razorcake issue #16

in the other direction, and reverse theposition of your arms relative to eachother. 6) Iterate the operation at thedance down 14th Street, ya hear?!Should these instructions prove faultyafter inspection, all i have to say in mydefense is that (ahem) i’m into punkrock, and i throw like a Wag. Thanks,i’ll be here all week. BEST SONG:“The Wag! “The Wag! ThuhhhhhWAAAAAAAGGGGGG!!!” BESTSONG TITLE: “Motorheartbeat” FAN-TASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT:The band thanks “slime” on their thankyou list! –Rev. Nørb (Swindlebra)REVILLOS:Jungle of Eyes: CDA long-lost album from this reveredgroup finally sees the light of day.While the songs themselves aren’t allthat bad, the overall feel of the album,sorta like Bananarama plunderingthrough the same Stax of soul 45s thatthe Jam did to write “Town CalledMalice,” is just a little too ‘80s to becomfortable. Still, “Bitten by a LoveBug” should’ve been a massive internationalhit two decades ago. –JimmyAlvarado (Captain Oi)REVOLVERS/DUANEPETERS AND THEHUNNS: Split: CDHunns: I’ve never been a fan, but Ipicked this up primarily to give ‘emanother chance. As with other releasesI’ve heard both by the Hunns and USBombs, I don’t find the tunes here particularlyawful or anything, but I alsodon’t find them especially inspiring,either. To me, they sound like a bunchof old dudes going through the motionsin an attempt to recapture their gloriouslymisspent youth rather than a bandrooted in the now and desperate tomake their mark, and that just don’t cutthe mustard. Revolvers: Mid-tempo,power-poppy punk along the lines ofCocksparrer and the like. No bigwhoop, but they don’t exactly suck,either. –Jimmy Alvarado (Dirty Faces)RISE AGAINST:Revolutions Per Minute: CDI’ve been wrestling with this disc forseveral weeks now because – while Ilike the politics and sentimentsexpressed in these songs – the musicsounds like stereotypical run-of-themillFat. It’s true that in recent years,Fat has substantially diversified, butassholes like me remember that longstretch in the ‘90s when everythingsounded like NOFX and, unfortunately,this music supporting these lyrics isn’tthat different. With that said, this albumwon’t be going into my sell pile soon.–Puckett (Fat)RIVERBOAT GAMBLERS,THE: Something toCrow About: CDThese last two months, crawlingthough the endless amount of musicthat gets sent us, it’s a rare CD from anunknown band that gets instantly gluedto my home and truck stereos. By sheerhours amassed listening along, theRiverboat Gamblers have called mybluff and plunked down a royal, colossalsonic buffet that’ll get you fuckedupper than hell. They’re so good, I’mgoing to sound like an asshole trying toexplain them, but here goes. First off,all cliches are wiped away like insectguts off a windshield. Serve up all thebest New Bomb Turks songs onto onealbum. Hyper-velocity, swaggeringvocals where all the words are actuallysung, actually sound fun. If they starteda gang, you’d join in a split second.Pile on the too easy to be easy instrumentalvelocity of the CandySnatchers. Like chicken grease,squeeze all the bravado, sleaze, andsneer of The Humpers’ prime form ontop. Add two scoops of that covert popelement cloaked in hard-beaten, hardwonpunk, like the Black Halos. Then,somehow, make it fucking catchy,claim it like it’s never been donebefore, let it buck you home, then itbake in the Texas sun and have TimKerr produce it. Something to CrowAbout has so much energy, I swearlightning bolts are going to sizzle out ofthe speakers and light my carpet onfire. This is in serious running for a topten of 2003 for me. –Todd (Gearhead)ROCKETS RED GLARE:Moonlight Desires: CDYou know the difference between emobands and toilet paper? Eventually yourun out of toilet paper. –JimmyAlvarado (Blue Skies Turn Black)ROY: Tacomatose: CDEPThis song reminds me of sixth gradewhen I listened to They Might