Music is My Whole Life - World Federation of Music Therapy

Music Therapy Today 

Vol. VII (2) (July) 2006 

“Music is My Whole Life” 

- The many meanings of 

music in addicts’ lives 

Horesh, Tsvia 

This article is based upon a paper given at the INTERNATIONAL 

SYMPOSIUM 

sponsored by the Laurier Centre for Music Therapy Research 

(LCMTR) 

"MUSIC:The Royal Road to the Unconscious: Researching Unconscious 

Dimensions in Music Therapy" 

Introduction 

May 13-15, 2005, Waterloo, Ontario, Canada 

http://www.wlu.ca/soundeffects/symposium/2005/ 

I would like to introduce the people who contributed to my research and 

who’s personal stories of the music in their lives are interwoven in the 

following paper. All my interviewees agreed to be presented in my 

research, using pseudonyms, so as to protect their identity. 

297

Horesh, T. (2006) “Music is My Whole Life” - The many meanings of music in addicts’ lives. Music Therapy Today 

(Online) Vol.VII (2) 291-317. available at http://musictherapyworld.net 

PREFACE 

Here are some of their comments on the importance of music in their 

lives: 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Sasha (age 25) “... the music never leaves me. Music is always with 

me” 

Dima (age 24) “ I can’t imagine my life without music. I see my life 

and my music always together” 

Yelena (age 28) “ I’m always with music. I live in it” 

Nahum (age 43) “I have a relationship with that word – music” 

Ella (age 29) “Music was like drugs” 

Zohar (age 20) “If I had to go stay on a desert island , and I could take 

either my music or my girlfriend – I would take my music. 

Boris (28) “I grew up with those songs” 

Yonatan (32) “It’s amazing how the music is half and half – with some 

of the experiences, like milestones …on my way down, with the 

drugs. 

When I first started to work with addicts, 10 years ago, in various rehab. 

centers, my thoughts on addicts and the kinds of music they listen to – 

were quite stereotypical. But as time went by, I learned that above and 

beyond the kind of music addicts may listen to, it’s important to investi- 

gate the quality of the relationship many of them form with their music – 

whether it’s electronic music, Russian criminal songs or Janis Joplin. I 

have come to the conclusion that music therapy with addicts should 

include, among other things, working with the music in their lives. The 

music, in therapy, then changes from being a means – to becoming the 

goal. In our music therapy groups we listen to, discuss, negotiate and re- 

evaluate the music the addicts listened to in their drug-using past, and 

their present period of therapy and rehab. For many of the people these 

sessions enable a first time opportunity to examine their relationship 

with music, in the secure and containing environment of the group; what 

emotions it evokes, what memories and life-stories it awakens. How it 

defines their personal, social and ethnic identity; how they use music in 

their daily life; how their music relates to their drug abuse and what dan- 

Introduction 

298



gers or risks it holds for them; how music can function as a source of 

relaxation, joy and well being. 

Drug addicts, addiction and rehabilitation treatment 

I want to stress that this paper relates specifically to drug addicts, who 

have undergone treatment in the therapeutic community treatment model. 

The phenomenon of addiction to a variety of substances and behaviors is 

widespread; and there are numerous methods of treatment for addicts. 

Both are beyond the scope of this paper. 

My clients are chronic substance abusers, undergoing a yearlong, inpa- 

tient treatment program in the Ramot-Yehuda - Zoharim therapeutic com- 

munity, in Israel. Men and women, aged 19-50, with a history of drug 

abuse lasting between 2 to 30 or 40 years. The majority have lived a life 

of crime and spent time in prison, usually as a result of drug abuse, sell- 

ing drugs, thefts, violence and prostitution. Many come from multi-prob- 

lem families, with a history of various addictions, life in crime ridden 

neighborhoods and easily accessible drugs. 

Our clients have abused a wide variety of addictive substances - euphoric 

(cocaine and amphetamines); sedative (heroin, methadone, alcohol, ), 

psychedelic (L.S.D., ecstasy, cannabis); psychiatric medications. The 

factors directing ones' choice of drugs are dependent upon age and popu- 

larity among peer group, geographical and ethnic background, and per- 

sonality and biochemical makeup (Knipe, E. 1995). 

