous the next. I'd rather
choose the golden mean, which isn't so golden, and keep my thoughts to myself.
Perhaps sometime I'll treat the others with the same contempt as they treat me.
Oh, if only I could.
Yours, Anne
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1943
Dearest Kitty,
Though it's been ages since I've written to you about the squabbles, there's
still no change. In the begin ning Mr. Dussel took our soon-forgotten clashes very
seriously, but now he's grown used to them and no longer tries to mediate.
Margot and Peter aren't exactly what you'd call "young"; they're both so quiet and
boring. Next to them, I stick out like a sore thumb, and I'm always being told,
"Margot and Peter don't act that way. Why don't you follow your sister's
example!" I hate that.
I confess that I have absolutely no desire to be like Margot. She's too weakwilled
and passive to suit me; she lets herself be swayed by others and always
backs down under pressure. I want to have more spunk! But I keep ideas like
these to myself. They'd only laugh at me if I offered this in my defense.
During meals the air is filled with tension. Fortunately, the outbursts are
sometimes held in check by the "soup eaters," the people from the office who come
up to have a cup of soup for lunch.
This afternoon Mr. van Daan again brought up the fact that Margot eats so little.
"I suppose you do it to keep your figure," he added in a mocking tone.
Mother, who always comes to Margot's defense, said in a loud voice, "I can't stand
that stupid chatter of yours a minute longer."
Mrs. van D. turned red as a beet. Mr. van D. stared straight ahead and said
nothing.
Still, we often have a good laugh. Not long ago Mrs. van D. was entertaining us