About Boys - The Southport School

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The widely acclaimed psychologist and author on raising boys Steve Biddulph suggests there are three distinct stages in boyhood - maybe you recognise them... From Birth to about Six At this stage, boys essentially belong to their Mums. Gender differences are not important although there are some studies suggesting that mothers and fathers relate differently to male and female infants. As toddlers, personalities start to emerge and boys and girls may be either placid and easy going or fractious, anxious, active and difficult to settle. There are tendencies for boys to be more active in their play, to prefer to handle concrete objects and not to be as welcoming of strangers to their play. From about Six to Fourteen During this stage boys start to look more to Dad or the significant male figure in their life for interest and activity. They learn from this male and copy his behaviours. Mum remains important but in a sense the boy is studying how it is to be a male. It is important to note that this change of focus from mother to father should be natural and at the boy’s own pace. It is not something that needs to be forced as in a ‘toughening up’ or ‘severing of apron strings’. This would simply be a perpetuation of the ‘Boy Code’ referred to elsewhere in this booklet which suggests that boys need to disconnect from their mothers ‘for their own good’. At this stage Biddulph suggests that fathers need to increase their involvement with their sons. Where there is not a father around boys may look to other significant males for example an uncle, neighbour, teacher or sports coach. Obviously, the presence of significant adult males is very important at this time. 0 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 100 105 110 115 120 125 130 135 140 145 150 155 160 165 170 17
From about Fourteen to Adulthood For many boys this is a critical period. The male hormone, testosterone, has ‘kicked in’, physical changes are taking place, and there is a hunger for adventure, new challenges and risk taking. Also at this time there can be massive mood swings from being exited and ‘fired up’ to being bored and depressed. Boys search for something to be a part of, to belong to and to develop a passion about. They may get ‘into’ music, cars and motorbikes, surfing or some other sport. Sadly some that cannot make these connections may seek excitement, challenges and acceptance in destructive ways through criminal activity, drug taking and gang membership. The successful and safe passage from boyhood to manhood is largely dependent on having these energies channelled by good adult male mentors. People who listen, provide wise counsel, act as role models, care and are willing to share openly and honestly their own feelings and experiences.
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About Boys - The Southport School

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