40% of our clients are immigrants from the former Soviet Union, living 

in Israel for 15 years or less. The rest are Israeli born with a majority of 

Jews, and usually 5-10% Christian and Moslem Arabs. 


299



THERAPEUTIC 

COMMUNITY 

CULTURE OF 

ADDICTION 

The basic ideology of the therapeutic community is one of inclusive, 

drug free, therapeutic care for the addict, as an individual and as a mem- 

ber of society. This ideology is based on the assumption that drug depen- 

dency is a mix of educational, psycho social, medical, emotional, 

spiritual and psychological factors, all of which must be addressed by 

treatment. It incorporates both psychodynamic and behavior-modifica- 

tion methods in an effort to relate to the complexity of the issues of 

addiction. 

Addiction can be looked upon as a psychological or medical pathology, 

but it is also a cultural phenomenon and a culture in itself. The aim of 

treatment is to assist the addicts in leaving this culture and entering the 

culture of recovery. It is a long and difficult journey. 

In his book " Pathways from the Culture of Addiction to the Culture of 

Recovery", 

William White ( 1996) 

writes about the role the culture of 

addiction plays in sustaining addiction, regardless of the etiology that led 

to the initiation of the person-drug relationship. And, in the late stages of 

addiction, the culture of addiction can pose the largest obstacle for clients 

entering the recovery process. 

The culture of addiction is a way of life: a way of talking, thinking, 

behaving and relating to others, that separates substance abusers from 

those who are not. The culture encompasses values, places, rituals, sym- 

bols and music - all of which reinforce one's involvement in excessive 

drug consumption. A particular client may have initially started to abuse 

drugs in order to deal with emotional trauma, but it is clear that his addic- 

tion has shaped every aspect of his lifestyle, and that all these aspects 

must be examined in the recovery process. Many addicts have found it 

easier to break the physiological relationship with their drug than to 


300



break their relationship with the culture in which the drug was used. The 

failure to break the cultural relationship often precedes relapse. 

Some of our younger clients cannot perceive their social life without 

pubs, clubs and rave parties - all sites where drugs and alcohol are con- 

sumed, all `danger zones' for the recovering addict. They cannot imagine 

going to a rock concert or party without taking - or drinking - something 

that will enhance their enjoyment of the music and enable them to feel 

part of the crowd. 

Contemporary psychodynamic theories also recognize that much of the 

psychological dysfunction displayed by addicts is the result of drug abuse 

rather than the cause. It seems that some aspects of personality disorders 

apparent in addicts' behavior have developed secondarily as a conse- 

quence of substance abuse, whereas others are primary and stem from the 

interaction of early developmental wounds and experiences, with biolog- 

ical predisposition (Kaufman, 1994). The addict is a person with an 

unstable personality without inner sources to deal with daily pressures. 

The drugs enable him to deal with frustration, to disassociate from an 

oppressive and demanding reality. 

Experiences with clients and my step into research 

My clients relationships with music were a well kept secret – something 

they all knew about, discussed among themselves but rarely brought to 

the music therapy groups. The fact is that this subject didn’t come up (or 

at least I wasn’t aware that it came up) in the first few years of working 

with addicts. I knew that they listened to music a lot, in their free time. 

My impression ( based on hearsay and the sounds coming from their 

rooms) was that “they” listened to a lot a rave music, Russian rock and 

popular music, and Israel Mediterranean music, particularly songs whose 


301



lyrics and music evoke feelings of melancholy and despair. All music 

that I personally wasn’t acquainted with, and truthfully – at that time – 

wasn’t very interested to be acquainted with. I also felt that their music 

listening was a very passive activity, something that connected to the pas- 

sivity of drug using. It wasn’t something I wished to introduce to the 

music therapy groups. 

