Jo's Boys - Bibliotecadigital.puc-campinas.edu.br

Chapter 21 146crazy fancy of mine, and nothing can ever come of it. Never thought there would. Good Lord! what could thatlittle angel ever be to me but what she is--a sort of dream of all that's sweet and good?'More afflicted by the quiet resignation of his look and tone than by the most passionate ardour, Mrs Jo couldonly say, with a face full of sympathy:'It is very hard, dear, but there is no other way to look at it. You are wise and brave enough to see that, and tolet the secret be ours alone.''I swear I will! not a word nor a look if I can help it. No one guesses, and if it troubles no one, is there anyharm in my keeping this, and taking comfort in the pretty fancy that kept me sane in that cursed place?'Dan's face was eager now, and he hid away the little worn case as if defying any hand to take it from him.Anxious to know everything before giving counsel or comfort, Mrs Jo said quietly:'Keep it, and tell me all about the "fancy". Since I have stumbled on your secret, let me know how it came,and how I can help to make it lighter to bear.''You'll laugh; but I don't mind. You always did find out our secrets and give us a lift. Well, I never caredmuch for books, you know; but down yonder when the devil tormented me I had to do something or go starkmad, so I read both the books you gave me. One was beyond me, till that good old man showed me how toread it; but the other, this one, was a comfort, I tell you. It amused me, and was as pretty as poetry. I liked 'emall, and most wore out Sintram. See how used up he is! Then I came to this, and it sort of fitted that otherhappy part of my life, last summer--here.'Dan stopped a moment as the words lingered on his lips; then, with a long breath, went on, as if it was hard tolay bare the foolish little romance he had woven about a girl, a picture, and a child's story there in the darknessof the place which was as terrible to him as Dante's Inferno, till he found his Beatrice.'I couldn't sleep, and had to think about something, so I used to fancy I was Folko, and see the shining ofAslauga's hair in the sunset on the wall, the gum of the watchman's lamp, and the light that came in at dawn.My cell was high. I could see a bit of sky; sometimes there was a star in it, and that was most as good as aface. I set great store by that patch of blue, and when a white cloud went by, I thought it was the prettiest thingin all this world. I guess I was pretty near a fool; but those thoughts and things helped me through, so they areall solemn true to me, and I can't let them go. The dear shiny head, the white gown, the eyes like stars, andsweet, calm ways that set her as high above me as the moon in heaven. Don't take it away! it's only a fancy,but a man must love something, and I'd better love a spirit like her than any of the poor common girls whowould care for me.'The quiet despair in Dan's voice pierced Mrs Jo to the heart; but there was no hope and she gave none. Yet shefelt that he was right, and that his hapless affection might do more to uplift and purify him than any other hemight know. Few women would care to marry Dan now, except such as would hinder, not help, him in thestruggle which life would always be to him; and it was better to go solitary to his grave than become what shesuspected his father had been--a handsome, unprincipled, and dangerous man, with more than one brokenheart to answer for.'Yes, Dan, it is wise to keep this innocent fancy, if it helps and comforts you, till something more real andpossible comes to make you happier. I wish I could give you any hope; but we both know that the dear child isthe apple of her father's eye, the pride of her mother's heart, and that the most perfect lover they can find willhardly seem to them worthy of their precious daughter. Let her remain for you the high, bright star that leadsyou up and makes you believe in heaven.' Mrs Jo broke down there; it seemed so cruel to destroy the fainthope Dan's eyes betrayed, that she could not moralize when she thought of his hard life and lonely future.