Mindfulness and Liberation True Love Global Sangha: - The ...

true LOVEphotos by Paul DavisTrue Love from Mutual RespectWhat makes loving so difficult is that as we get closer andmore intimate with one another, there is also a greater responsibility.Our dreams and hopes are closest to our hearts. It makessense that we also guard our insecurities and self-doubts close toour hearts. That’s where they’re most protected. To put one’s egoaside to hear the needs of a lover, listening for what’s not beingsaid, requires great courage. It means hearing beyond words andseeing beyond hurt. That is an act of a true love. It is no wonderthat the root word of courageous, “coeur,” means “heart.”Thay’s commentary on the Third Mindfulness Training makesa distinction between the Vietnamese words tinh and nghia, bothassociated with the idea of love. Tinh is love that’s passionate andcompletely absorbing. Nghia may grow from passion, but it’s thelove that grows over time out of a mutual respect for one another.Only in the context of nghia can true love exist. As we gain greateraccess to our lover’s heart, we are also entrusted with the responsibilityto safeguard what has been given to us.In three weeks, I’ll be celebrating my third year anniversarywith my partner. For the past three years I’ve had a good friend.He doesn’t share the practice that I have, but he’s learning. He,like me, has insecurities and doubts. However, he doesn’t cringefrom responsibility. He takes the time to truly listen, not only tome but also to himself. What’s different about him is also what’sdifferent about me. Though our relationship began with two peopleseeking solace from the hurt of previous relationships, because ofa mutual respect for one another and for ourselves, our relationshipcontinues to grow.life, it would have to begin with me. I would have to learn how tolove myself and not accept the disrespect of someone who couldnot truly love me.After my divorce, I had a boyfriend who had the same spiritualpractice that I did. Though there was no physical abuse, hebelittled those around him. Once, while caressing me, he froze,got up, and walked off without saying a word. Later, he said, “Youlook like a mother.” From that point on, whenever I looked at mybody, I no longer felt lovable.In our talks, he acknowledged that he felt insecure. In his pastrelationships, he thought that women didn’t love him, but had anagenda behind the guise of love to get something—a marriageproposal, a baby, security. He believed that it was always somethingother than him that was lovable. I was the same. We sharedthe belief that we weren’t good enough as we were, creating thedynamic in which he was belittling and I was belittled. It was onlyhow we manifested our insecurity that differed.the Mindfulness Bell 23