I felt it was more appropriate to enable opportunities for creative music 

making – singing and instrumental improvisation, vocal work – activities 

which could awaken hidden strengths, enhance body-emotion connec- 

tion, non-verbal expression and social interactions. I felt that the groups 

were beneficial for my clients, and preferred to “let sleeping lions lie” – 

as it later turned out. 

A chance conversation with a small group of clients – changed every- 

thing. To my supposedly naive question: what kinds of music do they like 

to listen to, they each spoke about music-related relapses – returning to 

drug use after periods of abstinence, or increased use , which they related 

to the specific music they listened to. One of the women characterised the 

music of her favorite rock band as “dangerous music”. I felt that this 

conversation was a turning point, almost an initiation into a secluded 

group that held important information, unrevealed until now. My clients 

also felt that this was a special moment, and expressed relief that some- 

one was interested in this acute problem, which had never been addressed 

in therapy programs they had attended in the past. 

This conversation began a process which started with my delving into the 

different genres of music, the very ones I had tried to avoid. I began lis- 

tening to heavy metal, Russian rock and criminal songs, trance and elec- 

tronic music, Israeli Mediterreanean songs – much to the joy and 

consternation of my own teenagers, who, together with their music 


302



minded friends, immediately stepped in to help. My interest in ethnomu- 

sicology was rekindled upon discovering that popular music of all kinds 

is researched by this field. I discovered fascinating musical, cultural, his- 

torical and personal realms that were new to me. 

The process continued with my introducing the subject to the music ther- 

apy groups. My first impressions were that while some of my clients 

enjoyed listening to their music in the groups and saw it as a pleasant 

pastime, others presented their relationship with music as one of their life 

obsessions, and spoke about it with the same passion or embarrassment 

usually used when speaking about their drug use. 

Choosing methodology 

This was my incentive to research – I myself began to feel overwhelmed 

by the many faceted meanings of music that I was beginning to detect in 

my clients lives. I was driven to understand the many different forces I 

felt were lurking behind this phenomena. I decided to conduct formal 

research, as a M.A. research student in the Hebrew University, in order to 

understand the many meanings music has in the lives of drug addicts. 

After deciding upon qualitative research, with analysis of narrative inter- 

views, I thought it would be interesting to interview addicts I didn’t per- 

sonally know. So I phoned all the social workers I knew who worked in 

the field, hoping for referrals. I told them I was looking for those clients 

who had a passion for music. Not one social worker could think of any 

appropriate clients, apart from one who had played in a band… 

I began to think that maybe the whole idea was in my imagination. I 

knew that my clients could be manipulative and compliant – were these 

stories of the music in their lives something they told me to fulfill my 


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NARRATIVE 

INTERVIEWS 

needs, telling me what they felt I wanted to hear? Or was I the first thera- 

pist actually interested in this aspect of their lives, which was, until now, 

just one more of their underground activities, not something one tended 

to share with their social worker? I put the question to one of my inter- 

viewees, who said : when you have one hour a week with your social 

worker, and your life is falling apart, you want to use drugs – you’re not 

going to talk to her about music. But that doesn’t mean its not a very 

important part of my life. 

I then decided to interview addicts that I personally knew, that had partic- 

ipated in my groups in the 2 therapeutic communities I worked in. It 

wasn’t difficult to choose: those clients that lingered in the room, after 

the group was over, to tell me about their passion for certain kinds of 

music; or expressed strong disinterest in any music but their own. 

All the people I approached in my request to interview them, agreed on 

the spot, even though I suggested that they take time to think about it. My 

feeling, strengthened by things said in the interviews, was that they saw 

the interview as a chance for personal attention from me (all our thera- 

peutic work had been in groups), a chance to talk about, and gain deeper 

understanding of their relationship with music, and contribute to the 

understanding of people like them (many of them expressed surprise that 

the “university professors” were at all interested in this subject) 

My relationship with all interviewees, and knowledge of the culture of 

addiction and recovery, enabled a natural introduction into the data col- 

lecting stage of the research. I felt that our former mutual experiences, in 

the music therapy groups and other common activities in the therapeutic 

community’s life, made for a common language and relaxed atmosphere 

in all the interviews. Most of them, unavoidably, included discussions 


304



MUSIC LISTENING 

DURING DRUG USE 

which were beyond the scope of the interview’s objective, such as per- 

sonal therapeutic and rehabilitation themes . 

