About Boys - The Southport School

The widely acclaimed psychologist and author
on raising boys Steve Biddulph suggests there
are three distinct stages in boyhood - maybe
you recognise them...
From Birth to about Six
At this stage, boys essentially belong to their
Mums. Gender differences are not important
although there are some studies suggesting that
mothers and fathers relate differently to male and
female infants. As toddlers, personalities start to
emerge and boys and girls may be either placid and
easy going or fractious, anxious, active and difficult
to settle. There are tendencies for boys to be more
active in their play, to prefer to handle concrete
objects and not to be as welcoming of strangers to
their play.
From about Six to Fourteen
During this stage boys start to look more to Dad or
the significant male figure in their life for interest
and activity. They learn from this male and copy
his behaviours. Mum remains important but in a
sense the boy is studying how it is to be a male.
It is important to note that this change
of focus from mother to father should
be natural and at the boy’s own pace.
It is not something that needs to
be forced as in a ‘toughening up’ or
‘severing of apron strings’. This would
simply be a perpetuation of the ‘Boy
Code’ referred to elsewhere in this
booklet which suggests that boys need
to disconnect from their mothers ‘for
their own good’. At this stage Biddulph
suggests that fathers need to increase
their involvement with their sons. Where
there is not a father around boys may
look to other significant males for
example an uncle, neighbour, teacher or
sports coach. Obviously, the presence
of significant adult males is very
important at this time.
0 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 100 105 110 115 120 125 130 135 140 145 150 155 160 165 170 17