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SEVEN PAPERS ON EXISTENTIAL ANALYSIS ... - Wagner College

SEVEN PAPERS ON EXISTENTIAL ANALYSIS ... - Wagner College

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theme of “important events” engaged my interest. In each instance, Will was enthusiastic to tell<br />

me about “the event.” I attempted to determine what had changed, but always found myself<br />

listening to a digression.<br />

Was there really a hefty series of vivid changes going on in this young man’s life? I<br />

wondered whether I had allowed our meetings to become “idle chats.” I assumed a good deal<br />

of “father hunger” in him, which I was assuaging to some extent, but I knew that provisions of this<br />

kind alone would not be of much therapeutic value for Will.<br />

At a loss, I briefly reverted to the psychoanalytic paradigm—I was very puzzled!—and<br />

wondered whether this was a classic “sexualized transference,” but, again, since I no longer<br />

accepted the notion of transference, this was an “interesting” thought but nothing more. Was<br />

there something “sexual” developing in the “real relationship” as Greenson termed it? No. I<br />

could confirm the absence of any “sexual” fantasies about Will in myself. Nor had he said<br />

anything about sexual fantasies of his own about me. What was going on and how might I<br />

understand it?<br />

It then dawned on me that “he” (in quotes) and “I” (also in quotes) were convenient<br />

constructs that obscured what was going on between us. I reflected back on what had been<br />

happening during my hours with “Billy.” I considered that before there was a patient and a<br />

therapist, there was what Donald Winnicott (referring to the mother-infant relationship) called a<br />

dual unity, which he believed was replicated in the “holding environment” of the<br />

psychoanalytic situation.<br />

What was going on between Will and “me,” however, could not be explained in this<br />

way. Nor was it a friendship or mentorship. Instead—and here I began to generalize—I saw<br />

something that was common to all of the relationships just mentioned, including the therapeutic<br />

venture, but was prior to them—indeed common to all human relationships: their existential<br />

context. How to understand this context? This I then formulated as the mutual longing for<br />

intimacy with the other’s existence in its sheer possibility. I would soon term the force that<br />

provided this eros, as described earlier.<br />

What did this realization mean for my practice of existential analysis with Will and in<br />

general?<br />

I thought I understood what Will wanted from me: intimacy. But of what sort? How should<br />

I describe this longing for intimacy, as I now termed it? He did no long for anything actual about<br />

me—my knowledge, my body, any power he attributed to me—but rather the sheer possibility in<br />

my own life, for what was invisible but central to my being human. That is what he wanted from<br />

me--and that I long for the same thing in him. This shared longing I termed eros. I then<br />

recognized that this is the force at work in existential analysis that enables existence to unfold.<br />

As I looked at “Billy,” I thought of the boy Eros, playfully implicating this one with that one-<br />

-mortals and gods—in intimacy with each other. I saw there was nothing sexual about this<br />

longing and soon realized that the erotic and the sexual are mutually exclusive. I later<br />

understood that as psychotherapists we have sexualized the erotic.<br />

I considered the image of Eros’s arrow, which silently strikes deep. What is its target?<br />

What does it aim for and hope to reach? Something invisible. How might I conceptualize that<br />

“place”? Sheer possibility, the simple present which gives rise to sheer possibility.<br />

I thought more about the meaning of the playful act Eros carries out. His arrow goes to<br />

anyone, willy-nilly—not to one or both of a pair of pre-selected mates or lovers (which is often<br />

the case with sex and the world of sexuality)—but to any of us, regardless of sex or age or status.<br />

Most of the arrows of Eros miss their mark and never hit home, or we dodge them, fearing what<br />

they aim for in us—sheer possibility and our own present, inaccessible directly to us ourselves but<br />

for which we rely on others to provide us access.<br />

I then understood that the ultimate goal of existential analysis is to permit this force eros<br />

to come into play for the individual and the therapist in that unique situation we call the<br />

therapeutic setting. Metaphorically, existential analysis provides a place in which the individual<br />

is safe to be still, so that one of Eros’s arrows can reach him. I also saw that, for whatever reason,

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