My research orientation is situated on a junction where music therapy, 

popular music studies, sociology of music and psychology of music – 

and theories related to addiction - converge. 

I am presently analyzing the material gleaned from the 8 interviews. I 

would like to present some of my preliminary findings, according to the 

main categories I have found, with the relevant theoretical context. 

All the interviews were held in Hebrew. In translating the quotations 

from the interviews, some of the cultural aspects of slang and addiction 

jargon – were lost. I didn’t try to use the English equivalents of addiction 

jargon, which is so very typical of social class, geography and ethnicity. I 

hope that the authenticity of the quotations will be preserved even so. 

In order to better understand the context of the following quotations, I 

will again introduce my research subjects, this time through the prism of 

the substances they abused. 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Nahum: 

alcohol, cannabis and heroin 

Yonatan: 

ecstasy, L.S.D., cannabis, heroin and crack-cocaine 

Ruth: 

alcohol, ecstasy, L.S.D., cannabis, heroin and crack-cocaine 

Zohar: 

ecstasy, L.S.D. 

Yelena: 

alcohol, cannabis, heroin 

Sasha: 

heroin 

Dima: 

ecstasy, L.S.D., heroin 

Boris: 

occasional alcohol and ecstasy, heroin 

Results and Discussion 

From the narratives we can discern 3 general stages: 


305



1. “falling in love” - the first years of drug use, during which music and 

drugs enhance each other , and their joining enables experiences of 

wholeness, joy and transcendence. 

2. the “dark shadow-guide” – when music plays a part in the downhill 

path to depression and intense drug abuse. 

3. indifference to music - when the addict looses interest in music. 

st 

1 stage:“falling in love”. 

Nahum: 

“ Pink Floyd is something I would listen to only when I 

was under the influence of drugs…to be high, to connect better to 

the music” 

Yonatan: 

“ …the first time I took ecstasy, we were listening to 

some c.d….. it was so connected to the music. My attention was 

half on the “exta”, and without noticing – half on the music and 

my imagination…it was half the drug and half the music. I think 

that if I was in the same situation, but without the music, it would 

be something totally different…I don’t think I would have 

enjoyed it as much…all the psychedelic drugs – they need music. 

" 

Research on the effects of psychedelic drugs on music perception con- 

firm Nahum’s and Yonatan’s experiences. Cannabis, for example, can act 

as a mild psychedelic drug. Joerg Fachner (2002) has found that cannabis 

induces a subjective time expansion, enabling a temporary increased 

insight into the “space between the notes”. High frequencies and over- 

tones are perceived more consciously. Fachner suggests that perhaps can- 

nabis acts as a psycho-acoustic enhancer, enabling a intensified and 

broadened experience of the musical time space. 

DeRios (2003) wrote about shamanic rituals using music in combination 

with hallucinogenic substances – different, but still similar, to our sub- 

ject. She suggests that once the biochemical effects of the hallucinogenic 

drug alter the user's perception, the music operates as a "jungle gym" for 

the person's consciousness during the drug state and provides a series of 

pathways and banisters through which the drug user negotiates his way. 

So it seems that not only does the music enhance the drug experience, it 


306



also provides a necessary anchor for those traveling through the “doors of 

perception” (borrowing Huxley’s title, 1954) 

So far I have described experiences recognized by all who have listened 

to music under the influence of psychedelic substances. This is the stage 

I called “falling in love”, which many of our clients talk about with a 

yearning for the times their drug use was an enjoying pastime. 

nd 

2 stage: The dark shadow guide. As the drug abuse intensifies, cer- 

tain types of music may become a kind of guide to the fall into uncon- 

trolled drug use and self abuse. 

