Covenanter Witness Vol. 86 - Rparchives.org

What My Children Have Taught MeMrs. Robert J. Mann *Parenthood is certainly a rewarding experience —with its deep satisfactions and frustrations, laughter andtears, times of closeness and times of hostility, peace andconfusion, relaxation and rush. It is a growing process forus all, and a priceless privilege from God.One of our responsibilities is to teach our children,and we hope they have learned some good things from us,in spite of our inadequacies. They have also been teachingus some things, although they probably don't realize it!Together, we are learning the importance of love ina family — the kind that gives and forgives. We see thegreat value of honest and open talk sessions. We haveappreciated the joys of being together — whether bikeriding, hiking, or just sitting and looking at the beauty ofthe mountains.Not all learning is pleasant or easy. Many of thethings our children have taught us have actually been thestrengthening of old truths, making them more vivid byillustrating or dramatizing them.One such truth is that human nature is basicallysinful. I had for many years known that I was selfcentered,but I somehow thought myself to be fairlypatient, kind and gentle in my relationships with others.What a shock to see my true self come to light, afterchildren entered my life! I get irritable, impatient anddemanding at times, shout in bursts of anger, and do manyother unloving things, to my shame. I have had toapologize to my children many times, and ask forgivenessfrom them and from God. I need God's strength each dayto control me.Surely other people saw those selfish traits in mewhen I was younger, but it took the pressures of daily lifeas a parent to make me see my own selfishness and pride. Iam thankful for this insight, insofar as I can experiencemore of God's grace when I am more aware of my ownweakness, and trust Him more fully. ". . .My grace issufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect inweakness" (II Cor. 12:9).My children have illustrated the sinfulness of humannature by their own behavior, too. (Just as I did to myparents!) A Christian friend told me about a discussiongroup in which a non-Christian woman expressed heropinion that people are basically good. My friend thoughtto herself, "She must not have any children, or she wouldfeel differently." That was true! Observing the natural* Mrs. Robert J. Mann, 430 Kinnikinnik Drive, ColoradoSprings. Colorado 80906, is the mother of four children.She has an R.N. degree.ways of children leads one to the conclusion that each oneis concerned primarily with his own pleasure and interests.As he grows, he is trained to modify his behavior to includethe needs of others, but even then his inwardmotives are largely selfish. (Sharing so the other childwon't tattle, doing his chores so he won't lose privileges,helping someone in hopes of being noticed and praised,etc.) Of course, we adults are guilty of such motives, too,but it seems more obvious in children.Until the Lord enters a person's life and gives himtrue love from within, the apparent goodness is onlyoutward and won't stand the test of God's standard. Youcan't hide your true self from your family, much less fromGod! "The heart is deceitful above all things, anddesperately wicked; who can know it?" (Jer. 17:9).Before we had our own children, we watched howparents trained and disciplined their children. It was easyto be critical, and to see their mistakes and think that wewould always take the right approach to training our own.Now — fifteen years and four children later — we feelmuch more understanding and uncritical toward otherswith family problems! Having made many mistakes withour own children, and being baffled by a variety ofsituations has made us realize that it is not as simple as weonce supposed.Children are so complex and individualized! I havebeen surprised to see the vast differences in children, evenof the same family. Each one has his own needs, interests,personality, and emotions. Answers to problems aren'tsimple, and what is good for one child may be useless foranother. Parents need so much love, patience, and understanding!For these, we turn again to our Lord for Hisstrength and grace. He knows the inner thoughts anddeepest needs of our children, and can lead us in helpingthem.Many years ago, I read a magazine article entitled,"Relationships That Speak of God." Some thoughts fromit left a lasting impression on me. The author showed howall our human relationships — parent-child, husband-wife,brother-sister, or friends — are special means of showingdifferent aspects of God's love for us. The parent-childrelationship obviously shows that God loves us as a fatherloves his child. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so theLord pitieth them that fear Him" (Psalm 103:13). He wantsto give us what is best for us, even more than we want togive good things to our children. "If ye then, being evil,know how to give good gifts unto your children, howmuch more shall your Father which is in heaven give goodthings to them that ask him?" (Matt. 7:11). Just as we mustdiscipline our children, He disciplines us for our growth.see page 166 COVENANTER WITNESS