BeGiants all the time. Not fond, campymemories, but how my mom wouldmake me turn it off because it was sofucking annoying. Imagine a wholealbum of “Birdhouse in Your Soul”complete with grating vocals. –Megan(Initial)RUDE PRAVO:Non Mi Pento: CDThe cover of Non Mi Pento has a cartoonof them all causing some mischief.The thing that got me was that it lookedlike they were some bastard supergroup made up of Moby, someonewho’s a cross between Mike Watt andShawn Stern, Rosie O’Donnell, a crossbetween John Lennon and JoeyRamone, and a long-lost Blues Brother.It’s really pretty good, though. I hearlots of Business and some Stiff LittleFingers in there. They’re Italian andsing in Italian, which brings me to arealization I had when I was listeningto this. I’ve given this quite a few listens,but this would probably nevermake it into my heavy rotation. Withmusic as catchy as theirs and lyricsencouraging sing-alongs, I want to dojust that – sing along. With my Italianlimited to, “Oh il mio dio, io l’embarrasedun pesce.” I don’t see it happeningany time soon. So, when I get theurge to hear something that they coulddefinitely do, I won’t reach for them,but a band I can actually sing with as Ibounce around and piss off my downstairsneighbors. People who aren’t asafflicted as I should pick this up.–Megan (KOB)SCUMBAG ROADS:Bad Girl Attraction: 10”...one of the things that i find whollyunsatisfying regarding the majority ofEuropean punk rock (especially thestuff that might be seen as havingdescended in some way, shape or formfrom the Ramones, regardless of hownth-generation the bloodlines run) isthat once The Punk Rock has made itsinitial mutation – has staked out itsdefining deviance from the norm, orwhat have you – it very rarely mutatesfurther. Once a band sounds like what itsounds like, it sounds like that forever,or until they “progress,” which is differentfrom mutation. Bands will beFAST and LOUD and PUNK, yet anentire set can pass by without the bandever finding some virgin cubic millimeterof your brain that hasn’t yetbeen trampled by rock ‘n’ roll – sometiny cluster of heretofore unusedsynapses, ripe for the pickin’ – and jabbingtheir own little pushpin in there,marking their turf forever and ever, oruntil you forget. I just never feel like alot of the bands establish much of anidentity above and beyond the identitythey’ve established merely as a preconditionto their existing; like, once theinitial sonic character of the music isthere, everything else could just beplotted out by some manner of punkrock algorithm. Of course, i freelyadmit that there may well be things inthe music that i’m not picking up on,but i’m gonna give myself the benefitof the doubt and write that off as idlespeculation right now. That said, abouttwo-twelfths of this record is genius –and, of course, those twelfths wouldalso be the two stupidest songs,“Deadly Potion” and “Dirt.” The otherten-twelfths blaze along in a quitepleasant punk rock fireball, with theblaring guitar assault upon myeardrums feeling as nice as the hotwater in the shower does when i’vefinally coaxed myself out of bed in themorning. However, sorta like the shower,the feeling only lasts ‘til the towel.Rocks hard, but debatably non-essential.BEST SONG: I already told youthis, it’s either “Dirt” or “DeadlyPotion.” Now, since you made merepeat myself, i will tell you the BESTLYRIC: “I grab my giant noodle/pissingon the whole kaboodle” BESTSONG TITLE: Well, “Smash It Up,”“Dirt,” “I Don’t Like You” and “YeahYeah” are all pretty good... too badthey’re already taken. I guess i vote for“Bad Girl Attraction,” contingent on itbeing some sort of pun on “Bad GuyReaction.” FANTASTIC AMAZINGTRIVIA FACT: Guitar player AndiScum was (is?) in the Returners. TheWag!!! The Wag!!! THHHHEEEEWAAGGGGGGGG!!! –Rev. Nørb(Swindlebra)SHEMPS, THE/TO HELL AND BACK:Split 7”The Shemps: Like a fawn getting itslegs, stumbling out of the