Mindfulness and Liberation True Love Global Sangha: - The ...

true LOVEme, took me downstairs, and made sure I took my medicines andate breakfast. Then he went to work. He came home on his lunchbreak to check on me and eat with me. He did this for a year.I felt very guilty that my young husband had to take care of methis way, but whenever I said anything about that, he would stop meand assure me that he knew I was getting better every day becausehe could see it in me. When he would tell me that, I believed it. Heloved me in my weakest physical and emotional states. He did notsee a woman who had lost all her hair, had a huge incision on herA Sea of FreedomI also began these practices, and the release that came frompracticing mindfulness meditation was like a tidal wave washingaway negative energies, worries, and fears. The sun shone brightlythrough any clouds at those times, as it does for me today. Weboth marveled at how in touch we were with our bodies and theenergies that flowed through us, especially when we concentratedon our breathing.Every morning he got me out of bed, dressed me, took me downstairs,and made sure I took my medicines and ate breakfast. He came home onhis lunch break to check on me and eat with me. He did this for a year.head from brain surgery, and was unable to do the simplest humantasks, like walk normally. He saw his wife, the woman he loved.For this love, respect, and compassion I am extremely grateful,because they are the reason I was able to recover.The Love of My LifeWhen Paul was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancerin December 2008, it seemed like a nightmare or a horrible jokethat was being played on us. Were we being tested? Paul was myrock. How could this be happening? I questioned it all the time,not wanting it to be reality. One night, a dear friend said to me,“Keri, you know that you can handle this; you do know that, don’tyou?” I did not know it at the time. My own health ordeal was onething, but now the love of my life was being threatened. This wasan entirely new ball game.Paul and I sat down together and had several deep, meaningfulconversations about what this meant for us and how to deal with it.We made the conscious decision together to be positive, no matterwhat happened, and to believe in each other. We set our compassesand moved forward into these new rough waters together. Paulentrusted his life to me. He allowed me to take care of him as Isaw fit. I mustered everything I had learned about being seriouslyill and recovering, and applied to Paul many of the same elementsthat he had used during my illness. He realized he had to take careof himself and deal with past situations that had festered in himemotionally. He began practicing Tai Chi and qigong and doingother self-awareness work that included being present, releasingthe past, and not being concerned with the future. Meditationhelped him attain the ability to live in the present moment.In the hospital during Paul’s last weeks on earth, I recited theguided meditation “In, out, deep, slow; calm, ease, smile, release;present moment, wonderful moment,” several times to help himrelax and fall asleep. It was the only thing that worked. I believethat because of meditation practice, Paul lost the fear of cancerand death, and realized that there was more beyond his diseasedbody. We both made the connection between our emotional statesof mind and our illnesses, and believed that our bodies and mindswere one, as Thay says. Much freedom came to us from living andloving mindfully.Our illnesses taught us that the love and happiness we sharedfor so many years was a special connection that not everyoneexperiences. We appreciated each other and the life we had in usevery day, and living mindfully in the present moment helped usto do that. Paul taught me that no matter what is going on, thereis room for opportunity, compassion, love of one’s self and others,gratitude, and joy.We loved and lived these past two and a half years with gustoand with cancer, and it was brilliant. True love and the realizationthat we were living it allowed us to swim in a sea of freedom thatcan only be described as divine. Even now, after Paul’s passing,that gift continues to warm my heart and mind and enrich mybeing.Keri R. Hakan is thirty-seven years old. In early 2010, sheand her husband started meditating with The HeartlandCommunity of Mindful Living Sangha in Kansas City, MO.She recently relocated to Portland, OR.the Mindfulness Bell 17