Yelena:” 

There were situations where the music of Grazhdanskaya 

Abarona1 

seemed to attack me…all the harm I did to 

myself – was with the music. It was during drugs, and depression 

and alcohol…I listened to that music and it was as if somebody 

was sitting and talking to me…and saying that everything is 

wrong and bad and there’s no point in living..there are lots of 

songs like that….. So many of those songs that I listened to. I 

myself couldn’t see any reason to live, and someone, in the song, 

who justifies me…I don’t think that I would have had the guts to 

hurt myself the way I did, without that music…” 

Yonatan: 

” the music and drugs were inseparable. Without the 

music, I don’t think I would have done what I did. Let’s say that 

of my really bad fall into the shit of heroin and cocaine – the 

music I listened to was like a tool in the hands of this…dark inner 

guide, that took me to tear myself apart…” 

rd 

The 3 stage – indifference to music. When the drug abuse becomes 

intense and the addiction overshadows all aspects of ones life, music 

looses its place beside the drugs and indifference sets in. 

1. “Grazhdanskaya Abarona” is a contemporary Russian punk and anti-establishment 

rock group. 


307



MUSIC AS DRUG- 

SUBSTITUTE – OR- 

TRANSITIONAL 

PHENOMENA 

(WINNICOT,1953) 

Ella:” 

In the last years of my drug abuse, when drugs where the 

only thing that I got out of bed for, and couldn’t fall asleep without 

– music wasn’t important anymore. I didn’t care anymore, 

there was nothing nostalgic about the music, there was nothing in 

it... the first few years, I could get excited or emotional about 

some song, but later on…I lost interest in music. I needed my 

quiet space, I used at home, didn’t go out and wasn’t interested in 

anything.” 

Zohar: 

”When you start using a lot you’re less interested in 

music. The drugs are whats important….it used to be like – 

there’s a rave party, so you take some pills. Later on it became : 

there’s pills, it would be nice if there’s some music but it’s not 

really important.” 

Functions of music in addiction 

We will now look at some of the psychological functions music has. 

Yelena:” When I was in treatment at the therapeutic community, I 

hadn’t brought a Discman with me. So I wrote my mom a letter 

and she sent me one. That’s when the problems started – it was 

like she had sent me drugs…sometimes when I just couldn’t take 

any more, I would ask permission to go to the bathroom but went 

off to my room…I would feel like I was in withdrawal and there 

was what I needed in my room…something was missing, I 

needed something…so I would go, listen to a song, and go back 

to work as if nothing happened, feeling better. Because I’m 

addicted – to music too. Whats interesting is that I didn’t have my 

own music, I had to listen to c.d.’s that belonged to the other 

girls…love songs, happy songs…not the stuff I listen to. But – 

when there’s no heroin you take pills…” 

Yelena recognized the fact that she used the music as a drug substitute , 

during abstinence and treatment. Lacking the ego capabilities to deal 

with external pressure, she could enter the transitional space of music-lis- 

tening, almost “cuddling up” with the sounds.She could draw strength by 

absorbing the external, benificing object into herself. 

Zohar:” When I was in the army jail 1 , they didn’t let us hear 

music. I remember, I was so desperate…I would call up a friend 

Functions of music in addiction 

308



on the phone and tell him to put a song on…I would listen to the 

song over the phone…” 

In Zohar’s case, the music wasn’t a drug substitute – because he had 

access to drugs in jail. But, as he said of himself: ”it doesn’t always mat- 

ter what music – but I need it . Music is one of the obsessions I haven’t 

overcome”. It seems that the music fulfilled needs over and beyond what 

the drugs could do – perhaps distraction, filling an emotional void, calm- 

ing…LikeYelena, he manipulated his way to get what he needed – char- 

acteristic behavior of addicts 

Nahum:”You're asking how music and drugs are connected? Why 

you need the music? So as not to be alone. I want to be alone, but 

my soul is crying out, I can’t understand whats going on with me, 

I don’t want to be like this. At first the drugs were for fun, but 

then they became a need, a very very deep physical and spiritual 

need. An almost total lack of ability to function in all parts of my 

life…but I didn’t want to see it. So...the music comes, doesn’t 

matter what you listen to….it was a very strong dependence” 