placental sac,and then learning how to wield a chainsaw,The Shemps started out in theworld as mild mannered and havequickly evolved into a ripping unit.Parts pop, parts life of the party, partsolid rock’n’roll mystery, I’d put themin league with The Stupor Stars.Nothing’s missing, and Artie’s vocalsnot ratchets the proceedings up a couplenotches. Plus, if you put “SuzieWerner played guitar on this recording,got arrested on tour, and quit the band amonth later as a condition of her parole.Good luck Suzie!” in your liner notes,you know you’re dealing with a bandthat tests the edge of the blade. To Helland Back: With ex-members of Devoidof Faith and John Brown’s Army, I wasexpecting more, uhhh, hardcore than aslowed down Zeke. I fall on the side ofthe pyramid that got their ass kickedwhile heavy metal got played onswung-open monster truck stereos inthe parking lot in high school and thosescars still haven’t healed, no matterhow progressive. I’ve just recentlyembraced Motorhead and AC/DC aspart of my rehabilitative therapy, butthis it too much of a step. Sorry. GoShemps! –Todd (Gloom)SHOCKER, THE:Up Your Ass Tray: CDEPFormer L7 member, Jennifer Finch,groups up some people and creates anew band. It’s very much in the samevein of L7 and musically has elementsof punk and Joan Jett. I rememberyoung Jennifer and L7 opening up formy punk band that was headlined by St.Vitus in a shitty Hollywood club on aWednesday or Thursday night. Theyplayed a rocking set for a band that wasnew. We went through our set. It hadsongs, at the time, that were almost tenyears old mixed with current ones.They were right out front and rockedout to our set. We had a singer peoplehated, so it was great seeing peopleenjoy what we were doing. We made nomoney that night. But I do rememberL7 enjoying our music. On this disc, Idrew close to the cover song. The bandcovers the Juice Newton (Fuck you,Dale. It’s not Kim Carnes!) hit “Angelof the Morning.” It takes a certain voiceto carry that song and the band backs itup. Other songs that I dug were“Smoke Rings,” “Break in Two,”“Your Problem Now,” and “Bad BrainGood Head.” Rocking punk’n’roll thatshould be burning though the clubscene soon after their stint on theWarped Tour. –Donofthedead(Little Pusher)SHOCKS, THE: More Cutsfor You in Zero 2: CDA German punk rock band up to itseyeballs in Killed By Death worship.Features that twangy, non-distortedguitar sound that gets the trashpunkers’trousers all sticky. –JimmyAlvarado (Dirty Faces)SICKIDS:Now and Then: CDA now and then overview (hence thetitle) of an ‘80s band from Philly thathave apparently decided to give itanother go two decades later. Temposhere range from mid-speed to sludgyand there’s a HEAVY Cramps influencethroughout. –Jimmy Alvarado(Steel Cage)SIGNAL TO TRUST:Folklore: CDThis band is from Minnesota and featuresx-members of The Misfires,Sicbay and The Hidden Chord. Firstthings first. I adore the sleeve art. It’svery poppish and looks like somethingJet Set would be releasing instead. It’sgot a bizarre ‘60s feel to it with brightcolors and deer versus wolves, butfuck, man, the inner artwork is thismess of grids with the lyrics scrawledover them. It makes me dizzy. That isnot good. Musically, it’s just like theFaraquet (R.I.P.) b-sides or something.Tight, tasty and enjoyable, but listeningto it makes me want to listen toFaraquet and not Signal To Trust. Bigwhammy. –Sarah (Modern Radio)SILK FLOWERS:Not Worth Mentioning: 7”Sort of like how members of Hot WaterMusic let their country music influenceshine through as Rumbleseat, membersof the Starvations are moonlighting asSilk Flowers. Some of the same ingredientsare there: the wailing vocals, thelyrics full of despair, and the fact thesongs aren’t grossly exaggerated caricatures.The music, however, is a differentstory. The Gun Club/BirthdayParty influence has been filtered out,leaving a bare-boned, acoustic country