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"Self- Portrait" – A Study of the 'Self':

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Prologue<br />

"Look in <strong>the</strong> mirror<br />

And deeply engrave <strong>the</strong> picture in your memory.<br />

This is you. Your ugliness<br />

nakedness, pain.<br />

Look at yourself<br />

And keep <strong>the</strong> pictures in your heart.<br />

Do not lose <strong>the</strong> slight hold on truth,<br />

The truth about yourself,<br />

ugly, a mask,<br />

hurt, naked,<br />

wrapped in iron, <strong>the</strong> iron <strong>of</strong> protection"<br />

(Portrait, Yahav Or) ••••<br />

The immortal line <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> mo<strong>the</strong>r queen "Mirror, mirror on <strong>the</strong> wall…" entered my world straight from<br />

fairy tales. I was a new student in <strong>the</strong> Department <strong>of</strong> Art, without any experience or knowledge in<br />

drawing, but keen, inquisitive and full <strong>of</strong> a passion to create. Relations between me and <strong>the</strong> mirror, or<br />

ra<strong>the</strong>r between me and myself, were complex. The mirror just stood as an empty mediator which filled<br />

up whenever I approached it, with charcoal, paint and enormous curiosity. Then <strong>the</strong> lecturer set us <strong>the</strong><br />

exercise <strong>of</strong> "drawing a self-portrait" and told me: "You will love this ". I did not understand why he said<br />

so and later, when I found myself spending days and nights painting self-portraits, I still could not<br />

explain how he had known. Later I met him when I was already an experienced artist and he was on<br />

<strong>the</strong> staff <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> art school I headed. I summoned my courage and asked him: How on earth could you<br />

know?<br />

Painting self-portraits became a subject that fascinated me more than any o<strong>the</strong>r. My first solo exhibition<br />

(1987), My environment and myself, consisted <strong>of</strong> numerous self-portraits. Whenever I could I would<br />

stand in front <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> studio mirror and challenge myself "to succeed in painting myself correctly and<br />

well".<br />

What is ‘correct’? What is ‘well’? What does it mean ‘to succeed’? I thought it meant simply 'to draw<br />

someone resembling myself', 'like in real life', to be able to tell myself I am a good painter. To create for<br />

myself <strong>the</strong> image <strong>of</strong> a skilled artist. Sometimes I took a hard line and chose a monastic pencil and<br />

VI<br />

•<br />

http://stage.co.il/Stories/308001

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