Lehtonan (2002) suggests that music seems to create a symbolic distance 

between the individual and his traumatic experiences… probably because 

of music's "ability" to act as a transitional phenomenon, where by listen- 

ing to music one can safely and without anguish work through his feel- 

ings. He quotes Racker (1951) who described the qualities of music as a 

transitional phenomenon. Music can protect an individual against 

unpleasant feelings and yet, at the same time, give psychic strength to 

face and overcome them. Music can also be used in frightening and 

unpleasant situations, for instance, against silence representing loneli- 

ness. Music can function like a "mirror" where the listener sees himself 

and his inner, incoherent feelings and experiences – in an integrated state. 

As Nahum concludes:” I would sit and really listen to the music, 

and try to see where I was and what I was doing with my life” 

1. for drug abuse during service. 

Functions of music in addiction 309



LISTENING TO MUSIC 

AS AN ESCAPE - AS A 

SUBSTITUTE FOR 

COPING WITH REALITY 

Almost all my interviewees spoke about listening to music as a means of 

avoiding thoughts and emotions and coping with difficult situations. 

Sasha:” I think I can say that I avoid my thoughts, by listening to 

music…when things are rough, and I want to be alone……..but 

then it’s hard to sit all by myself and concentrate on whats going 

on in my life, so I put on my music, and that’s it. I run away……I 

sort of sit by myself, with my music, don’t have to explain anything 

to anybody. I got my music. That’s it. “ 

Music fills the void. 

HIGH RISK SITUATIONS These are any life situations which may endanger a recovering addict’s 

obligation to recovery. All emotional and environmental cues and trig- 

gers which bring about memories of use or weaken one’s self efficacy, 

which may bring about relapse to substance abuse. 

Many of my clients, Israelis of middle eastern background, listen to a 

local genre of popular music. This Israeli Mediterranean music is a 

hybrid genre created in Israel by Jews from Arabic speaking countries. 

The music was, in the 1970's, thought to be culturally inferior by the 

mainstream, European-orientated culture and media. The music devel- 

oped as an "underground" alternative, giving voice to the themes and 

musical heritage of the lower and working classes. The music is essen- 

tially either western music overlaid with middle-eastern "colors", and the 

Arabic mellismatic form of singing, or authentic Turkish, Yemenite or 

Iraqi music with Hebrew texts (Horowitz 1999). 

The strongest connection the addicts have is with the sub-genre nick- 

named "crying songs". The lyrics and music of these songs evoke feel- 

ings of melancholy and despair. My clients relate that in times of 

depression, they are drawn to choose music that mirrors their mood, and 

while identifying with the words, and the memories the song evokes, 

sinking into feelings of self-pity and worthlessness (Horesh, 2006). 




Zohar Argov is one of the idolized singers of Israeli Mediterranean 

songs. He himself was addicted to heroin and committed suicide in jail. 

My interviewee Zohar chose his pseudonym because of his admiration to 

Zohar Argov. 

Zohar:” Not too long ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. I found 

myself listening again to all those depressing songs of Zohar 

Argov, it really drew me in, the words – exactly how I felt. And I 

could see myself going down hill, I would listen to the songs, go 

to sleep sad and wake up sad. so I took all of those c.d.s, brought 

them to a friend and said – listen, don’t give them back to me till 

you see that I’m all right. And he said – I’m proud of you. He 

knew that I never gave my Zohar c.d. to anyone.” 

Music, as a cue that can bring about memories of drug abuse, can also 

function as a warning signal before relapse. Like in the above example, 

an addict going through a crises might, unawares, find himself listening 

to drug-related music, which he may have stopped listening to as a result 

of his abstinence and changed life style. The music is not the cause of his 

emotional upheaval but reflects it. The music may heighten his emotional 

unstableness. But, if he has acquired awareness of the connection 

between certain kinds of music and negative emotions such as loss of 

control, depression or anxiety – the actual act of listening to the music 

may become a warning sign, or red light – a signal to stop, evaluate his 

situation and seek help. 

