SiSU: - Homeland - Cory Doctorow

“Ange,” I said.
Homeland
She started crying before I said anything else, so I guess my voice must have conveyed
some secret message to her in the cipher known only to our bodies and subconscious
minds.
“What comes after this?” I said, trying to keep my voice even. Other people in the restaurant
were staring at us, even though I'd deliberately staked out a place in the back corner.
“What do you mean?” she said, taking napkins out of the dispenser on the table and wiping
at her eyes.
“I mean, do we just keep dating forever? Do we get married?”
“You...” She blinked. “You want to get married?”
“No,” I said. “Do you?”
“No,” she said.
“Ever?”
“Well, I don't know. Maybe.”
“But not to me.”
“I didn't say that, Marcus. Jesus, you're being such a freak. Are you breaking up with
me?”
I willed myself not to flinch away from her angry gaze. “I just feel like there comes a point
where you have to ask yourself: is this going to go on forever, or isn't it? Are we doing this
for the long haul, or is this just something we're doing for now?”
“That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard,” she said. “This isn't binary. We can be
boyfriend and girlfriend without being husband and wife. We're young. What the hell is
this all about?”
I thought about the weird silences with Van, the kiss with Masha, the times I'd woken up
next to Ange and just watched her breathe, in love with every curve and angle of her face.
“I --” I thought about being a person who did things, instead of someone that the world did
stuff to. I thought about the system and how broken it all was. “Look, it's been intense lately.
I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. I'm just not sure about anything anymore.”
“That's it? You're not sure? Since when was anything sure? Listen, you lunk, you say that
you're not sure about anything. Are you sure that you're happier when you're with me than
when I'm not there? Not all the time, but on balance, most of the time?”
It was such a weird, Ange way of framing the question. But I gave it thought. “Yeah,” I
said. “Yeah, I am sure about that. But, Ange --”
She wadded up the napkin and dropped it on the table. “That's something I'm sure of,
too. But you're clearly going through some crazy mental crap, and if you need to work it
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