Dean Amory - techniques for coaching

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Help people make decisions Awaken new perspectives (Jan Sikorski) Get too close to the truth (Carolyn Martin) Guidelines for Provocation 1. Build TRUST first! (Provocation without trust starts fights!) 2. Start with agreement, compliments and mini-metaphors 3. Use a gentle voice tonality (unless you want a fight) 4. Soften provocation with “Maybe…”; “Perhaps…”, etc 5. Use the person’s values ("If X is really important, ...") 6. Give a person time to assimilate your provocation 7. Use a rising “question” tonality (“You really believe that?”) 8. Incorporate verbal and non-verbal objections 9. If a person age-regresses - talk as if to a wise child 10. Repeat important provocation in different ways 11. Offer provocative choices with multiple “Maybe” 12. Be prepared to support your provocation Provocation Examples 1. Agreement You’re right! Exactly! Of course! So true! Good! 2. Compliment That may be a good summary of your situation. 3. Empathy If I were you I might believe that too. 4. Conditional Agreement Perhaps that’s true for you. 5. Neutral Maybe we can both learn something from this. 6. Reality Check Is that always true? Is there another way to look at it? 7. Exaggeration Maybe this problem has never before been solved! 8. Challenge Values Maybe it’s fine for you to stay this way. 9. Doubt I want to believe you ... but something is missing… 10. Mild disagreement That may not be totally true. 11. Counter Example Another client resolved that situation by… 12. Yes + No I completely agree (as you show a non-verbal “No”) 13. Yes, but I agree, but do you think that it’s really possible? 14. Metaphor Once upon a time there was an Ugly Duck … 15. Peaceful tact I agree that a person under stress might say that… 627
16. Total disagreement If that is true, I can go no further with you. 17. Mentor What would say about this? 18. Death What would you say about this on your deathbed? 19. Authority My trainer might tell you to… 20. Return to Goalwork That’s very interesting – and what do you want? Appropriate provocation can accelerate clarification and help people laugh at their issues. It can aid insight and integration, and help people find integrity. Creating irritation or confusion can strengthen resistance. Marina Budimir, Croatia Meta-Model Challenges (from NLP) Universals All? Every? Never? Is there no other possibility? Beliefs According to whom? Who told you that? Mind Reading How you know what he/she/I thought? Cause-Effect I don’t understand. How can you make them happy? Necessities What would you do if you could change this situation? Time How long do you want to keep believing that? Definitions You interacted with her? What does interacted mean? Provocation to challenge beliefs 1. Agreement: Provoke a person to mismatch their own belief 2. Counter-examples: Find examples that do not fit a belief 3. Redefine: Substitute a belief with similar meaning and different implications 4. Consequence: Mention some effects of keeping a belief 5. Intention: Find the purpose or intention of a belief (pleasant or unpleasant) 6. Decompose: Break a complex belief into pieces and evaluate each piece 628
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Title: Techniques for Personal Coac
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TABLE OF CONTENTS 1 INTRODUCTION...
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Techniques for Personal Coaching an
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techniques: encouraging, paraphrasi
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situation. By repeating coachees’
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Good introductions for reflecting a
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- Is there something you would like
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Understanding, empathy and deep emp
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- insincerity - repetition - clich
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3.2 ASKING QUESTIONS Asking questio
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Exploring possible goals E.g.: Coac
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Open questions: Obvious line to tak
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Bloom’s taxonomy Difficult questi
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6. Evaluation-questions: Asking for
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If you really do not know what to a
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The coach wants the coachee to deve
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Identifying obstacles If some pers
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What do you expect if you do nothin
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Question #8: Who Am I becoming? How
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Now is the perfect time to do some
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Answer the following questions and
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If you commit time and energy to so
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decision is also a decision which c
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motivated you to take action and fo
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FACIILITATIVE INTERVENTIONS 4 Catha
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5. Is it possible that there is ano
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Issues with Feedback Although super
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listener. A better sequence of stat
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with the group” is different than
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Remember that feedback is based on
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Definition The reframing matrix is
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elow shows how one might figure out
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essence, evaluation units are placi
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The Reframing Matrix A Reframing Ma
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Sources: Asian Development Bank- Me
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ME: (reality check) I haven’t hea
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Notice how these questions acknowle
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In this scenario your coachee will
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whether they might leave, and to as
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with the problem or, in some cases,
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1. Be curious. Ask a lot of questio
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personal experience that is like th
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If you get this wrong you will find
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Sources: Increasing levels of rappo
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A-to-Z strategies for building coll
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I. Focus on INNOVATION. Creativity
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want to create a networked organiza
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Practical collaboration building 'I
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* Celebrate and advertise success.
