Ministering to the Young Single Adult - Elmer Towns

He may do what you say without understanding your reason.When the young single adult speaks, you can determine whether he understandsthe problem. You can further question his motives or faulty insights. If he comes up withan answer to his problem, he is more likely to follow through to a solution.When you use creative listening, be understanding. How can you know theproblem without hearing him out? How can the real emotional difficulty be uncoveredunless you skillfully ask questions and listen patiently. You must express confidence inthe young person so he will have confidence in you.The simple “talking out” of a problem may be a major step in helping the youngsingle adult. Some have come away from a time of “unloading the burdens,” indicatingthat help has been received. The listener has given no advice or direction. What hashappened? The listener has been a sounding board. Since problems are subjective, theyoung person cannot put things together. So to speak, “He can’t see the trees for theforest.” In unloading his problem he “nailed it as a picture to the wall.” Then he steppedback and got a total picture of the problem. He objectified the situation. The mere talkingout of a problem may solve it-but there has to be a listener.The creative listener is the second half of a relationship. As there must be a goodcatcher for the major league ball pitcher, so there must be a good listener for a “spiritualcare relationship.”4. Help find the “root” problem. So you have listened. What do you do now? Sitthere like a sponge? No! If your “relationship is to communicate the gospel at the point ofneed,” you had better “dig” till you find the root problem. Remember, many surfaceproblems are results not causes of behavior. Try to find the causative problem. You arenot a therapist, so don’t try to psychoanalyze the young single adult. But, if you have awarm relationship, your acceptance may give him the liberty to face problems he couldnot have faced in a threatened situation. Simply, if he trusts you, he may face a problemwith you that he could not face alone.5. Find possible solutions. The young single adult should understand the problembefore a solution is attempted. Since problems are complex, solutions will not always beeasy to find. The first solution “popping” in the mind of the young single adult is notalways the best. Therefore, attempt to explore or list all possible solutions before makingany decision. Suggest all that come to mind. The simple listing of solutions may helpencourage the young person. As he thinks through the problem and possible solutions, heis probably growing.6. Examine possible solutions. The young single adult should realize hisresponsibility to solve his problems. Be careful of offering advice or “pushing an answer”off on him. If you pressure a decision on the young adult:a. He may lose confidence in you if the results of your decision are not asanticipated.