Nahum:” Even now, I can listen to Pink Floyd, and straight away 

it takes me to…places of chaos, drugs, grass, alcohol…” 

Research in music cognition supports Nahum’s experience. Music can 

evoke emotional and physical responses not just because of the music's 

properties, but because music recreates a mental and emotional represen- 

tation of the essence of the moment when it was first heard (Ortiz 1997). 

The memory evoked can be of negative experiences or emotions, or of 

actual drug use. The established links between certain types of music and 




the euphoric recall of drug intoxication, reinforced through thousands of 

repetitions, serve as powerful connections to the culture of addiction 

(White 1996). 

But music isn’t just a perceptual stimulus, something that reminds us of 

something else. Most of my interviewees spoke of the importance of the 

texts of the music they listened to, and preferred songs sung in languages 

they understood. 

Dima:” I really pay attention to the words, they mean a lot to me. 

Maybe because I want my life to have some meaning, like the 

words of the songs do.” 

Identification with song texts could be seen as a means of amplifying 

unbearable emotions, as a mirror for those emotions, and a search for val- 

idation -which is usually lacking in the addict's social milieu. 

Sasha:” There’s this song, where he sings about how hard everything 

is, how it hurts so much but nobody can talk about it. How 

he sits with his friends all day but when he’s alone, at night, he 

cries his heart out. How he’s sick and tired of it all. ….maybe I 

use the music to cry about my pain, maybe that’s how I get it 

out.” 

Addicts may choose to listen to certain kinds of music as an attempt at 

self-healing, as a quest for integration of past pains and experiences with 

their present life, or as a search for emotional and spiritual catharsis. 

They are used to turning to external factors to manipulate their mood and 

emotional state, using drugs and music, to this purpose, interchangeably. 

The drugs they used blocked out almost all emotional activity, bringing 

them to a state of, what they call “living dead”. Listening to music, they 

feel alive, connected to their past and present emotional repertoire. 

Nahum:”…now I’m depressed, and I want something that will 

deepen my depression, so I take this thing from the outside that’s 

called music” 




MUSIC AS PART OF 

CHANGE – LISTENING 

WITHOUT DRUGS 

Yelena:” I feel bad, listen to bad music, go on feeling bad” 

By listening to music under such circumstances, instead of it being a pos- 

itive experience - something goes wrong. The addicts' weak ego structure 

cannot deal with the overwhelming flood of emotional memories of pain, 

abuse and rejection. They figuratively “drown” in the oceanic feeling of 

regression, and reach out to the kind of acting they know best - substance 

abuse or risk seeking behavior. 

Identification with the song is not limited to the texts only, but also with 

the social context of the song. Four of my interviewees were born in the 

former Soviet Union, and were all avid listeners to the local genre called 

“blatniye pesni” – criminal songs. Their identification with these songs 

cannot be disconnected from their identification with the criminal society 

and life style that gave birth to these songs. Boris was born in a small 

town in the Soviet Union, where, he said, crime was the common way of 

life. When he was 6 years old, he saw his father being arrested during an 

armed battle with policeman that broke into their house. As a child, 

Boris, like his father, loved to listen to the blatniye songs. 

His dream was:” to go to jail, I wanted to see what it was like, 

maybe I just wanted to feel what my father was feeling out there, 

in jail. I missed him so much.” 

These songs play an important role in the lives of addicts and criminals 

of Russian culture. More research should be done to understand the cul- 

tural and emotional meanings these songs have for them. 

Addicts have to go through fundamental transformations during therapy 

and rehab, in order to insure (as much as possible) their commitment to 

change. All areas of their lives – past traumas, secrets, emotions, behav- 

ior patterns, occupation, relationships – are examined and re-evaluated. 

Clients often are uncomfortable and express mis-belief regarding the pos- 




itive changes they themselves, and others, detect in them. They don’t 

always recognize themselves, and find it difficult to accept themselves as 

calm, happy and functioning people. 

