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RHETORICAL SKILLS31B Incomplete comparisonsInclude every word needed to make a complete comparison.INCOMPLETE:Our new iawn requires less water.REVISED:Our new lawn requires less water than our old onedid.INCOMPLETE:A subcompact's mileage is better than a largesedan.REVISED:A subcompact's mileage is better than that of alarge sedan.INCOMPLETE:He wanted that medal more than his competitors.(Did he want the medal or the competitors?}REVISED:He wanted that medal more than his competitorsdid [want].31C Missing transitionsWithout logical transitions, the flow of ideas can lacknatural progression and unity. Note the following:WITHOUT TRANSITION:He wanted so much to do well on the test; he hadnot studied enough.REVISED:He wanted so much to do well on the test, but hehad not studied enough.WITHOUT TRANSITION:The multimillionaire Getty lived in London; most ofhis holdings were in the United States.REVISED:The multimillionaire Getty lived in London,although most of his holdings were in the UnitedStates.32 SEXIST LANGUAGEThroughout most of the history of the English languagemasculine pronouns have been used to represent eithersex. In addition, women have been routinely excludedfrom many nouns intended to represent humanity. Stillworse, traditional use of sexist language tends to placemen and women in stereotyped roles.It is not necessary to begin using awkward terms to avoidsexist language. Terms like mail carrier, firefighter, orpolice officer are reasonable alternatives to mailman,fireman, and policeman.The use of the sexist pronoun is more difficult to avoid.One alternative is to use the plural: instead of A votermust do his duty, say Voters must do their duty. An occasionaluse of he or she is acceptable, though the phrasetends to be cumbersome.EXAMPLE:When a person is called by the IRS for an audit,he or she should go over last year's return.You can avoid the construction by rewording the sentence.EXAMPLE:A person called by the IRS for an audit should goover the past year's return.33 TWELVE MISTAKES THATFAIL TESTS(Arranged in order of Seriousness)In my years of grading student writing, as well as in allthe conversations I have had with colleagues about suchgrading, I have never quite understood the recurring andpredictable state of approximately 20% of the papersturned in. These papers all fall below minimum standards,but they do so without a fight. By that, I mean thattheir authors commit errors and mental lapses that clearlythey are capable of avoiding. Their writing is clear anddirect, and their ideas are focused and right on target, butthen they commit, in the lingo of chess players, a grosserror. It's as if mey did not care. Of course, I know theydo care, but they experience these major lapses perhapsbecause they are stressed, depressed, anxious, or unsureof themselves. Here are the mistakes that comprise suchgross errors, arranged, in my opinion, according to themagnitude of the damage they do to a paper's grade.1. NOTHING TO SAYThese papers are short, and often very neat. The studentseems to have drawn a blank, and can think of nodiingmore to say than a well-phrased recapitulation of thequestion itself. This student obviously froze and wouldhave done much better if he or she had thought a littleahead of time about how to develop an idea and maybepracticed on-the-spot writing. Assume a state of mentalreadiness for the act of writing.Finding a Topic to Write OnAfter reading the essay question and prompts, most ofthe time you still have the job of choosing a topic. Youwill then have to organize the topic, supply adequatedetails, and write a direct and intelligent statement. If youcannot think of a truly exciting or innovative thesis foryour paper, settle for something more mundane and manageable.Above all, take a firm stand as you plan your essay. Yourreaders want to hear a controlling "voice" in your paper.Put your thesis statement in your first paragraph, andhide nothing. Your beginning should tell the reader what48