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should be rare. * Stick to your mis
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each other's values, knowledge, and
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understand. Avoid acronyms. (Common
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accountability. Let Go, Forgive. *
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One last piece of information for t
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1. You want to help. You are a kind
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ideas are absolutely great, but I c
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Now, do you know how to say NO? Of
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I’d love to help but I have a lot
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3.13 I-MESSAGES You can make a huge
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6. What do you feel like doing when
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a. We should avoid doing for others
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«And after considering all the pos
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and the creativity that comes from
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deep trust in the process of coachi
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they experience as a result will le
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personal experience with you.” Be
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Creative Thinking Tips Break out o
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It was by taking a different view o
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Innovation is not something that I
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management tools, some of which are
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iggest payoff. Sometimes this means
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Visualise success seen from the vie
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How to Be More Creative ? Having th
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These four steps are described in m
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Incubation is needed to handle comp
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"Coaching the Artist Within", "Fear
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Important! Edward de Bono Dr. Edwar
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Twyla Tharp, one of America's great
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28. Arrive earlier to the office th
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97. Make drawings of your ideas. 98
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4. Draw your goal. Grab some crayon
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Learn to notice patterns. "The geni
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innovative solutions to problems. C
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How many of us are waiting for some
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Step 3. Start combining the variabl
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492
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from having to keep the tank full,
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SAMPLE EXAMPLE: Problem Opportunity
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498
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3.17 SUMMARIZE, EVALUATE AND WRAP U
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STEP THREE: Check the other persons
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Now that you have completed level o
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A possible end of a session could g
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accomplish. Evaluating effectivenes
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Sources: Wendy Buckingham: http://w
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How Imagery Works Research has show
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To refocus. During practice and com
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http://www.usaswimming.org/ViewMisc
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Tips and Techniques Listed below ar
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individual as a group and the group
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For example if Bob is speaking to h
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RUMBA (realistic, utilitarian, meas
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3.19 THE MIRACLE QUESTION The mirac
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would ask the client to think of ot
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Sources: Wikipedia.org (http://en.w
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it doesn't matter to them if the pr
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3.21 SELF DISCLOSURE Coachees often
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This is the Gestalt notion of ‘di
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hunch that keeps running through yo
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intervention with the data I had ob
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3.22 USING INTUITION This is a thou
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the coachee's feeling or experience
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problem-solving, creativity and inn
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I partner with intelligent, success
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teachings refl ects similar phases,
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physical changes such as menstruati
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8. A TIME FOR WISDOM • A tranquil
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The word 'psychosocial' is Erikson'
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Erikson's psychosocial crisis stage
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meaning and purpose, life achieveme
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challenge which a person must negot
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He continued (in rather complicated
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It is not necessary therefore to un
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and conditioning from the previous
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Erikson later preferred for stages
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The difficulty in 'labeling' the fi
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1. Trust v Mistrust 'To get' 'To gi
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Page 261 and 262: 5. Identity v Role Confusion 'To be
Page 263 and 264: 8. Integrity v Despair 'To be, thro
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Page 267 and 268: 4. Industry v Inferiority 5. Identi
Page 269 and 270: 8. Integrity v Despair Wisdom & Ren
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Page 277 and 278: Here are the main examples of alter
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Page 281 and 282: 3.24 THE DRAMA TRIANGLE The Drama T
Page 283 and 284: Mary: Well, little Johnny fell and
Page 285 and 286: The Empowerment Dynamic From Wikipe
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Page 289 and 290: 3.25 VOICE DIALOGUE Ever feel a bat
Page 291 and 292: Just knowing that the voices are re
Page 293 and 294: 3.26 CONFRONTATION Confrontation do
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Page 301 and 302: DiSilvestro and Hoover’s construc
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Page 309: 3.27 PROVOCATION solution-focused c
Page 313 and 314: 10. Apply to Self: How could you se
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Page 317 and 318: The Benefits of Mindfulness Practis
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Page 321 and 322: 4. SHOWER. I actually use this one
Page 323 and 324: 3.30 HUMOR Apparently laughter is t
Page 325 and 326: The thing with humor, like with all
Page 327 and 328: 5. Be on time. Another way to demon
Page 329 and 330: Yes, it is contradictory! How can y
Page 331 and 332: Friends, join me in the celebration
Page 333 and 334: An endorsement is much more fun to
