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Brett and Kate McKay
How to Discover Your Values
Your task for Day 1 of our 30 Days to a Better Man project is to discover,
clearly define, and write down your core values. Before we begin, let’s be
clear that we’re not trying to define goals here. Goals are specific actions,
like “becoming financially independent by age 30” or “asking my girlfriend
to marry me this June.” What we are looking for are values: the ideas that
you esteem to be of great worth and that give structure to your life.
1. Get nice and relaxed. Go to a quiet room and sit in a big comfy chair
(maybe even sit in your closet; something about small spaces helps
you think), grab the fishing pole and spend an hour or two casting
your line into the fishing hole, or take a walk on a nature trail or
around your neighborhood. Just do whatever works for you.
2. Have the proper tools. Have a pen and paper handy so you can write
down your values as they come to you. I don’t recommend using a
computer to do this as it’s pretty easy to get distracted from the task
at hand. Write on something you won’t accidentally throw away and
that will last for many years to come.
3. Ask yourself this question: “What’s truly important to me as a
man?” Once you’re nice and relaxed, simply ask yourself what’s truly
important to you. Think about those moments in your life when you
felt completely whole and fulfilled as a man. Think about the times
when you’ve been the happiest. If nothing comes to you at first, don’t
worry. Just keep thinking.
4. Write down whatever comes to you. When you have a moment of
insight about what’s important to you, write it down. Don’t self-censor
yourself. Be completely honest during this process. No one else is
going to see this, so don’t list the values that you think “should” be on
your list. If it comes to you, write it. You’ll be able to go back and edit
the list in the next step. For now, just do a total brain dump. (Also,
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