Mindfulness and Liberation True Love Global Sangha: - The ...

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true LOVEKeri and Paul HakanThe Freedom of True LoveBy Keri R. HakanIbelieve that freedom can be found in true love. My husband anddated for about ten years and then were married for eight. Hepassed on in July 2010 from pancreatic cancer. In our eighteenyears together, we taught each other a great deal about life andlove, without the intention of doing so, but by simply respecting,accepting, and caring for each other in good times and in “bad”times. Our connection was a bond that intertwined us and madeus stronger as individuals and as a couple.I was in my early twenties and in college when we met, andPaul was slightly older. The first time we ever saw each other, therewas an instant attraction and connection. When we started dating,I was pleasantly surprised by how respectfully he treated me andhow safe I felt with him.A few years into our relationship, Paul got very sick andalmost died from a rare, benign tumor in his intestines. This conditioncame on without warning in a man who had not had so muchas a sniffle in the time we had been together. I would go to myclasses and then head to the hospital to sit with him. Paul was myfirst serious relationship and I loved him, but I was not sure howto handle this situation. The beautiful, intelligent, talented musicianthat I knew was now lying in a hospital bed being prepped forsurgery and waiting to find out if this tumor was cancerous. Thiswas not the “happily ever after” future that I had romanticized,read about, and seen on television. This was messy, crazy life. WasI ready for this? Was he? Yes, as it turned out, we were.At My SideHe recovered from that illness, but it was a precursor of whatwas to come. In February 2007, five years after we were married,I suffered a brain abscess that almost killed me and left me withserious side effects. My left leg, arm, hand, and foot were almostuseless for several months, and I required a lot of therapy and assistance.Paul was at my side the entire time. The only time I feltconfident that I would recover was when he was with me. He hadto take care of everything, including me, as well as go to workeach day. He did it. Every morning he got me out of bed, dressed16 Winter/Spring 2011
true LOVEme, took me downstairs, and made sure I took my medicines andate breakfast. Then he went to work. He came home on his lunchbreak to check on me and eat with me. He did this for a year.I felt very guilty that my young husband had to take care of methis way, but whenever I said anything about that, he would stop meand assure me that he knew I was getting better every day becausehe could see it in me. When he would tell me that, I believed it. Heloved me in my weakest physical and emotional states. He did notsee a woman who had lost all her hair, had a huge incision on herA Sea of FreedomI also began these practices, and the release that came frompracticing mindfulness meditation was like a tidal wave washingaway negative energies, worries, and fears. The sun shone brightlythrough any clouds at those times, as it does for me today. Weboth marveled at how in touch we were with our bodies and theenergies that flowed through us, especially when we concentratedon our breathing.Every morning he got me out of bed, dressed me, took me downstairs,and made sure I took my medicines and ate breakfast. He came home onhis lunch break to check on me and eat with me. He did this for a year.head from brain surgery, and was unable to do the simplest humantasks, like walk normally. He saw his wife, the woman he loved.For this love, respect, and compassion I am extremely grateful,because they are the reason I was able to recover.The Love of My LifeWhen Paul was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancerin December 2008, it seemed like a nightmare or a horrible jokethat was being played on us. Were we being tested? Paul was myrock. How could this be happening? I questioned it all the time,not wanting it to be reality. One night, a dear friend said to me,“Keri, you know that you can handle this; you do know that, don’tyou?” I did not know it at the time. My own health ordeal was onething, but now the love of my life was being threatened. This wasan entirely new ball game.Paul and I sat down together and had several deep, meaningfulconversations about what this meant for us and how to deal with it.We made the conscious decision together to be positive, no matterwhat happened, and to believe in each other. We set our compassesand moved forward into these new rough waters together. Paulentrusted his life to me. He allowed me to take care of him as Isaw fit. I mustered everything I had learned about being seriouslyill and recovering, and applied to Paul many of the same elementsthat he had used during my illness. He realized he had to take careof himself and deal with past situations that had festered in himemotionally. He began practicing Tai Chi and qigong and doingother self-awareness work that included being present, releasingthe past, and not being concerned with the future. Meditationhelped him attain the ability to live in the present moment.In the hospital during Paul’s last weeks on earth, I recited theguided meditation “In, out, deep, slow; calm, ease, smile, release;present moment, wonderful moment,” several times to help himrelax and fall asleep. It was the only thing that worked. I believethat because of meditation practice, Paul lost the fear of cancerand death, and realized that there was more beyond his diseasedbody. We both made the connection between our emotional statesof mind and our illnesses, and believed that our bodies and mindswere one, as Thay says. Much freedom came to us from living andloving mindfully.Our illnesses taught us that the love and happiness we sharedfor so many years was a special connection that not everyoneexperiences. We appreciated each other and the life we had in usevery day, and living mindfully in the present moment helped usto do that. Paul taught me that no matter what is going on, thereis room for opportunity, compassion, love of one’s self and others,gratitude, and joy.We loved and lived these past two and a half years with gustoand with cancer, and it was brilliant. True love and the realizationthat we were living it allowed us to swim in a sea of freedom thatcan only be described as divine. Even now, after Paul’s passing,that gift continues to warm my heart and mind and enrich mybeing.Keri R. Hakan is thirty-seven years old. In early 2010, sheand her husband started meditating with The HeartlandCommunity of Mindful Living Sangha in Kansas City, MO.She recently relocated to Portland, OR.the Mindfulness Bell 17
Page 3 and 4: ISSUE NO. 56 - WINTER/SPRING 2011Dh
Page 6 and 7: dharma TALKphoto by Paul DavisThe F
Page 8 and 9: dharma TALKThich Nhat Hanh with Pro
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Page 12 and 13: true LOVEWateringthe Seedsof LoveGr
Page 14 and 15: true LOVEWeddingMeditationBy T. Amb
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Page 27 and 28: true LOVEwrong perceptions about us
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Page 33 and 34: true LOVEWe pull a book off theshel
Page 35 and 36: OOf the different forms of activism
Page 37 and 38: true LOVETouchingthe MasterBy Aparn
Page 39: true LOVEThe HeartPushupBy Peter Cu
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Page 48 and 49: global SANGHASpringtime inAustralia
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