Boris:” I grew up with those songs, the blatniye, and now, I’m 

finishing my time at treatment, its like I understood all the things 

the songs were trying to tell me, I finished with them, I can say – 

goodbye, thanks, that’s it, I’m on my way. It’s really interesting, 

maybe that’s why I’m listening to them less and less…maybe 

that’s part of my change…I didn’t even decide, it just happened. 

But I’m afraid to stop listening to those songs. I can’t believe I’ll 

be without them. Every once in a while I’ll have to hear one or 

two songs. “ 

Boris seemed to be so enmeshed in his personal and cultural identity, 

symbolized by the blatniye songs, that separating from them seemed 

almost impossible. 

Yelena:” These days, I’ve been listening to, and enjoying – music 

that I couldn’t listen to in the past. Really happy music, like disco. 

I was surprised at myself….because, who would of thought that I 

would listen to that shit. I never liked it before. It disgusted me. I 

mean – just stupid people listened to it…this is a recent change, 

just the past few months…I hardly ever listen to rock anymore. 

When I stopped listening to rock, it sort of frightened me…..but 

music has stopped threatening me. I’ve changed my outlook on 

life, I’ve started to smile, I think this new music has a lot to do 

with it…I allowed myself to try something new. The truth is that 

the first time I really felt good – I couldn’t accept it. And I 

couldn’t accept the fact that I was listening to this music, even 

though I liked it. But I can smile now, I feel alive.” 

Zohar:” In therapy I learned to talk about my feelings so I don’t 

really need the songs anymore…its changed, a lot, the music I 

used to listen to, I was really stuck on one kind of music…but 

today I can choose, I have the power not to listen to that. It used 

to be, like, the songs didn’t ask me if I wanted to hear them, I 

would turn on the stereo and all the sad songs were there…I know 

that because I changed so much, things changed in my music. I 

don’t want to suffer anymore, don’t want to get depressed, those 

songs remind me of things…but if you ask me what music I really 

like –its that. Those sad songs. But today I don’t do what I 

want…it’s more – what I have to do.” 




Dima tells about using music as a guide, for self-healing. 

Dima:” When things are rough, I can put on some music, to push 

the feeling aside. I don’t wipe it out altogether, like I did with the 

drugs. I just put it off for a while, till I can find a way to deal with 

it. I sometimes act out on what I feel, if I’m angry I can act on the 

anger…so to be normal, its like a tool for me, the 

music……sometimes I get too much inside myself, and it frightens 

me. I get to thinking, and a lot comes up…the music helps me 

to connect better, helps me concentrate on what I want to think 

about…actually I’ve turned the music that was with me my whole 

life –into a tool to help me deal with my life without 

drugs…something to watch over me.” 

Conclusion 

The aim of my research process –is to describe, analyze and eventually – 

gain a better understanding of the relationships between addicts and their 

music. We have seen that for many addicts, music has powerful destruc- 

tive and healing potential. It can be abused, as drugs are. It can be mis- 

used and lead one into a vicious circle of dependency and self- 

destructiveness. But music has the potential to heal. 

Clearly, I have a vested interest in the process and outcomes of this 

research. I hope that the heightened understanding gained from my 

research will benefit my own work with addicts, and cause more aware- 

ness to the importance of music and other cultural aspects, in the treat- 

ment of addicts. 

I believe that by achieving a deeper understanding of the relationships 

addicts form with music, we can assist them in discovering more of their 

inner selves as manifested in their music. By rehabilitating their music- 

listening habits, they can begin to incorporate music into their lives as a 

source of enjoyment and enrichment. 

Conclusion 315



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This article can be cited as: 

AUTHOR INFORMATION Tsvia Horesh CMT 

Horesh, T. (2006) “Music is My Whole Life” - The many meanings of 

music in addicts’ lives. Music Therapy Today (Online) Vol.VII (2) 299- 

319. available at http://musictherapyworld.net 

Ramot Yehuda Zoharim Therapeutic Community 

Israel 

Tel.fax. 972-25346510 

Horesh.tsvia(at)gmail.com 

This article can be cited as: 317

Music is My Whole Life - World Federation of Music Therapy

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