Page 335 and 336: Sources: Onelife Coaching - http://
Page 337 and 338: Signs of giving full attention to a
Page 339 and 340: 3.34 TRUST Coaching and relationshi
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However, the "tend-and-befriend" re
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How to use the self-rating Diagnost
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5. How do you see your world? * how
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Capture any immediate thoughts that
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If they wish, they may use their se
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How to Make a Personal Development
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meeting up with someone often, near
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2.1 How does your current situation
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Step 3 - Generating options You now
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If you weren’t afraid at all, if
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Go ahead, pick your three actions f
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for a year (giving you over 150 lif
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Weekly Accountability Whether you a
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does add a bright spot to their day
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Things I accomplished since my last
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What habits, activities, or thought
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3. Completing a Coaching Series At
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3.40 JOINING THE COACHEE THROUGH MA
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move to the second phase of the the
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3.41 PARADOXICAL INTERVENTIONS “D
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3.42 EMPTY CHAIR TECHNIQUE This is
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3.43 THE HUNGER ILLUSION No, this i
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top dollar to use it, you can try i
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3.44.1 VALIDATION COACHING Validati
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3.44.2 VALIDIATION Validation is a
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Validation Defined Simply put, vali
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Imagine that the listening friend,
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When the listener restricts her com
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Validating Feelings about You One o
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3.45 CHALLENGE EXISTING PATTERNS To
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To be able to let go of ingrained p
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3.46 SOLUTIONS AND SUCCESSES TO DAT
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prophecy. Over time, he reframed th
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performance or negative consequence
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Here's how self-talk works. Pete Sa
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contributed to Fernandez's gaining
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If a person who has a long history
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I will never be able to do this. I
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is power in waking suggestion… su
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META COMMUNICATION When you want to
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Meanwhile, discover their values an
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Only after you have created suffici
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Telling the listener what they know
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6. Tell Stories with embedded comma
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spotted this pure strip of land, hi
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9. USE PRESUPPOSITIONS Presuppositi
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having to say. Confident that they
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how they really feel. “Yes” is
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scenes you see in your mind. You ca
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In the case of competitive sports,
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Ways In Which to Use Visualization
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Studies in mental imagery have show
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hear and feel those great feelings.
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index of arousal - and can be emplo
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Add the movement or kinesthetic fee
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MENTAL IMAGERY INTRODUCTION Welcome
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* * * * * * * * Look at the column
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that you imagine hearing when looki
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2-CLEANING THE SUBCONSCIOUS Right n
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The first step is to relax. Consequ
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Listening to a song inspires memori
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experiences. Rather than pulling yo
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On the contrary, these techniques a
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had experienced, the success image
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anchoring), as though you were pres
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Closing your eyes, say them in watc
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think that by limiting your ambitio
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For the future, try to make one exe
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12-The creative process Some people
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Real life example: There is everywh
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that their feet are webbed. This vi
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Creativity is expected to explode a
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This map shows a research for disco
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You can take notice that the proces
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DO IT YOURSELF: We do not expect th
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Borrowed Genius Step Two Now invite
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About Win Wenger This exercise come
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Mmm. Sounds good. It's not the kind
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Challenging is not meant to be a co
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5. Gentle Suggestion If you are stu
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3.53 MODELING - COACHING - SCAFFOLD
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Counterexample critical aspects and
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NLP Modeling involves transferring
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learning everything they can by fol
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Basic Problem Definition Step 1 Ste
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o Problem articulation and framing:
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Source: Leading With Questions How
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4. Always Review Positively If we a
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3.56 HEAD ON COLLISION A client has
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and defeating therapy: Now the view
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complex, elegant, aged-to-perfectio
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3.58 PRIMAL THERAPY Cool comes in m
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3.59 FOCUSING When a coachee decide
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Dean Amory - techniques for coaching

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