Music is My Whole Life - World Federation of Music Therapy

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Horesh, T. (2006) “Music is My Whole Life” - The many meanings of music in addicts’ lives. Music Therapy Today (Online) Vol.VII (2) 291-317. available at http://musictherapyworld.net the euphoric recall of drug intoxication, reinforced through thousands of repetitions, serve as powerful connections to the culture of addiction (White 1996). But music isn’t just a perceptual stimulus, something that reminds us of something else. Most of my interviewees spoke of the importance of the texts of the music they listened to, and preferred songs sung in languages they understood. Dima:” I really pay attention to the words, they mean a lot to me. Maybe because I want my life to have some meaning, like the words of the songs do.” Identification with song texts could be seen as a means of amplifying unbearable emotions, as a mirror for those emotions, and a search for val- idation -which is usually lacking in the addict's social milieu. Sasha:” There’s this song, where he sings about how hard everything is, how it hurts so much but nobody can talk about it. How he sits with his friends all day but when he’s alone, at night, he cries his heart out. How he’s sick and tired of it all. ….maybe I use the music to cry about my pain, maybe that’s how I get it out.” Addicts may choose to listen to certain kinds of music as an attempt at self-healing, as a quest for integration of past pains and experiences with their present life, or as a search for emotional and spiritual catharsis. They are used to turning to external factors to manipulate their mood and emotional state, using drugs and music, to this purpose, interchangeably. The drugs they used blocked out almost all emotional activity, bringing them to a state of, what they call “living dead”. Listening to music, they feel alive, connected to their past and present emotional repertoire. Nahum:”…now I’m depressed, and I want something that will deepen my depression, so I take this thing from the outside that’s called music” Functions of music in addiction 312
Horesh, T. (2006) “Music is My Whole Life” - The many meanings of music in addicts’ lives. Music Therapy Today (Online) Vol.VII (2) 291-317. available at http://musictherapyworld.net MUSIC AS PART OF CHANGE – LISTENING WITHOUT DRUGS Yelena:” I feel bad, listen to bad music, go on feeling bad” By listening to music under such circumstances, instead of it being a pos- itive experience - something goes wrong. The addicts' weak ego structure cannot deal with the overwhelming flood of emotional memories of pain, abuse and rejection. They figuratively “drown” in the oceanic feeling of regression, and reach out to the kind of acting they know best - substance abuse or risk seeking behavior. Identification with the song is not limited to the texts only, but also with the social context of the song. Four of my interviewees were born in the former Soviet Union, and were all avid listeners to the local genre called “blatniye pesni” – criminal songs. Their identification with these songs cannot be disconnected from their identification with the criminal society and life style that gave birth to these songs. Boris was born in a small town in the Soviet Union, where, he said, crime was the common way of life. When he was 6 years old, he saw his father being arrested during an armed battle with policeman that broke into their house. As a child, Boris, like his father, loved to listen to the blatniye songs. His dream was:” to go to jail, I wanted to see what it was like, maybe I just wanted to feel what my father was feeling out there, in jail. I missed him so much.” These songs play an important role in the lives of addicts and criminals of Russian culture. More research should be done to understand the cul- tural and emotional meanings these songs have for them. Addicts have to go through fundamental transformations during therapy and rehab, in order to insure (as much as possible) their commitment to change. All areas of their lives – past traumas, secrets, emotions, behavior patterns, occupation, relationships – are examined and re-evaluated. Clients often are uncomfortable and express mis-belief regarding the pos- Functions of music in addiction 313
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